To tell him I was disappointing not to hear from him

[terryclothmum]

I have been dating a guy for about 10 dates. Early on in dating he said it was important to
him that the person he was dating didn’t disappear for hours without explanation. It made him feel anxious and he preferred someone to give a heads up if they were likely to go quiet for a while. I totally agreed with this and his open communication is something I’ve really liked about him. We’ve both stuck to this throughout and it’s nice.

We were supposed to go out last night and then I was going to stay at his house and we had brunch plans today. It had been a long anticipated date as he was on a work trip the week before.

Unfortunately I had a family emergency at the last minute and had to drive down to my parents urgently yesterday and will be here for the weekend.

He was nice enough when I first told him, but he went out elsewhere last night and the last I heard of him was one word, at 5pm yesterday, and nothing since. This is really REALLY unusual for him and really at odds with what he always says about keeping in touch. I know everyone has different texting patterns/boundaries, but this is very unusual in our dynamic.

AIBU to text him and tell him I was disappointed in this? I don’t want to stop
seeing him or anything, but it felt really disrespectful.

I mean, maybe? But if someone I’d just met felt compelled to frontload a new relationship with instructions on how to tiptoe around their minefield of emotional triggers I would get the fuck out of there.

This.

Tough luck if he 'finds it hard'. That is very much a him problem and something that he needs to deal with and get over if he wants to have relationship. He shouldn't be trying to control you because of his issues.

I wouldn't even bother to contact him again. He's clearly a man child.

I don’t think we’re saying what the Op wanted to hear

Can you seriously not hear those deafening alarm bells going off? I can hear them from Ireland!

The problem OP is that he's doing to you what he asked you not to do because it makes him anxious. So wary about his own feelings but a total disregard for others. It is quite revealing about his character. Not someone I would like to date nor want as a friend tbh.

This.

You really should want to stop seeing this dickhead @terryclothmum. He’s punishing you for cancelling on him for an emergency with your family. He’s having a strop because you had to go to help your family… can you not see how fucked up that is?

OP, he sounds like a twatty man child.
Don't bother wasting your time.

i don’t think the OP will be returning to the thread, but if you do OP… have any of your friends met him?

Indeed. This thread just highlights how important is to not desperately want to fall in love, and to be perfectly happy in yourself before you even consider embarking on a relationship.

Otherwise you end up, even as op has detailed herself as a wised up woman not downtrodden, after just 10 dates, dismissing all the absolutely glaring red flags in a desperation to be in love.

Well you've seen your 'agreement' only works one-way - you have to check in all the time, but he doesn't.

This shouldn't be 'disappointing', this should be a deal-breaker. He says he gets anxious so you have to check in, but he doesn't care how you feel when he goes AWOL This means it's not a 'dating difficulty' that he has, it means he's a liar and a controller.

So, he views a lack of communication as disrespectful and wrong and yet he is doing the very thing he says he doesnt like to you?

Huge red flag. Whether he is controlling or this is just a communication preference, the fact he has such a ridiculous double standard for his behaviour is outrageous.