To think I could be autistic or ADHD?

[onehundredredroses]

Hi everyone.

Posting on here for traffic.
I'm a 30F and I'm looking for some advice on whether I should seek a private diagnosis or test for ADHD / Autism. I have been quite scared to speak out, as I know there is a bit of a stigma on the subject as a lot of people self diagnose with ND.

Back story:
All my life I have felt a bit different, but it never occurred to me that it could be ND. When I was at school, there was only 1 other pupil diagnosed that I knew of, it was never spoken about in my childhood. It's only since having DD and I see similar traits in her that got me thinking. For background, I have had a lot of harrowing trauma in my life. From childhood up until the last few years. A serious of very unfortunate events to say the absolute least, and I don't know if I am the way I am due to the traumas I've been through, or if there is neurodivergence.

Here are some of my quirks or 'symptoms' for want of a better word:

Hyper fixate on a random food and will have that for breakfast lunch and dinner for weeks on end.
I don't like being touched too much, in relationships, with DD. I give plenty of affection and I love snuggling with DD, but I can very abruptly become touched out.
I feel emotions very irrationally sometimes. I go from one extreme to another, for example I can be fine when hugging someone but the next minute I want to be left alone.
I pick my skin until it bleeds and pick my hairs on my head and eyebrows. I have to wear acrylic nails to stop me.
Impulsive buying and purchases (I've controlled this better now)
I think everyone else's life looks so much more put together and organised than mine.

VERY poor time management - but this is never the case at work. I excel at work.
I struggle to sit still.
I can never get into a TV series as I get bored, I really struggle to watch telly.
Poor sleep.
I (hate to admit this) have lack of empathy. It's not that I don't recognise situations are sad or upsetting, and I offer comfort. But my brain can't compute how to feel sad for that person. But that may be due to my trauma maybe?
Cannot multitask at all and get very overwhelmed very easily unless I have a specific plan to overcome the tasks.
A lot of simple things don't add up to me. For an example, a big part of my job is to answer Inbound calls, I work in a small team. We have a time frame to answer the calls and are on a group teams chat. If the phone is ringing out people will write 'can't get, I'm on the phone' but in my brain, I think 'well duh, obviously you're on the phone otherwise you'd have answered the one coming in' - I can't compute it and think it's a waste of time.

On the outside world nobody would ever think this. I guess this is what masking is?

Perhaps I'm just a bit strange, I don't know. The list above could go on forever but there are some examples. I was put in the additional needs class in infant school for 1 year, but my parents took me out of that class and put me into the other mainstream classes, against the school wishes.

AIBU to think there could be some ND at play here? The strange thing is, I think it has only progressed or got more noticeable to me during adulthood. The examples I've listed above have mainly only been from adulthood. Can you develop ND later on in life?
Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you!

Yes i think it sounds like your neurodivergent

Quite often when people are neurodivergent they have more than 1 diagnoses

I was a very premature baby - my parents and i have always said im dspraxic ( didnt seek formal diagnosis)
Additionally - some of your list - ie spontaneous purchases i relate too.- i believe i have ADHD and am also autistic

That is interesting! I was born very prematurely at 26+6 - back in 1994 that was very very early. Perhaps that could be linked!

Definitely

My friend and i went to a talk by a dr about adhd / neurodiversity

Theres definitely a link re prematurity

I think it will give me a bit of understanding / validation as to why I am the way I am.

I've done a lot of therapy over the years, but I don't feel any closer really. I guess I just don't feel 'settled.' With myself. It's hard to explain.

As someone with a 'label stuck on them!'
I'm incredibly grateful, got it at 40 and it finally explains why I am the way I am! And it's comments like these that damages the condition ,not having the label stuck on you!

Ive been kinder to myself since i figured out i had x y z

Im.glad u got your diagnosis

@chicken2015
@worldwidetravel2017

I'm glad a diagnosis has been beneficial to you both. I absolutely agree and advocate for diagnosis, we don't ignore any other conditions because of the 'label' so why should he ignore ND?

I've been having a read up and not all private diagnosis are accepted by NHS, does anyone have any sources or recommendations of anywhere I could go?

I’m late diagnosed Autistic and ADHD.
There’s a huge overlap between trauma and neurodivergence. Many people have both. I think it’s interesting that you say these issues didn’t show til adulthood…but actually if you were identified as needing extra help in primary school suggests signs were there early on?
I’d suggest reading up more about autism and ADHD. NHS assessments are available but waiting lists are long. I’m still really glad I know though. It’s changed how I see myself.

I havent actually gone 4 the formal diagnosis yet

( ive just self diagnosed after a lot of reading and living and self awareness and talking to those im close to )

In my profession - ive worked with neuro divergent children / families

"I’m still really glad I know though. It’s changed how I see myself "
Samee

I don't think there's enough info to say. Possibly. I was diagnosed after seeing a psychiatrist privately for my 'anxiety' - I wasn't expecting nor seeking a ND diagnosis at all. It sounds like a lot has happened in your life - trauma - that will be affecting you, and your symptoms could be explained by that. If you're based in London and would like a recommendation for the private doctor I saw - he was excellent - feel free to DM me. He didn't formally diagnose me btw - he said he was almost certain I had it, and signposted me for assessment, which was then done on the NHS. I have ADHD.

It could be ASD/ADHD or trauma could cause an acquired neurodivergence. I'm diagnosed with the former 2, very late, in my 50s. Knowing more about the why has been life-changing for me.

Yes, I get that part. But helping you understand yourself doesn't do anything at all to change your symptoms or behaviours. Validation from whom, and for what purpose?

It sounds as though you've already self-diagnosed, so surely that gives you all the understanding and validation you need. What else is to be gained from having it confirmed by someone qualified? Are you going to get better at your job, which you say you already excel at? Are you going to get better at time keeping? Are you going to stop picking at your skin? Is it going to stop you from wanting to eat the same thing for breakfast every day and why does it even matter if you do? What is it exactly that you think a diagnosis is going to achieve that will help you in some way, when your life sounds pretty normal and functional already?

It's very hard to say. You would need to be assessed and diagnosed by a professional.
I feel/ do a lot of the things you've mentioned. I've had a couple of people ask me in the last few years do I have adhd.
I don't. I have a form of bipolar disorder, and ocd, diagnosed in my late teens. If I hadn't been diagnosed years ago and I was hearing and reading stuff about adhd now, I probably would strongly identify with it and possibly be convinced I have it. But there is a lot of symptoms/ behavioural/ indicators I have which don't fit with adhd, and only a mh professional like a psychiatrist would be able to see that.
I think people should be very wary of trying to self diagnose but on the other hand it is very hard/ almost impossible for people to get access to help with any of this kind of stuff these days so it's understandable that you are looking for your own answers. Just don't get too set on the idea, keep an open mind because sometimes when people go down that road and then they find out they don't have adhd/ autism, or don't meet the criteria to get referred for assessment, it can be very upsetting and demoralising.
If you are struggling, the first port of call is your gp. Focus on the specific problems you have that you need help with and not on getting a particular diagnosis. Good luck x

I was given medication and it's been life changing, so the whole it won't do u anything is just factually wrong. I also assumed I was coping OK due to thinking that most things I did or didn't do was my own doing and not an actual neurological condition i had. Also empolyers legally need to make 'reasonable adjustments' for Neurodiverse people and could help support people in work so , again it does help, your 'label sticking ' is incredibly outdated and I hope anyone reading is not put off by pursuing a offical diagnosis due to your posts.

Hi-
got an ASD diagnosis v recently at 50! I knew already really.

look up ‘right to choose’ - you can ask the GP to refer you to an approved private provider that the NHS has to pay for (in the event that there is no availability for that service locally- which is definitely the case for most of the UK). They don’t publicise this! I used Problem Shared - look them up because they have template letters to ask your GP to refer - as well as a questionnaire to fill in that will indicate that it might be something worth assessing for. Then you send the marked questionnaire and a letter to your GP. That provider is accredited for use by NHS patients - and there are other similar providers.

in my case I did this about 3 months ago, then once referred I filled in a whole lot of questions. They then had a look and booked in a proper ADOS assessment.

I don’t know- you would need to be assessed. A lot of those things are totally normal behaviours. Some aren’t but don’t necessarily indicate ND (ie skin picking). Some could be linked to trauma. You’d have to get yourself assessed to properly know

Can I ask what the medications do?
Feeling different as a child, and trying to cope without a diagnosis resonates with me.
I don't know if I'm overly sensitive or have a ND condition - I can't cope with noise like alarms and shouting, struggle to focus, get overwhelmed with change and disruption, catastrophise things like driving, struggle with small talk, can't empathise and don't notice when someone needs something or is hinting at something, lack any kind of guile.

And in what practical ways has your life changed since your diagnosis? What have been the tangible benefits to having what you 'already knew' confirmed?

Medication for ADHD you mean? Or for symptoms associated with ASD?

Yes, ADHD medications. Do they settle the overwhelming inner life and help you live a more external life, like normal people? Allow you to focus etc?
Thank you for responding

I’ll tell you further down the line as it was only last week….

i can telly you that for me, knowledge is power and learning about ASD has explained a lot to me about my own life, behaviour and how I am. I often feel absolutely exhausted after social events or busy environments, sometimes to the point of retreating to a dark room - I’ve berated my self and thought I must be mad to feel this way. I’ve also found it hard to justify to myself that I cherish time alone- and this will change because I will now feel better about that and see it more as recharge time I need to build into my day for a more productive lifestyle.

my DS and DH have ADHD and without both medication and self knowledge about how best to deal with planning their day/life with the best estimation of what they will or won’t be able to do they would flounder.

Wouldn’t you rather flourish and optimise your life? These diagnoses aren’t really for anyone else once you’re an adult - the understanding and research that has gathered evidence and empirical research into both these conditions is there for us all to use - not as a label to point the finger at people, or as an emblem of ‘oh look how special I am’, but as a tool to understand ourselves.

It very much sounds like my ADHD.
ADHD is not a label, it’s a diagnosis, and it’s really helped me to make sense of myself, why I am the way I am, and why I’ve struggled so much in many areas of life.