To think I could be autistic or ADHD?

[onehundredredroses]

Hi everyone.

Posting on here for traffic.
I'm a 30F and I'm looking for some advice on whether I should seek a private diagnosis or test for ADHD / Autism. I have been quite scared to speak out, as I know there is a bit of a stigma on the subject as a lot of people self diagnose with ND.

Back story:
All my life I have felt a bit different, but it never occurred to me that it could be ND. When I was at school, there was only 1 other pupil diagnosed that I knew of, it was never spoken about in my childhood. It's only since having DD and I see similar traits in her that got me thinking. For background, I have had a lot of harrowing trauma in my life. From childhood up until the last few years. A serious of very unfortunate events to say the absolute least, and I don't know if I am the way I am due to the traumas I've been through, or if there is neurodivergence.

Here are some of my quirks or 'symptoms' for want of a better word:

Hyper fixate on a random food and will have that for breakfast lunch and dinner for weeks on end.
I don't like being touched too much, in relationships, with DD. I give plenty of affection and I love snuggling with DD, but I can very abruptly become touched out.
I feel emotions very irrationally sometimes. I go from one extreme to another, for example I can be fine when hugging someone but the next minute I want to be left alone.
I pick my skin until it bleeds and pick my hairs on my head and eyebrows. I have to wear acrylic nails to stop me.
Impulsive buying and purchases (I've controlled this better now)
I think everyone else's life looks so much more put together and organised than mine.

VERY poor time management - but this is never the case at work. I excel at work.
I struggle to sit still.
I can never get into a TV series as I get bored, I really struggle to watch telly.
Poor sleep.
I (hate to admit this) have lack of empathy. It's not that I don't recognise situations are sad or upsetting, and I offer comfort. But my brain can't compute how to feel sad for that person. But that may be due to my trauma maybe?
Cannot multitask at all and get very overwhelmed very easily unless I have a specific plan to overcome the tasks.
A lot of simple things don't add up to me. For an example, a big part of my job is to answer Inbound calls, I work in a small team. We have a time frame to answer the calls and are on a group teams chat. If the phone is ringing out people will write 'can't get, I'm on the phone' but in my brain, I think 'well duh, obviously you're on the phone otherwise you'd have answered the one coming in' - I can't compute it and think it's a waste of time.

On the outside world nobody would ever think this. I guess this is what masking is?

Perhaps I'm just a bit strange, I don't know. The list above could go on forever but there are some examples. I was put in the additional needs class in infant school for 1 year, but my parents took me out of that class and put me into the other mainstream classes, against the school wishes.

AIBU to think there could be some ND at play here? The strange thing is, I think it has only progressed or got more noticeable to me during adulthood. The examples I've listed above have mainly only been from adulthood. Can you develop ND later on in life?
Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you!

I think people who say things like 'why can't you be kind to yourself without getting a diagnosis' just don't understand autism. I get that people don't understand it, non-autistic people don't actually have to spend their lives working out what other's social behaviour means and so have no experience in understanding that not everyone's minds work in the same way.

I am autistic. Whether or not I was autistic actually became my obsession and I would go through periods of months where I found it very hard to think about anything else. I also almost lost my life to what I now realise was autistic burnout and it was driven by a change in company policy at work. They've just announced another similar change (a monitoring process) and I was straight onto the adaptations team and now have an adaptation in work. My boss couldn't understand why I needed the adaptation I was asking for (he had no issues agreeing to it as it doesn't make a difference to my work, just didn't understand why something was such a big deal to me) but the diagnosis has given me the confidence to say 'I know you don't get it but this is what I need'. It also made the process to get the adaptation agreed very quick. If I had had confirmation it wasn't just all in my head 18 months ago, I would have gone straight for an adaptation and wouldn't still be dragging myself out of burnout.

I needed the diagnosis because of people like the people on this thread who say 'everyone's like that though'. Everyone is NOT like this. Lots of people are ND. Only very few people have autism. ADHD is more common, but still it's thought to only be about 5-6% of the population, there's just a backlog of people who weren't diagnosed as kids.

OP, you might be, you might not be. I agree that a trauma based ND is definitely worth exploring as well. Don't let anyone on this thread put you off seeking help from medical professionals.

Oh and if you struggle with background noise - loop earplugs plugs are amazing. They're cheaper than noise cancelling headphones, less obvious you're wearing them and the 'engage' ones mean the background noise goes away but you can still hear people talking directly to you.

Yes I've found it incredibly helpful. I didn't even know about Neurodiversity untill my 2 year old was showing clear obvious signs of autism, I dismissed adhd for me straight away and then the more I read about it the more it was obvious I had it! I was one of those people who thought it was mostly made up for people to get free benefits (im ashamed of my opnion now) .
I had to make second gp appointment as first doctor I seen dismissed me straight away. He have very little knowledge I could tell. I asked for 2nd doctor and she had son who was diagnosed and knew straight away I was. I wish I knew as a kid and life might have been different. People who feel they could be should be encouraged to go doctors not shamed and discouraged.

I mask so well that noone believes me but its worth booking an appointment and seeing if you are. It can make the world of difference and help you understand yourself.