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Original poster

Not knowing how to help DD (23) find her soulmate

151 replies

littlemisspigg · 28/09/2024 07:34

Please help, and be kind to me.
I'm not sure how I can 'help' DD(23) find her life partner. She's looking, but I don't know what advice to give?
My own marriage was quite rather traditional...DH did all the hard work and I just agreed, and it all worked out (luckily) just fine.
Please go easy on me

OP posts:
ItsTheGAGGGGGG · 28/09/2024 10:01

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 28/09/2024 07:37

If you can help her, can you help me too please?

Literally🤣🤣🤣

ilovesushi · 28/09/2024 10:01

Does her lifestyle, job allow her to meet and get to know people on a regular basis? I worked freelance through my twenties and had a core group of girlfriends but my work meant I was moving around different companies a lot and travelling abroad and it felt hard to get to know someone on a gradual timescale, where you might feel a spark but just want it to develop slowly. Not sure I believe in soul mates. We don't need one other person to perfectly complete us.

Edingril · 28/09/2024 10:02

This is plain weird, Why?

Tahlbias · 28/09/2024 10:06

Why would you want to help her? Let her enjoy her youth before she is tied down to someone!

Userengage · 28/09/2024 10:11

Soulmate? How could there be just one person in the whole world perfect for us? What a nonsense.

Let your daughter go and live her life.

The only person I know who believes in “soulmates” and thinks everyone needs to find someone to be happy is miserably hiding in her sham of a marriage.

ImNotYourMonstera · 28/09/2024 10:16

BetsyRegards · 28/09/2024 07:47

@littlemisspigg your OP is eight lines long. Two of those are you begging anonymous strangers on an internet forum to be kind to you.

Do you feel you’ve developed sufficient resilience and maturity to be the best person to give your daughter relationship advice?

Which, by the way, she patently Does Not Need at 23! Why the hell would she need a ‘soulmate’? I would hope she already has the first stage of academic / professional qualifications to support a satisfying and thriving career? I hope she has strong friendships? And that she’s been able to travel independently? That she’s safe and as well as possible and enjoying her life? If so, I’m sure you’ve been a part of building those structures. Well done.

Don’t ruin all your good work by driving her down the wrong path now …

Edited

This! Very strange OP.

Feelingleftoutagain · 28/09/2024 10:21

My son is 26 and often wishes he could find the right girl, my advice to him which I would share with your daughter is the right one will come along when your ready until then concentrate on being the best person you can be and have fun life is to short x

user1471556818 · 28/09/2024 10:22

Guavafish1 · 28/09/2024 07:37

I would tell her to concentrate on her career, studies and having fun.

To set good standards and not accept anyone who is slightly interested. Warn her about abuse behaviour and that she can alway leave and speak to you.

My advice is take her time, quality is better than quantity. Enjoy single life and learn from mistakes.

Absolutely as above .She is young find herself first and definitely don't push the soul mate fantasy please.
I've been with my dh for 40 yrs love him to bits and have overall been really happy but soul mate nah.

theemmadilemma · 28/09/2024 10:23

She's 23, she could slow down.

You can't help.

bloomingbonkerz · 28/09/2024 10:23

My son is 29 and tbh doesn’t seem interested yet both his siblings are settled with a child each one older one younger he’s only ever had 1 relationship when he was 20 and been having flings since aged 22 very few of his friends are settled down it’s as if they can’t be bothered to put the work into a relationship to busy going out drinking watching sports channels that’s my lad anyway I wonder if he will ever get his s**t together (still lives at home) and is one of the kindest men I know but like I say isn’t interested in anything that requires putting the work in ;-/

NQOCDarling · 28/09/2024 10:23

Jc2001 · 28/09/2024 08:26

Because she's her mother and want her to be happy?

Show quote history

Oh, please

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 28/09/2024 10:29

Why on earth do you think go have to help her?

JanefromLondon1 · 28/09/2024 10:35

Kiss some frogs at 23, a hell of a lot. Live a little, one will turn out to be her prince, on the way she'll encounter heartbreak and hopefully lots of fun (and sex) and she'll grow and find her prince.

I didn't find mine till I was 29, she has time.

Frith2013 · 28/09/2024 10:36

Soulmates = weird

Helping your daughter with her personal life = extremely weird

Hankunamatata · 28/09/2024 10:37

mindutopia · 28/09/2024 08:17

Support her to have life experiences that expand her world and nurture her passions. Would she like to do any further education? Move to a new place she’s always dreamed of? Go travelling for a year? The more life experiences she has, the more she sees of the world, the more on a course she is to pursue her dreams, the more likely she’ll be to bump into the right person.

This

PrettyFox · 28/09/2024 10:41

I say this kindly OP but your focus as her mum should be encouraging her to feel fulfilled in her own individual goals. Late 30’s here and my experience tells me that when girls are just too stressed about finding a partner they have a lower bar and expectations, and more easily get involved with all sorts of losers and trash.

I know it can be difficult if some her friends are already in established relationships but 23 is very young.

Yetanothernewname101 · 28/09/2024 10:43

I ended up married at 23 and divorced by 30, because my mother pushed and pressured me into marrying 'a nice man who would look after me.' He was definitely not a soulmate and I ended up with PTSD.
Please leave your poor daughter alone to get on with her life and tread her own path. She might find a life partner. She might not. As long as she is happy, fulfilled and content with how her life pans out, that's the important thing.

Tiredalwaystired · 28/09/2024 10:46

I think she’s 23 and has many many years to kiss a bunch of frogs, learn what she doesn’t like and find someone she does. And she really doesn’t need her mum to help. You’re going to have a very limited pool of people that want mum interfering.

vodkaredbullgirl · 28/09/2024 10:49

Leave her to it.

LeoOakley · 28/09/2024 10:50

I find this depressing. The message again is that a woman isn't complete until she has a man by her side.

At 23 she should be focusing on her career, travelling, exploring (safely) her sexuality, having fun, developing friendships and figuring out she she is.

As her mother, you should be encouraging her to dispel the myth of a soulmate and 'the one', especially at bloody 23!

Closetome · 28/09/2024 10:57

The best thing you can do to help her is say “you are 23, go and live your life, enjoy being young, and don’t waste your 20’s focussing on finding a man”

betterangels · 28/09/2024 10:58

LeoOakley · 28/09/2024 10:50

I find this depressing. The message again is that a woman isn't complete until she has a man by her side.

At 23 she should be focusing on her career, travelling, exploring (safely) her sexuality, having fun, developing friendships and figuring out she she is.

As her mother, you should be encouraging her to dispel the myth of a soulmate and 'the one', especially at bloody 23!

All of this.

If you want to help her it should be to realise that love can't be forced, and that she is enough in herself. She doesn't need another person to complete her. At 23 she should be getting to know herself.

lololulu · 28/09/2024 11:00

@LeoOakley
@betterangels

Bit harsh to say 23 is too young to find your husband. You can't really help when you meet them.

IntheVicinity · 28/09/2024 11:04

lololulu · 28/09/2024 11:00

@LeoOakley
@betterangels

Bit harsh to say 23 is too young to find your husband. You can't really help when you meet them.

Of course you can ‘help when you meet them’. You are perfectly at liberty to say ‘Nice guy, but wrong moment in my life’ and move on. That is, unless you’re secretly of the OP’s belief that there’s Only One Soulmate for every one, and that if you don’t snap him up at 23, you are relegated to The Shelf forever.

DH just passed on his dream job because it wasn’t the right moment.

lololulu · 28/09/2024 11:06

You can't help when you meet them