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Original poster

Not knowing how to help DD (23) find her soulmate

151 replies

littlemisspigg · 28/09/2024 07:34

Please help, and be kind to me.
I'm not sure how I can 'help' DD(23) find her life partner. She's looking, but I don't know what advice to give?
My own marriage was quite rather traditional...DH did all the hard work and I just agreed, and it all worked out (luckily) just fine.
Please go easy on me

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 28/09/2024 08:27

She’s 23yo😲. It’s odd there would be a life partner at 23yo. Is she not concentrating on her career and/or travel or things to develop her as a person. It’s through and after that, where serious relationships start. A ‘life partner’ at 23yo would be absolutely stifling.

MeatRaffleRita · 28/09/2024 08:28

No such thing as a soul mate.

Just people we get along with and people we don't.

She needs to focus on creating a good life. If she meets someone, great, if she doesn't, great. It's a winwin.

Coconutter24 · 28/09/2024 08:31

Has DD asked for your help?

If yes then just let her know she’s only 23 there is no rush to meet someone at such a young age, if it’s forced it will only fail

If no then just stay out of it, not many people have their mum as a wingwoman

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 28/09/2024 08:31

Could you do something like this for your daughter... and attach it to trees and lamp posts? Of course you would need to change the wording and, personally, I would leave off the bit about a 'substantial reward'.

Not knowing how to help DD (23) find her soulmate
MrsGhastlyCrumb · 28/09/2024 08:31

I think the best thing you can do for her is to disabuse her of this notion that there is one 'soulmate' out there for her and that finding them should be the focus of her 20s. Her career and finding her place in the world is much more important - and from that bedrock she will be much more grounded when it comes to finding the right partner for the rest.

MotherTimed · 28/09/2024 08:31

I no longer want my soul mate so I can offer him to the market. I'm 51 we met 30 years ago and he 's at the pompous stage of just thinking he can bend the universe to his will rather than just googling some expert advice.

Previously advertised in 1995, 2001, 2007 and 2016 to 2020

I'm accepting no further applications to the role of soul mate, this role has sadly been made redundant.

Top tip : Get a puppy

Beastiesandthebeauty · 28/09/2024 08:35

A soul mate comes by themselves at the right time, looking is never a good idea because you're making it a goal , meaning you become deflated and over look red flags or make yourself vulnerable to love bombing. First let her find herself so she knows her own mind and standards.

ghostyslovesheets · 28/09/2024 08:38

In the middle aisle in Aldi next to the unicorns, sky hooks and rocking horse shit

Xyz1234567 · 28/09/2024 08:47

Well I was going to post my thoughts but the answers you gave been given so far are absolutely brilliant. I too tell my daughter to work hard, concentrate on a rewarding career, enjoy having great friends and experience as much of the world as she can. Never, ever rely on another person for your fulfillment. Be independent, be free, be yourself.

Bornnotbourne · 28/09/2024 08:48

Volunteering- get involved in her community.
Help friends out- look after babies, dogs and help others move house.
Get involved in politics or interest groups to meet like minded people.
Find hobbies she loves.
Join the gym or other forms of physical activity.
Be a good neighbour- speak neighbour to build confidence.
My long term single friend found love at 41 when she befriended her elderly neighbour during COVID and discovered she has a gorgeous son. She’s got plenty of time to meet someone!!

BetsyRegards · 28/09/2024 08:52

My long term single friend found love at 41

The OP’s (possibly imaginary) daughter is 23. She has scarcely had a chance to be a single woman yet. Hmm

scotstars · 28/09/2024 08:55

She's 23. You can help her by ensuring she's self sufficient, studies or has a career and is happy.

OlivePoetry · 28/09/2024 09:03

Are you religious? Is DD? The only women I knew married by 25 (I'm 37 now) were either marrying someone a lot older or were part of a religious group and they met at church.

Had your DD asked you to help her find someone? Unless it's a type of arranged marriage I don't see how you can really help. All you can do in encourage her to be herself. Don't push her towards someone who seems 'traditional' - just because it worked for you it might not be the right choice for her

Mamma273627 · 28/09/2024 09:06

I agree, she should focus on herself and the things that make her happy, that raise her self-esteem, find opportunities to meet different types of people and have new experiences, and have positive relationships. And work so she can be financially independent of anyone else. If you want to help her you can encourage her in all this.

If she does meet potential partners she'll be in a great place, knowing who she is, who and what she likes, and be able to form her opinions and be a good judge of character. She won't feel she needs someone else because she'll be happy in herself. She'll choose who she wants to be with and that will hopefully be someone who respects her and admires her qualities, her life experiences and good nature.

It doesn't always work out like this of course as life is so messy! So you just need to be there for her.

ThinWomansBrain · 28/09/2024 09:06

Best thing would be to teach her is that she can have a great independent life and career, without the need to be in a relationship if she doesn't want to be.
Or relying on you to sort her life out.

ElleintheWoods · 28/09/2024 09:07

I settled down at 23. I would advise against it. You get to 30+ and realise who you really are and how being in a relationship from such a young age has limited you - with some positive aspects as well of course.

If you mean your daughter is 23 and never had a relationship… Then she should dive into things she enjoys, explore everything, if she has no interests/ hobbies/ personality then spend time experiencing life to figure out what makes her tick. Just be herself, live the life that makes her happy, pursue her career, look after her mental and physical wellbeing and be open to people that try to come into her life - in all forms. Have fun (but not what people think should be fun, but what she personally finds fulfilling), get happy and confident, and it’ll happen.

I see some 20somethings - mostly men - desperately looking for a life partner while their self esteem and mental health are poor because that’s what they find validation in. And also with no sense of self as they’re so focused on being in a couple they barely know who they are/ have any character or interesting experiences. While they might be lovely people, having a bit about yourself and bringing something to the partnership is what attracts people.

viques · 28/09/2024 09:08

I think one, or several, things you could do are:

raise her self esteem, telling ( or insinuating to which is what you are probably doing) your child her life is over because she isn’t settled at 23 is hardly likely to give her the confidence to go out and face the world.

encourage her to concentrate on her career, whatever happens in her personal life she needs to be self sufficient and forging her own way in the world.

stop comparing your life to hers, just because you settled for what you were offered doesn’t mean she has to.

mind your own business when it comes to her love life.

Beezknees · 28/09/2024 09:09

Well there is no such thing as a soul mate so discourage her from that kind of fantasy thinking first of all.

She's 23, I think you need to encourage her to spread her wings a little first. I had a relationship and a baby very young and it ended in disaster.

If she is desperate to find a life partner at such a young age she might end up settling for somebody who isn't that great.

Doublesidedstickytape · 28/09/2024 09:10

Sorry but you don’t.

Gymmum82 · 28/09/2024 09:12

I do believe soul mates exist. But they are not necessarily your husband/partner. I would say my best friend is my soul mate. I love my husband but me and my best friend just connect in a way I never have with anyone else.

At 23 she should be living her best life. Travelling, nights out, establishing a career, whatever she enjoys not worrying about finding a husband. Most of my friends didn’t meet their life partners until well in to their 30’s.
At 23 I wasn’t in the least bit interested in settling down

Gowlett · 28/09/2024 09:14

I’ve never looked for a man in my entire life.
They came to me (good, bad, ugly).

At 23 I had my heart broken.
After that I had a fun time, with guys.

Unless she’s set on marriage & kids?

lololulu · 28/09/2024 09:15

I Met my dh at 23 but not sure he's my soulmate he's fucking annoying!!

DrummingMousWife · 28/09/2024 09:16

She will meet someone when she least expects to. Please tell her not to rush or force the issue - otherwise she will end up with an unpleasant man who she is settling for rather than her “soul mate”

lolstevelol · 28/09/2024 09:17

What is her type ?

DoloresHargreeves · 28/09/2024 09:17

At that age she needs to focus on becoming who she is. Develop her interests, friendships, skills, life passions. She should put herself out there in the world and then she'll naturally gravitate towards people like her. She's so young, she has a good 7+ years before she needs to worry about a partner (assuming the children clock is ticking - if that's not what she wants, then she has a whole lifetime).