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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really really pissed off with my Son's Bus drivers and the parent?

114 replies

PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 22:54

Background- DS is 10 and is profoundly disabled- autistic with global developmental delay, never a word spoken, understanding of maybe an 18 -24 month old. Is violent towards himself but never others. Makes stimming 'Ahhhhhh' sounds which are yes very loud.

He has a new bus this year to get to school and the driver and the lady who helps have been really disrespectful. They constantly complain about his noises but honestly what do they expect with special needs kids? His special interest and the thing that calms his is being in a car/bus so the long bus ride is really enjoyable for him. He didn't want to get off one day and on the bus ride home both the driver and the lady were being quite rude going on and on about how they were late to get home/ to second job. But again I believe this should be expected when taking a job which involves special needs? Also, when i collect him from the bus they always say 'hurry hurry hurry'- i come literally the second they honk the horn!

Separate issue- school is divided into different sections for kids who are high functioning/low functioning. DS has violent loud tantrum where he hits himself. A parent whos child is high functioning has messaged me on class dojo complaining that ' my son move to this school so that he could get away from the busyness and noises of mainstream but yours is ruining it for him' im really annoyed- i think she should have expected there would be kids with a higher need than her sons?

OP posts:
comedycentral · 27/09/2024 22:57

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Is it organised through school or the local authority? Can you speak to them and describe what you've said here. As for the parent, as them to speak to school directly and not to engage with you.

Original poster
PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:00

Sorry should say ' my son moved to this school'

OP posts:
PuppiesLove · 27/09/2024 23:02

I agree that discussing this with the school is the way to go here. I'm sure arrangements can be made. Are his noises distracting to the driver? If so, maybe they can sit him nearer the back so it's not so loud for them?

I can understand them being frustrated about your son not getting off the bus making them late though. They have their own commitments outside work to get to and deal with. I wouldn't accept this if a regular thing if I drove the bus.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 27/09/2024 23:04

I would be complaining about all 3 of them. The mother to the school and the others to the school and bus company.

Original poster
PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:05

PuppiesLove · 27/09/2024 23:02

I agree that discussing this with the school is the way to go here. I'm sure arrangements can be made. Are his noises distracting to the driver? If so, maybe they can sit him nearer the back so it's not so loud for them?

I can understand them being frustrated about your son not getting off the bus making them late though. They have their own commitments outside work to get to and deal with. I wouldn't accept this if a regular thing if I drove the bus.

Yeah i have messaged teachers will hear back on monday

Understand it's annoying, but theres no solution. If he wont get off he wont get off and if they dont like it i believe its not the job for them

OP posts:
BarbaraHoward · 27/09/2024 23:05

YANBU at all OP, I'm so sorry you're meeting attitudes like this.

EverybodyWantsTo · 27/09/2024 23:08

You wait for them to honk the horn? Are they dropping off to your house? I think that is rude to wait for the horn, either wait outside when it gets near the time or in a room where you can see/hear it coming and be outside when it arrives.

Guavafish1 · 27/09/2024 23:08

People are so ignorant

I would complain about all 3. Though I understand they want to get him home on time as they don’t want to delay their shift and have other jobs.

the other mother is terrible… what a horrible thing to say to another mother!

Original poster
PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:10

EverybodyWantsTo · 27/09/2024 23:08

You wait for them to honk the horn? Are they dropping off to your house? I think that is rude to wait for the horn, either wait outside when it gets near the time or in a room where you can see/hear it coming and be outside when it arrives.

This has always been the agreement that i wait for horn since ds was in reception- i was told to by school

OP posts:
PuppiesLove · 27/09/2024 23:14

PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:10

This has always been the agreement that i wait for horn since ds was in reception- i was told to by school

Show quote history

If it's become an issue then revisit it with the school. They probably want you to wait to help build independence. If he's not getting off the bus, then it is your job to remove him as quickly as you can. I hope the driver gets paid overtime.

Don't stress about the other parent. That's for the school to sort with her, so not something you have to worry about. If she raises it, direct her to the school. That's not your issue to deal with.

Original poster
PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:18

Just to clarify, he wasnt getting off the bus when he got to school so i couldn't do anything. I always get him off the bus at home as quickly as possible, the minute that they honk ( which i was told to wait for since ds was little and again by this new driver)

OP posts:
PuppiesLove · 27/09/2024 23:19

PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:18

Just to clarify, he wasnt getting off the bus when he got to school so i couldn't do anything. I always get him off the bus at home as quickly as possible, the minute that they honk ( which i was told to wait for since ds was little and again by this new driver)

Thanks for clarifying. If he's not getting off at that end, that's also the school's problem to sort.

bergamotorange · 27/09/2024 23:19

The behaviour of all three people is out of line.

If the bus support people want new arrangements around meeting the bus, it's their job to tell you. They should treat your child with respect.

The parent is a disgrace, I'd forward the email to school and tell them you're not engaging but need them to be aware in case any issues crop up at school. Tell her you're not engaging but have made school aware in case any issues crop up there and then block her.

Original poster
PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:33

I wanted to ask, if i complain, can they stop taking him to school?

OP posts:
PuppiesLove · 27/09/2024 23:37

PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:33

I wanted to ask, if i complain, can they stop taking him to school?

I don't know legally, but I do think that they would be required to do all they could to meet your son's needs. I do also think they could refuse to take your son to school if they felt it was causing distress to your son, not meeting his needs or causing other significant issues.

How long does he refuse to get off the bus for? Five minutes? Sure, work with it. An hour? I wouldn't think that was acceptable and would put that under 'not working for him/distress'. I'm not a decision maker though and don't know the legalities.

Original poster
PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:41

He loves school when he gets there tho
Apparently around 10 minutes

OP posts:
cansu · 27/09/2024 23:46

Both ate completely out of line.

  1. Bus driver - be clear that they are being inappropriate. Complain if necessary to council
  2. Parent - block
PuppiesLove · 27/09/2024 23:47

PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:41

He loves school when he gets there tho
Apparently around 10 minutes

That's not so bad but what are the flow on effects of that ten minutes? Is it the end of the driver's run or does he have another run to do, with other children arriving late at school because of it? In the end, one child causing significant issues for a larger group could make the difference.

SD1978 · 27/09/2024 23:49

Whilst the attitude sounds poor, not denying that, how long is it taking to get your son off the bus at home time?

Sparklefroggle · 27/09/2024 23:55

Given a horn sounds to get off the bus at home, could it be the case that your son is waiting/hoping for similar at school?

Fedupmumofadultsons · 27/09/2024 23:55

PinkChaires · 27/09/2024 23:33

I wanted to ask, if i complain, can they stop taking him to school?

They can stop that transport but they must supply another so pointless really .sorry you and your son having a hard time .as for parent tell her to get lost your son is entitled to be there just as much as hers .good luck .

mitogoshigg · 28/09/2024 00:00

The problem is that schools aren't a one sized fits all solution and autism is very varied. My autistic dd wouldn't be able to cope with your son's stimming noises nor noise in the classroom, she ended up being taught separately in what was basically a cupboard. She's very bright though, quite different challenges

Original poster
PinkChaires · 28/09/2024 00:03

All kids are taken off the bus and no other round. The lady who takes care of the kids apparently has a completely separate 2nd job, bus driver doesn't

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkChaires · 28/09/2024 00:04

Sparklefroggle · 27/09/2024 23:55

Given a horn sounds to get off the bus at home, could it be the case that your son is waiting/hoping for similar at school?

Hmm, im not sure he would understand that but ill mention

OP posts:
ThatAgileGoldMoose · 28/09/2024 00:14

Definitely complain about the bus driver and assistant. If they don't want to deal with stimming and what sounds like mild non-compliance then they are clearly not suited to working with SEN.