To be really really pissed off with my Son's Bus drivers and the parent?

[PinkChaires]

Background- DS is 10 and is profoundly disabled- autistic with global developmental delay, never a word spoken, understanding of maybe an 18 -24 month old. Is violent towards himself but never others. Makes stimming 'Ahhhhhh' sounds which are yes very loud.

He has a new bus this year to get to school and the driver and the lady who helps have been really disrespectful. They constantly complain about his noises but honestly what do they expect with special needs kids? His special interest and the thing that calms his is being in a car/bus so the long bus ride is really enjoyable for him. He didn't want to get off one day and on the bus ride home both the driver and the lady were being quite rude going on and on about how they were late to get home/ to second job. But again I believe this should be expected when taking a job which involves special needs? Also, when i collect him from the bus they always say 'hurry hurry hurry'- i come literally the second they honk the horn!

Separate issue- school is divided into different sections for kids who are high functioning/low functioning. DS has violent loud tantrum where he hits himself. A parent whos child is high functioning has messaged me on class dojo complaining that ' my son move to this school so that he could get away from the busyness and noises of mainstream but yours is ruining it for him' im really annoyed- i think she should have expected there would be kids with a higher need than her sons?

Agree with this, your DS isn't doing anything wrong and it's up to the school to manage, not you.

Nope I am sorry. I completely agree with the OP, this is their job, it can’t be treated the same way as other jobs there needs to be compassion and understanding and also expectation of some delays.
my dad does this job he drives the bus and has a person who does the more people side, though he often gets out and helps too. He would never complain about an additional needs kid or adult as he drives adults too in his second hour, it’s actually kind of disgusting to be honest.
OP complain, to the school and to the bus company. I hope it improves for you.

YANBU for the most part.

But suggesting that the bus drivers ABU for expecting to finish work on time, and should just ‘expect to be late for their own families/second jobs’ because your son is SEN is extremely unreasonable. They don’t owe you anything, they don’t work for free, and they aren’t a charity.

I agree. The easy solution is to build the extra time into the driver's contract. Then delays aren't an issue and he's not expecting to be finishing at drop off time.

Ah op this sucks. My sons bus driver has a son that also attends sen school and he's lovely. That being said the waiting for the horn id find incredibly rude. We wait up window as its usually within a 10 min time slot then as soon as it turns the corner to our street, we go out. They're also understandably not meant to touch the kids so if your DS is refusing to get off then it's more important you're ready to go on the bus and get him off.
The other parent, I understand her concerns but that's for her to discuss with the school and not your issue. Block and ignore

The other mother was inappropriate messaging you about this. Your DS can’t help it and it is up to the school to manage. Completely different if he was hurting other children and/or staff and nothing was being done about it but it doesn’t sound like this is the case. The bus thing again should be up to the school, you aren’t there on drop off at school so the school need to sort it.

The OPs son isn't being difficult. It's part of his special needs, just as taking longer to get off due to physical disabilities would be.
Both of these need to be accounted for within the contracted time that they have.

Exactly. And that's nothing to do with OP, that's on the local authority (or whoever employs them).

I just wanted to send my sympathy to you OP. You have a lot to deal with and people should be trying to help you not make life harder.

Regarding the bus, the staff should not be complaining about your son to you or to him. That's awful. Ultimately if its difficult for them to get away on time they should be discussing strategies with the school or should be getting paid for extra time. But that isn't your fault and it isn't your son's fault.

As for the other mother, block her and complain to the school.

I have been told multiple times to wait for the horn. They dont like it if i come early as they cant prepare the other kids/ my son

Sorry you have had to deal with this OP. As if parenting isn’t enough of a shitshow for you.
Just ignore.

please contact home school transport about the bus driver and escort. they are obviously not right for the job.
as for the other parent , block them and speak to the school.

Hey

I wouldn't expect the escort and driver to be rude and make comments about your son -

Your son not wanting to get off the bus at school - definitely speak to school about this and see if there is anything they could do or suggest to help?

My dd gets transport and I know the driver has other pick ups/jobs after getting her to school so delays wouldn't be ideal.

Other than that, you could contact school transport at the council and tell them the situation and see if there are options they could suggest? They may move your son to his own transport or a different bus maybe?

The other parent is just rude, if they have an issue they should speak to school not be messaging you.

If my ds were to move to his own transportation, would i have to go with him?

Or would there be an escort with him there

School will have a transport liaison staff member. That is who you speak to regarding the reported issues getting your son off the bus at school - find out whether it is indeed a problem, mention that the driver and escort have complained to you about his reluctance, and work with the school staff member if need be on improving the situation. As somebody else mentioned, your son might be waiting for an audible trigger.

As for the other parent, block / ignore / mention to school if it's really bothering you. Some autistic children are upset by noise; others crave it and make lots of noise themselves. My son is one of them, he makes loud vocal noises but also likes having loud noises around him (he's partially deaf). It's never been mentioned as an issue by school, and I note that sometimes his class members wear ear protectors (and feel slightly guilty!) but I trust school to handle this appropriately.

This is a child who's never going to be independent. A little kindness doesn't hurt.

Doubt it.

He's entitled to go and he's entitled to LA transport

It's not like he's aggressive or a danger to anyone

Better training is needed by the sounds of it.

Who are they complaining to? You?

Completely agree. I'd be waiting ready for the bus, not waiting for the bus to honk!
It's not unreasonable to expect OP's son to get off the bus when requested rather than sitting there as he enjoys the ride. They have other stops (and second jobs) to get to.
Yes some patience is needed but it seems the OP expects a personalised service which a community bus serving many others cannot provide.
OP is being unreasoanble and should get her son a taxi rather than inconvenience everyone else both ends of each journey.

We have a son with similar needs who also gets transport to and from his specialist school and due to the various factors there's a ten to fifteen minute window of time within which the bus might arrive on any day, obviously it's silly to be waiting by the window or on the doorstep the whole time! Our bus guide gives us a missed call as they turn into our road which works well (except that they always call my husband, never me, even though our working patterns mean it's me more than half the time! He just immediately calls me though so it's fine).
OP this is so unfair for you. That mum is awful and school need to have a word with her. She should take it up with the transport provider if she thinks her son needs alternative arrangements. My son (who for a non-verbal person is the loudest person I've ever met!!) has always been on the bus with kids from the more mainstreamish bits of his special schools and we have not had these issues (if any parents have then they have sensibly not addressed them to me!)
Good luck to you and your lovely boy xx

OP, this post breaks my heart. Your son sounds similar to my boy and it’s so unfair to hear of a child being discriminated against by another parent but also professionals (bus driver and escort) , just makes me really sad and angry.

i don’t know how your LA works but here the school don’t run the buses that’s done by council school transport coordinator, as my son also used to “drop” and refuse to get off the bus at home time.
My poor boy struggled on a mini bus with 11 other kids for two years, he was lashing out, grabbing hair, put in a special harness, I fought the council and got nowhere until he eventually took his seatbelt off on the dual carriageway so they had to take action.

He was given a wheelchair even thought he’s physically fit but could then be transported on a wheelchair accessible bus with only four other kids and no one in his personal space and wheeled on and off with no issues. Good as gold 😊

I know he isn’t being difficult, I haven’t suggested he is being? The driver is obviously having to make his arrival known, by beeping the horn, so the OP is not there as he arrives to help her DS off the bus. The OP needs to be there when the bus arrives on the dot, to facilitate her DS off the bus, and ensure the driver is not late.

I teach at a special school and the children who come on their own transport come with an escort, parents don’t have to support. Individual transport is more expensive for the local authority though so it can be quite difficult to have them approve it, usually it is only offered if the child doesn’t easily fit onto any pre-existing routes due to their location or if the child sharing transport really cannot tolerate sharing with anybody else.

I will also say it is not uncommon for students not to want to get out of their bus or taxi at our school, especially at this point in the autumn term where they have had a long summer break, have likely had changes to their class (teacher, TAs, peer group, classroom etc) and are still getting used to the routine. The teacher should be working to find the strategies which will support and motivate your son to transition off the bus smoothly, for example making sure he is supported by someone familiar, that his communication system is in place to tell him where he is going once off the bus and that his morning routine once he is off the bus and in school is motivating and predictable. I would speak to his teacher about the complaints from the transport, in my school if a child was having an issue getting off the bus we would hold an MDT with all of the staff working with them invited, including the behaviour support team and therapists such as SaLT and OT, to try and put together a solution. We would also keep a record of when the student wasn’t getting off the bus, for example using an ABC chart, to see if there is any pattern as to when it’s happening, for example it may always be when the car park is busy or when it’s raining or when a specific song is on the radio. We would look to see if there is a pattern/ cause which can then be worked around. Having to change to different transport would be a last resort only if nothing else we tried to put in place worked!

Exactly @Mumofmarauders sometimes they come at 4:30 , sometimes they come at 5. One time they even came at 6 but there was traffic. Am i meant to wait that long?

My son has similar needs ,and we have ongoing problems with transport ,I honestly think they exacerbate his behaviour, he's 14 now ,over the years we have had excellent,mediocre and utterly terrible transport PA,s ,they have threatened to not Puck him up on occasion so i can really sympathise
Regarding the other parent that sounds awful I would speak to school ,there is absolutely no way they should be messaging you on class do jo,school need to put a stop to thst
My sons school is for pupils who have severe to profound learning disabilities, so there is more of a level of understanding with the parents as all our children have complex needs.