To be really really pissed off with my Son's Bus drivers and the parent?

[PinkChaires]

Background- DS is 10 and is profoundly disabled- autistic with global developmental delay, never a word spoken, understanding of maybe an 18 -24 month old. Is violent towards himself but never others. Makes stimming 'Ahhhhhh' sounds which are yes very loud.

He has a new bus this year to get to school and the driver and the lady who helps have been really disrespectful. They constantly complain about his noises but honestly what do they expect with special needs kids? His special interest and the thing that calms his is being in a car/bus so the long bus ride is really enjoyable for him. He didn't want to get off one day and on the bus ride home both the driver and the lady were being quite rude going on and on about how they were late to get home/ to second job. But again I believe this should be expected when taking a job which involves special needs? Also, when i collect him from the bus they always say 'hurry hurry hurry'- i come literally the second they honk the horn!

Separate issue- school is divided into different sections for kids who are high functioning/low functioning. DS has violent loud tantrum where he hits himself. A parent whos child is high functioning has messaged me on class dojo complaining that ' my son move to this school so that he could get away from the busyness and noises of mainstream but yours is ruining it for him' im really annoyed- i think she should have expected there would be kids with a higher need than her sons?

I think people think my son regularly does not get off the bus, he does get off but occasionally after a long break or when hes in a bad mood he wont. Unfortunately that must have happened last week. Its not a major problem as 95% he will get off the bus at school. Also, he only doesn't get off the bus when he arrives at school, not at home.

Sound really hard xxx im really grateful that this is the only problem we have with transport but we have had problems in the past with ds being pinched by other kids in class. Im glad it got resolved

Tell the school that them not getting your son off the bus quickly is upsetting the driver and helper. Nothing you can do about it that is entirely up to the school. Similarly the complaining mum, nothing you can do about it and I would tell her so. If she doesn't expect a special school to have children with significant problems she has made a mistake and should put her son back in mainstream. Doesn't like a noisy environment would rule out pretty much all schools really.

Inconvenience to the driver, the assistant's second job, how the school get children off the bus, some other child's needs - none if these things are the OP's concern.
These are all things for the school or bus company to manage.

OP's only job is to advocate for her own child.

I would definitely complain.

Doesn't matter of he refused to get off every single day - he is disabled, his SEN school and transport are trained and funded to manage his behaviour.
You can't do anything about it.

I have one of those. It doesn't change anything.

No they have bidded the LEA for the contract and.

Op I feel for you. Life can be so bloody difficult and these people are being cows. The bus staff need to shut their mouths and get another job. Your son is who he is. And the other mum needs to be spoken to. She has likely forgotten that when her child was in mainstream, some people were likely saying similar about her child. How quickly she has forgotten what it's like. I'm speaking from my gut so I'm aware my post may offend.

I wait for the P/A to phone Me every morning ,they meet me in a busy car park behind my house ,I'm not going to wait outside because my son cannot understand the need to wait and has no awareness of danger ,he's 14 now and although very small for his age I'm finding it more difficult to contain him ,and he would just run into a moving car ,I need to keep him safe in the house
This thread shows that some posters have little understanding of disabilities.

Little girl next door with autism gets onto her special needs bus with ear phones. Think she wears them quite a bit. Thought this was normal for kids who can get over sensitised to other noises but cant be removed form that particiular situation like a bus ride.

All children are different ,my son wouldn't be able to.tolerate ear defenders he would just throw them on the floor.

This nails it.
The school needs to help your DS and find strategies to get him off the bus or arrange that the bus shift is long enough to get everyone off it. 10 mins is not OT, a bad traffic jam would add 10 mins to a bus journey

And just to add the bus driver and school told her to wait for the honk so she's literally following instructions!

Read the post! The OP said the difficulty is at the school end. There's no issue at her end

@x2boys

So true, my dd could not stand things touching her head including the hair brush and hair washing!

No one size fits all and one child's reasonable adjustment is another child's nightmare. It's almost impossible to group some sen dc for this reason.

I do agree though you need to be waiting for the bus, not waiting for them to sound the horn, we were told we had to stand on the pavement as part of the home to school transport agreement, harsh in bad weather but easier than having to take them to school

I don't understand your comment.

You've got direct knowledge, mine is only second hand, so I'll bow out on this one.

He didn't want to get off one day and on the bus ride home both the driver and the lady were being quite rude going on and on about how they were late to get home/ to second job. But again I believe this should be expected when taking a job which involves special needs?

With all due respect, this is just a job for them and you don't know what other commitments someone may have. They might not be paid for working over either. They do sound unreasonable in a lot of respects, but you shouldn't expect someone to work free overtime for any reason. I wouldn't include this in your list of complaints going forwards as this point makes you look unreasonable.

Chuffing nora, I'm appalled to read this post. Where's your empathy and any kind of understanding about SEN or customer service?

Waiting ready for the bus has already been addressed.

It actually is unreasonable to expect kids with SEN to always behave as desired.

The OP is not expecting a personalised service. She is asking if she is unreasonable to expect people employed by a service for SEN to understand that things do not always run on time with SEN kids. I would add to that that she should be able to expect employees providing a service to behave with professionalism. They shouldn't be being rude to parents, kids or colleagues. If they have a problem with the drop off at school sometimes taking 10 minutes longer, the appropriate professional behaviour would be to speak to either the school staff or their employers to request resolution - not to be rude to the child's parent at the end of the day. OP has every right to expect professional behaviour from capable adults.

They shouldn't be being rude to a parent about it. They should address the matter with the school and/or their employers.

The OP (and others) have said several times now that she is instructed to wait for the horn by the bus company. She has even asked again recently to be sure that it's still what they want her to do - it is.

She is waiting at home, ready to go out when the horn is sounded.

But as you said it's not one size fits all if your daughter can wait on the pavement safely that's all well and good my son however can't, he has absolutely no awareness of danger and he can't wait, ,waiting exacerbate, s his behaviour ,he frightened me last year when he tried running off from me I struggled to contain him safely ,I m not prepared to jeopardise my sons safety to convenience school transport .

Waiting without a routine canbe a huge trigger for man SEN children. This is probably why they have been asked to wait for the horn. A simple signal to him that it is time to go, rather than the uncertainty of waiting outside. Plus the OP has said that this is what has been requested, why anyone is still challenging it is beyond me.

If you work with social beds children you need to be prepared for way more frustrating situations than a child not wanting to get off a bus. One of the key attributes you will need is patience. If you aren't patient and aren't happy to deal will frustrating situations, it's not the job for you.

If your child is non verbal how have you heard the conversation about being delayed? Did they speak to you? The other parent should not be contacting you direct, direct them to the school and let the staff know.

My daughter had school transport throughout her time in special school and now has a similar arrangement at the day centre she attends. She also "stims" and can be vocal and at worst bites herself, most of the time staff have strategies in place such as making sure she is not too warm and has something to hold to save her from getting distressed. I would be very upset and horrified if my daughter was treated the ways you described by the staff on the bus and would speak to anyone involved to make sure the issues are addressed. I have always made sure I can see and hear the bus arriving and get ready as soon as I see it go past the window. I expect consistent pick up and drop off times so can get stressed if it is late.