Competitive parenting? From DD (5) best friends parents

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My DD is in Y1 and her friend goes to swimming lessons and gymnastics and loves both. I tried my DD with swimming lessons as she normally loves swimming but she wouldn’t go in and was crying. They were then bragging about how well their DD is doing and that she’s getting certificates and excelling in her swimming and gymnastics classes. They’re also now bragging that she is a member of the school council and how much confidence she has and how much she’s getting on well in Y1. Whereas my DD is more shy and doesn’t tend to put herself forward for things and she is finding the transition into Y1 harder. They are always bragging about something that she has done which I understand is nice that they’re proud, but I’m also proud of my DD and they seem to do it on purpose. Aibu to think they are trying to be competitive?

Are you sure it's not just conversation between friends? She should be allowed to talk about her DD, just because she's good at something and confident doesn't mean it can't be mentioned.

You can't know that they are doing it on purpose. They just sound proud and you sound insecure.

I do agree but it seems constant and it’s like if I ever say something, whatever they say has to bigger and better if that makes sense

Sounds like her dd is thriving and doing well and they are proud of her.

What does your dd do to make you proud?

I'm sure there's lots of things your DD does that makes you proud too.

I think you're thinking too far Into it. People love to talk about their children and what they do.
They might just do that more than you.

They also could be being competitive but who cares, what can anyone do about it ?
Just don't spend time with them if they bother you so much.

I do, I tell them things but whatever they say has to be better

Well then that's their issue.

Are you annoyed with your dd that she didn't stick at swimming?

That's a different story to your opening post.

I find some parents are very competitive and I think you need to leave the competition and not get involved. Let it all wash over you and talk about other things. On the other hand, I have a friend whose daughter is very talented in one of my favourite hobbies and I love to hear about she's getting on and would absolutely go and watch her in this hobby. In my experience, all children have their own strengths and it is not healthy for children to base their self esteem on being the best at something.

Are you sure they’re bragging, rather than just talking about she’s up to? Could it be that you’re concerned with how your daughter is settling into her class, so her classmate’s parents saying she’s taking it in her stride fees boastful and targetted to you when your daughter is struggling, but it’s actually a fairly neutral conversation.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Or something. It sounds like you have 2 very different children.

They sound tedious as fuck, I’d be distancing myself.

Who cares? Seriously, just continue doing what you do with your own child and let them get on with it.

No, I don’t mind it, I still take her at the weekends. It’s just I told them about this and they were all of a sudden oh Daisy loves it, she’s got all her certificates and is moving up the classes, she’s doing so well and then start talking about how much confidence she has etc. Same when they asked how DD was getting on in Y1 they were then saying how much Daisy is excelling so far in Y1 and how amazing her attitude is

I’m childfree and these are the same sort of conversations I have with my friends/relatives/colleagues. They’re obviously not doing it to ‘one up’ my children because I don’t have any. It’s just a normal conversation that parents have with most people they talk to. Share your daughter’s achievements and goings on with them. If they try and ‘one up’ her achievements just say something like ‘aw isn’t it lovely they’re both doing so well at X’ and move the conversation on.

Yes, this is all about tone, so it's difficult for anyone here to say whether it's normal conversation or bragging. But you wouldn't be posting if it didn't come across as bragging , so yep, I'd just inwardly roll my eyes if I were you. There's not really anything you can come back with, without sounding insecure.

They're probably just chatting and don't t realise how they come across to you. But they may genuinely be competitive which is a risky game at 5yrs old, mine are teens now and in most cases the kids excelling in everything at age 5 aren't the same kids excelling at age 15, kids develop at different rates, experience different things and there are so many changes to come, just nod along, be proud of your daughter, don't get into the competition.

100% this!

I have a few parent friends who do this endless bragging about their DC. I have really backed off from them to be honest as I find it excruciating and I'm afraid I do think it's about being competitive about achievements/ intelligence etc.

I think it’s silly that your reaction to this is to criticise them rather than to try and work out how you too could support your anxious, struggling daughter to develop her confidence like her friend. Things like sports/classes and the school council do support children’s social development.

I had a friend like this. I’m not sure if it’s competitiveness and obviously I know it’s normal to think your child is the best but it can get frustrating.

Our DS took a while to get into weaning onto food, friend would constantly ask about how it was going and would then say “Oh my DS eats everything and is doing amazing with his weaning I’m so glad he isn’t picky”

Or if she saw my toddler was being shy she’d point out that her DS was really outgoing and doing so so well with his amazing social life

People say it’s just then making convo but I knew she was doing it in a “my sons better than yours” way

Don’t let it get to you though.

Yes and that’s why we tried Swimming and also Rainbows last year but she just didn’t want to take part. She’s not anxious or struggling, I said she was more shy than her friend is and is finding the transition harder. She’s only just turned 5 at the end of the summer holidays so there is a big jump

Yes, that’s how it feels