Competitive parenting? From DD (5) best friends parents

[Apple97]

My DD is in Y1 and her friend goes to swimming lessons and gymnastics and loves both. I tried my DD with swimming lessons as she normally loves swimming but she wouldn’t go in and was crying. They were then bragging about how well their DD is doing and that she’s getting certificates and excelling in her swimming and gymnastics classes. They’re also now bragging that she is a member of the school council and how much confidence she has and how much she’s getting on well in Y1. Whereas my DD is more shy and doesn’t tend to put herself forward for things and she is finding the transition into Y1 harder. They are always bragging about something that she has done which I understand is nice that they’re proud, but I’m also proud of my DD and they seem to do it on purpose. Aibu to think they are trying to be competitive?

Parents like this are such a bore. One thing I would gently try to push is swimming lessons. We found a class in a small private pool with only 4/5 DC with the instructor in the water. We were sat feet away at poolside. Swimming is such an important skill I'd want to encourage it as much as possible, especially when you say you DC is happy to go with you at weekends so their fear of water during lessons can be overcome.

I think the question you have to ask yourself is why is it triggering you? Parents talk about their kids all the time. Clearly, it sounds like you are feeling insecure about your daughter. Maybe next time you can chime in and talk about subjects that your daughter is thriving in too.

With all due respect you sound like you have an inferiority complex.
The little girl is obviously thriving, her parents are correct that school council does wonders for confidence (& also develops leadership skills).
Focus on your own child & maybe learn something from the parents who are doing a great job. This isn't about you or your child, you sound very sensitive. Don't let your sensitivity & inferiority complex rub off on your child.

We had some parent friends like this. It didn't matter that our DC were very different and ours was more artistic and bookish while theirs was outgoing and sporty – every time we saw them they'd wang on about how well their kid was doing at x, y and z and what a shame* ours didn't fancy the same activities. It was so tedious that when the girls grew apart we were very happy to let the friendship wither too.

*Always said with a condescending head tilt.

@Temp14 I think some parents are too focused on their own children and think the world revolves around them. I'm ok with my child not being top at sports, she's good at other things. I would not dream of chatting to other parents about all her awards and scores! There are plenty of other topics to discuss, with my actual friends. A lot of my DC friends are less academic than her, she NEVER tells them she is in better sets or brags. What an awful behaviour! Just do your best.
I have to laugh at some posters here blaming OP for not enjoying this. I understand they might have different values to me, personally I don't enjoy competitiveness too much. I had a competitive friend as a child, I can see now it was not a healthy friendship and it did not survive.

Also @Apple97 where are you meeting these parents? Very easy to avoid them if you don't enjoy their company.

Ugh I have a friend like this. My DD and hers are the same age and all I ever hear is a monologue of how fabulous her daughter is. How many friends she has, she is top of her class, a sporting prodigy, will play professional soccer one day blah blah blah. She once told us all her daughter only gets fruit for snacks, doesn't like junk food. Meanwhile my other friend pipes up 'well that's strange as she was getting stuck in to the hairibos and chocolate at little Lucy's party the other day' LOL. Honestly these parents are such a bore and just have zero self awareness.

They arnt bragging. They are saying a matter of fact on things that are happening. It seems like you're bitter and seeing it as bragging because you think your child isn't as good as the other child. So you are making it seem like a competition.
If we didnt talk about our lives and our kids romother parents then what would we talk about? The kids are the one thing that you both have in common. Perhaps take your daughter in a different direction and rather than swimming and gymnastics, find something your daughter will enjoy and then she will do well in.

@Pumpkinsoup24 How about talking about things other than your kids? Like the whole world out there and all those magical things in it.

There are definitely some parents like this out there.

DD's best friend's Mum for example.

It's quite wearing. Hearing all the time about how fabulous her child is and how it's so difficult to decide what secondary school to go to because they all offered scholarships (for example..)

Post GCSE results was funny. None of the rest of us talked about it (why would you when it's such a personal thing) but then when she didn't we knew she hadn't got stellar results as we'd have heard all about that.

Normal service was resumed for A level results - boasting without even asking how everyone else had got on.....

Smile and change the subject - or see less of them is the only way forward?

Wow you ran with that didn’t you.

What a load of nonsense. Also, I am sure OP is doing a great job too.”maybe learn something from the parents who are doing a great job” get a grip!

As I said in my comment, I had a friend who did this. It isn’t just them talking about how great their DD is, they are doing it purposely to put OP’s DD down.

No. I stand by my post. Op can avoid these parents if she wants. The majority of times the only thing school parents have is common is their children which is why they talk about them.
The other child sounds delightful & her achievements are no slight on the OPs child.
If anything OP is going to pass this attitude onto her child. There are high achievers in every classroom across the UK, that's life. I can't imagine how talking about a child is putting another one down if what the parents are saying is true then it's fact.

Why wouldn't people talk about their kids? It's normal.

@Pumpkinsoup24 Talk about your kids. But there must be more in your life that you don't have to big up Little Suzie all the time and you can focus on something else - maybe what you are up to, what your plans are, or what your partner is doing, or life, or anything else on occasion?

Or is that why you, and people like the OP is talking about big up Little Suzie all time? Is it because there is nothing else in your life so by bigging her up you are filling a gap where you are somewhat wanting?

In what way is it better?
are you sure she is being competitive or are you comparing your child to her friend. Your friend might not even be thinking about her daughter in relation to yours .

Oh yeah,of course i could say aall those things too....and I do with my friends, but if it's just the mum at the school then I dont really speak much more other than the kids. I'm.not there to make friendships and tell a whole life story.
And thanks....but plenty of stuff to talk about. Should I say how we've got Lapland booked? How we've just went ski-ing at the weekend? Thar my husband is off to Africa doing reschedule for the University he teaches in? Honestly....people would find dault in anything I'd I spoke about my life s it's so pact. On the other hand I do love historic things and somehow think I'd put them to sleep talking about that stuff.

I'm not an airhead who can hold a conversation about love island.

She might not be comparing the children, but it surely sounds like a 'me me me' situation. Some people don't really enjoy that conversational style!
Each to their own.

I went to school with someone like this, her parents stopped doing at 15 when she got pregnant.

Another one, was head boy and perfect at everything and blah blah blah. He ended up getting HIV when he lost his virginity and only confessed to it years later because he was too embarrassed.

Another one, I overheard her mum saying how glad she was that her daughter wasn't fat like me. Now her daughter is nearly double my weight, and she's not far off herself.

Just wait and see how it turns out.

Agree with @Pumpkinsoup24 the parents in the school are acquaintances, the only common denominator is our children.

I don't know about other posters here, but even when still going to baby groups and having a moan about how badly my DC slept, I always made sure to ask other mums about their experience and either moan together or express how lucky they are... you know... having a chat.
One of my DC was early with all big milestones, I wouldn't have dreamt to brag how she talked in (simple) sentences before age of 2 to someone whose child clearly didn't?! Just an asshole behaviour.
I also don't go telling my friends with less disposable income about how good my holidays were, just talk about something else.

It takes 2 people to compete. She can't do it if you don't give a shit what her kid is doing or where her kid is compared to yours and just focus on your child instead.

It’s not clear from the OP’s posts whether these people are ‘bragging parents’, though, or whether the OP is ultra-sensitised and perceiving boasting where there is none because she’s at some level worried about her shy, anxious child. To which I would say to stop comparing. Children develop at different rates. It’s important for young children to see their parents modelling trying new things (and getting stuff wrong and dealing with it), putting themselves forward for stuff and healthy friendships. If she’s seeing that modelled for her, she’ll get there at her own pace.

I'm sure they are proud of her. But bragging about how marvellous your child is will not go down well with other parents. Especially when there is an element of rubbing the other parent's nose in it, which appears to be the case here.

Jesus they're Y1, like 6/7 YO?

Why do you even give it second thought?

I do think they’re being competitive yes. I’m always talking about how proud I am of my daughter.
But, when friends are having a hard time of something I empathise by sharing similar stories of times we’ve struggled in a similar way. It seems very tactless to continue bragging about something when you’ve openly shared that its a challenge for you.