To ban spooning between certain hours

[Calmondeck]

DH is a hugger. He has 3 pillows, one for his head, chest, and back. But sometimes when his pillow fort fails him, he snuggles up to me, inevitably waking me in the process.

He thinks I’m a cold woman for grumbling about hugs, I think I’m going to murder him if I don’t get uninterrupted sleep.

I proposed a time ban - ie he can’t snuggle me before 7am (when our kids are waking up), he says that would defeat the purpose of him snuggling himself back to sleep if he had to look at the time.

Can I kill him?

He definitely needs to realise that people need different conditions to get optimum sleep. You’re not a sleep aid.

Agree with PP, you are definitely not a sleep aid!

Killing him might be a little extreme. Perhaps a little light mutilation would suffice in the first instance?

YANBU to set a time limit, though.

Can he honestly look you in the eyes and say his sleep is more important than yours?

Do you have a super-king-size bed? They are so good for minimising sleep disturbances between partners..

YWNBU to kill him. I'll help you hide the body if you then help me hide my DH's.

More than once we have had the 'Do. Not. Deliberately. Wake. Me. Up.' conversation. But of course he 'didn't mean to wake you up, it was just a cuddle' and then a full explanation that being touched will always wake me up and then it doesn't happen for a few months and then he does it again 🤯

My partner sets an alarm so he has time to cuddle me. I find it so fucking irritating.

You’re not his fucking comfort toy! Put a large bolster down the middle of the bed, or do separate rooms if he doesn’t reform.

That would make me murderous.

Lighthearted aside-listen to what he is saying-it is very problematic as he is saying you need to help him sleep when it suits him regards of your needs/wishes or impact on your sleep.

A conversation needs to be had-in the daylight and out of bed-where you make your very reasonable boundaries clear.

What about getting him one of those pillows for pregnant women that are sort of like a hugging pillow?

I'm a very light sleeper and I also can't regulate my internal thermostat since menopause. I'm always throwing off the bedcovers because of a heat surge. If someone so much as touched me when I'm sleeping I'd throttle them. I'm an advocate for separate beds, even separate rooms if your spouse snored like mine did, to get a good night's rest.

I would be livid if my DP tried this with me. My sleep is as important as his.

If your DH is too selfish or stupid to understand that he can't just use you as a sleep aid, then you'll have to get separate beds.

I suppose you could offer to swaddle him before he goes to sleep. It does work with some babies.

Really selfish of him.
Deffo get him one of those enormous u shaped pregnancy pillows. That will trap him on his side of the bed.

I may have been known to growl

What is it with these men?

My husband has a tendency to squeeze me in the night, like I'm a bloody comfort toy. He will reach over and lay his hand on my hip and proceed to squeeze and knead me.

I fucking hate it, it keeps me awake. He has got somewhat better after 10 years. I now try to go to bed first as he doesn't do it often when I'm already asleep.

He snuggles himself back to sleep by waking you?

What he's showing you there is that he believes his sleep is more important than yours. He needs to be called out on that.

Selfish arse.

Time for separate bedrooms?

DP is like this, sometimes I feel like a teddy! Get the biggest bed you can and build a wall of pillows up the middle. Or separate bedrooms.

My DH does that. He thinks it’s loving and intimate. I think it’s fucking annoying.

Ditto for the cuddles from behind when I’m buzzing about trying to do something, like folding washing or putting dishes away. I’d find help more romantic!

Yep - we have exactly this agreement! Dp used to like to come and spoon me if he woke up in the middle of the night - would settle him down but wake me up - so I imposed a spooning ban from the time we go to sleep to the time I wake up, as he usually sleeps like the dead but I really struggle. He agreed because he gets that my sleep is stupidly fragile and so am I if I don't get any...

A super King bed is also the best thing I have ever bought - space and peace...!! 😀

So, to make sure he gets his sleep, you have to sacrifice yours?
What a pile of crap

My partner sometimes snuggles into me in the night.. I just shrug him off usually!
I don't like spooning at any time.(to me)
Though I like to cuddle into my partner at night but even he will need me to move eventually.
I also can't be doing with him coming over expecting a random hug or kiss because it's always always when I'm in the middle of making a meal.
Who said romance was dead? Ha

Fuck that! Tell him to stop

Next time -

-sorry you’ll have to do dinner tonight. I’m too tired after you waking me up last night.
-sorry you’ll have to drive. I’m too tired after you waking me up last night
-sorry you’ll have to sleep in the spare/on couch for tonight, I need to catch up on sleep very badly and I can’t trust you not to wake me

etc

Ask for this thread to be deleted before you justifiably murder him.

You're not a comfort object.

I hate to admit this, but I'm occasionally guilty of this. Even worse, when I've (rarely) woken him up, I've told him that he was having a nightmare and I was cuddling him to calm him down.