To ban spooning between certain hours

[Calmondeck]

DH is a hugger. He has 3 pillows, one for his head, chest, and back. But sometimes when his pillow fort fails him, he snuggles up to me, inevitably waking me in the process.

He thinks I’m a cold woman for grumbling about hugs, I think I’m going to murder him if I don’t get uninterrupted sleep.

I proposed a time ban - ie he can’t snuggle me before 7am (when our kids are waking up), he says that would defeat the purpose of him snuggling himself back to sleep if he had to look at the time.

Can I kill him?

This is a great example of someone being an entitled bully but disguising it as love and affection. With our partners, once we have said from the first moment that we don’t like something they do, they should STOP doing that the first time, not the second, not the third, the FIRST!

Any excuse such as, I do it because I love you, why don’t you want me to be affectionate? That’s just trying to make themselves the victim and bulling you.

This is the equivalent to a partner being annoyed that they are awake and the person they apparently love is sound asleep and poking them or coughing loudly so they wake up. Then they are also suffering awake and your partner can drift off knowing they fucked you over!

YANBU at all. This would make me murderous.

My ideal would be a double bed each.

Sadly we only have room for a superking.

We have a mattress & quilt each.

I think a standard double bed gives the two adults a cot bed size width of mattress each!

Selfish prick. My DH is a hugger but he also wants me to sleep so he accepts that we have a super king bed and separate duvets so I can sleep well because he's not an arsehole. Does your H genuinely think he should be able to use you as a human sleep aid regardless of your needs or is this a joke?

Yes it's fine to kill him in these circumstances.

Slightly less drastic if you are generally fond of him, start sleeping in separate beds. You can enthusiastically join him for snuggles when you have woken up and have time and have had enough sleep (set the alarm for 15 minutes before the kids are going to start moving)

The thing with being grabbed from behind when you are cooking or washing up is really annoying because it hinders what you are trying to get on with (why is always me trying to get on with something? Why do you have so much time to float about hugging people?) but also because I suspect the wave of soppiness is to do with seeing you in your “rightful” place, nurturing

I am a terrible sleeper and often wake up all adrenaline -filled and struggle to get back to sleep. Snuggling up to DH calms me down, and I fall gently back to sleep instead of lying awake for hours.

But that wakes him up and he doesn't like it, so as soon as her told me that, I stopped doing it and looked for alternative solutions.

I wish you were all getting better sleep, but it's nice to know I'm not alone!
My DH mentioned that I seemed a bit grumpy every time he tried to cuddle me last night. It's lovely that he wants to be affectionate...but I sleep lightly and it wakes me every single time. Of course I start being "a bit grumpy" when I've just been woken up for the 4th time!

Maybe we could get them all together for a joint murder? (Something low energy obviously)

Men are really shit about putting their “need” to grope a warm body in the bed over women’s need for sleep. I’m really stressing about it at the moment because I’m not well but I won’t recover without sleep but I’m afraid I will lose my partner if I limit my availability to him.

You could use the pillows. Leave no trace.

You're afraid you'll lose your partner if you 'limit your availability'? Lovely, that's not a partner you should be trying to keep. Really.

I can't sleep with someone hugging me, but if I wake up in the middle night I like to cuddle my OH. Fortunately he doesn't mind.
For Christmas get him some sort of special body cuddle pillow, I'm sure they exist.

I'm exactly the same. Broken thermostat from overactive thyroid and my DH knows to stay the fuck away from me in bed because my sleep is shit as it is, him hugging me would wake me straight away. Then I'd have to do something that I may not regret 🤭

Those long pregnancy pillows are ideal for this. Get him one for Christmas.

A partner who would leave you in these circumstances, and would put his desire for a cuddle over your need for rest, sleep and recovery, is not worth keeping.

Ask him how he's going to sleep when he's single if he needs to snuggle back to sleep.

What a disgusting man.

You're being objectified. Not necessarily sexually although I expect there's an element of it. But you are being objectified in the sense he thinks you're a tool to help him and not a full human being with needs.

This is hilarious!

Get a German bed with two separate mattresses. And two duvets.

DH would happily spoon me all night.
I can't fall asleep if he's hugging me. I tell him to get off.
Luckily he doesn't try it in the middle of the night.
Yanbu.

And the Berlin Wall down the middle.

I can't sleep if someone is touching me. I'd cuddle first, then turn over and go to sleep. No-one sane would then start touching me (cuddling or otherwise) til at least 7am or later. Madness!

Perhaps he really wants a fork?

Have you tried swaddling him?

Urgh YANBU, I hate this! I’ve recently started seeing someone who does this - I think I’ll need to mention it asap before it becomes a habit. I don’t think they do it maliciously - they think it’s being cute and intimate but it’s SO annoying!

We spoon until I fall asleep then dh goes into the bedroom next door. He snores and we can both wake in the night-then put the radio on to put us back to sleep. That would be very inconsiderate if we’re in the same room. Then he greets me with a smile and cup of tea in the morning. Maybe tell your dh his life would be so much sweeter with a happy wife.