To ban spooning between certain hours

[Calmondeck]

DH is a hugger. He has 3 pillows, one for his head, chest, and back. But sometimes when his pillow fort fails him, he snuggles up to me, inevitably waking me in the process.

He thinks I’m a cold woman for grumbling about hugs, I think I’m going to murder him if I don’t get uninterrupted sleep.

I proposed a time ban - ie he can’t snuggle me before 7am (when our kids are waking up), he says that would defeat the purpose of him snuggling himself back to sleep if he had to look at the time.

Can I kill him?

DP has moved out of our bedroom since I was about five months pregnant because I need so much space and so many pillows 😂 he comes in for a snuggle and to tuck me into my pillow fort (with the occasional shag if we fancy it! 😂😂😂) and then comes back in for a morning cuddle before we go to work. I miss him though, and can’t wait for him to come back! But we just weren’t sleeping well together so this is a temporary arrangement until I am no longer an uncomfortable little whale.

Yes.
Justifiable homicide.

I love a superking but in this case, if he’s shuffling over to OP then it’ll just take him slightly longer to reach her 😂

Could you not tell him that and tell him to stop?

I have two small double beds next to each other as my XP was a terrible fidget and snored horrendously. There are king size duvets and 4 pillows on each one so it’s super cosy!

It worked brilliantly, as even someone touching my mattress or pulling on the duvet wakes me up, so he had to slide out of his bed at the bottom without touching mine on his way out.

Now I’m the snorer and current DP is a very light sleeper (has eye mask, ear plugs, pillow spray, bedtime routine etc but still only sleeps about 4 hours if he’s lucky!) so he doesn’t even dare sleep in the same room as me. I stay in his spare room when I go over and he doesn’t sleep at mine at all.

I’d recommend 2 beds for anyone who is a reasonably light sleeper and separate rooms/houses for those more deeply affected!! Absolutely no reason to share a bed when you’re unconscious as these tales of inconsiderate twats show.

but I’m afraid I will lose my partner if I limit my availability to him

You must know now incredibly unhealthy this is? In multiple ways.

I bet he thinks it’s sweet and endearing, instead of infuriating and boundary pushing. Sleep is sacrosanct.

If I approach my DP during the day for a cuddle and it’s unwanted she makes a low growl and I move away. But in general she loves being touched.

God he sounds like a big baby YANBU

Send him this

www.resmed.com/en-us/sleep-apnea/sleep-blog/fact-or-fiction-do-women-need-more-sleep-than-men/

A couple of well-trained terriers down the middle of the bed will stop him.

“Women’s brains are wired differently, so their sleep need will be slightly greater. Women tend to multi-task—they do lots at once and are flexible, and so they use more of their actual brain than men do,” Horne says.

"Horne’s team studied this phenomenon with 210 middle-aged men and women and found that poor sleep is more associated with high levels of distress, hostility, depression and irritability in women. Oddly enough, these symptoms of poor sleep were not as intense in men, according to Horne."

Him sleeping does not trump you sleeping

Tell him you can only get back to sleep if he tells you a story. Then wake him three times a night asking for one.

Seriously, get your own bed if he continues

As PP said - you are not a sleep aid.

Is he cold? Does he need to wear warmer PJs or bedsocks or something? Hot water bottle (altho that won’t help at 5am)? This is his problem to solve, without waking you.

Bed (road) Spikes. Just don't roll onto them yourself.

I have two small double beds next to each other

Lucky you!

No room for that!

If he doesn't want to look at the clock then he can't do it at all. Simple.

I thought cuddling was one of the perks of a good relationship - not a declaration of war.

I love cuddling - and am generally open to a bit of spooning on a cold night.

Do I need to take a pill?

Yanbu @Calmondeck Dh and I spoon before going to sleep, but I like dh to go to his own side when we actually start falling asleep, as if he is still cuddling me the he starts to twitch which then tickles me and keeps me awake. Or even before the twitching starts to happen my brain remembers that this happens and then I am waiting for it to happen. Either way, it stops me from sleeping.

Good God, and you let him get away with it?

Ive been with dh for 20 years and have managed to train him out of touching me in the night by poking him/elbowing him off me with force. He now knows spooning/touching is allowed for up to about half an hour after lights off then it’s over to your own side to sleep.

Do you wake your partner to do it though?

@ThatTealViewer

Could you not tell him that and tell him to stop?

Oh he knows and I did (it's not like he mentioned my grumpiness and I just stared blankly at him in response). Luckily this isn't every night!

I don't mind before we go to sleep (and if I drop off in that position it's fine), or in the morning if he's awake before I get up. He doesn't seem to understand that not wanting to be touched when I'm already asleep isn't rejection. I've tried to explain but it's not clicked for him yet.

Why do you have so much time to float about hugging people?)

🤣🤣🤣