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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Birthday disappointment AIBU?

103 replies

Heartbones · 25/09/2024 14:45

I think I'm maybe being unreasonable but hoping for a different perspective so I can stop feeling unappreciated. My boyfriend makes little effort at birthdays imo, I have broached the subject in previous years but it's difficult as I don't want to seem selfish.

It was my birthday at the weekend. We usually agree a £100 budget for birthdays unless it's a big one. We were on holiday but we split everything including birthday meal and was more just the timing of holiday than for my birthday - incase this makes a difference. Anyway he bought me a pair of earrings and a make up bag I'd sent him as he didn't know what to buy, they came to around £50 total. He gave them to me in the delivery packaging and no card (this is normal, never had a card in 9 years) and didn't actually say happy birthday just "here's your present". I feel a bit disappointed this year as we usually agree a spending limit and he'd basically spent half of it. He's not struggling financially and spends a lot of his hobbies etc. He doesn't really ever treat me otherwise so perhaps that's getting to me aswell as I do try to do nice things for him (example I bought him new sturdy slippers as his had holes) but it's not reciprocated.

AIBU to be disappointed? I think I place more importance on birthdays than him but I'd just love a bit more effort or thought to make me feel appreciated sometimes?

OP posts:
Bachboo · 29/09/2024 22:08

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest. Of course he should make an effort on your birthday. He’s meant to love and care for you so he should want to make you happy. If he can’t be bothered don’t you bo bothered in future.

Bachboo · 29/09/2024 22:13

Heartbones · 25/09/2024 15:24

@murphys thanks for this as I definitely do think that's how I feel. The more I think about stuff the more I'm feeling underappreciated I'm the relationship and realising other aspects of that.
@Conniebygaslight I'm 29 and no kids.
@Pyjamatimenow I think you are right as it's like the small thing that's starting to shine a light on the other issues. I think for the first few years I never really thought about marriage as I was young and it felt far off but I am now wondering why we aren't at least engaged and probably feeding into that feeling of not valuing me.

Just dump this loser. You can do so much better and you deserve better too!

Welshmonster · 30/09/2024 00:23

My DH isn’t bothered by birthdays and doesn’t expect anything but DS and I make fuss and get cards and put candles in a cheap cake and sing happy birthday. Mainly so we can eat his cake.

DH made the mistake of missing my birthday as he has no idea about dates etc. he hasn’t made that mistake again. I said I was sad and disappointed.

Now it’s even easier as he has Moonpig and set up alerts. I also start announcing loudly 2 weeks before. We have been very poor and he wrapped up a Flake one year.

stop being his secretary. Don’t bother with cards and gifts for his family anymore.

also could he be ND and not aware of your emotions around this.

find someone that has the same values as you.

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