Have I been too hard on DD?

[Unconvinced8768]

DD15 is a good kid. Lately has been a bit rude/sullen/not nice to be around, just teen stuff really.
But tonight we had friends over and every time I laughed, she mimicked me to her friend, or repeated what I said in a mocking way.
it made me feel really shitty. Reminded me of being back at school and being bullied, actually.
When our friends left, I told her that she was out of order and how much it upset me. She didn’t seem overly remorseful so I took her phone away, in a ‘why should you have this if you can’t even be respectful of your own mum’ sort of way.
Now I feel like that was a bit of a harsh punishment…Aibu?

Nope. I would’ve pulled her up on it in front of her friend.

When she laughed I would’ve done the same back and when she naturally took offence I would’ve said “see not nice when people make fun out of you is it, do it again and your friend can go home and you can go to bed, understand?”

And if she did it again I would’ve followed through.

She was showing off in front of her friend and it’s rude and unkind. Removal of phone is more than fair in my opinion.

I would have pulled her up then and there and torn a strip off her when her friend left

I also would have pulled her up at the time.

Not too harsh, need to nip that in the bud and presumably you pay for her phone so she’s taking the piss. Stay strong OP, 15 is a shitty age. I hated it with my DDs but they do grow out of it.

She bullied you, in your own home, in front of your friends.

Punishment definitely fits the crime.

How long are you keeping the phone from her?

Have you had a conversation with her yet about bullying and why it's never acceptable?

She's old enough to understand when someone is out of order, annoying and disrespectful, her punishment isn't harsh at all. Don't let her get away with doing this again OP, mid teens can be total arseholes and think they're clever and funny when they're with their mates.

I would be really gutted about this OP. It's different IMO from the normal moody teen behaviour - it's nasty and spiteful. I don't think you've been too harsh on her.

This would deeply upset me too. It’s the lack of respect or care for your feelings.
I too would have pulled her up the first time it happened if it was done in a spiteful way. She was showing off. Mine would have got a very serious glare and a ‘I beg your pardon, don’t speak to me like that’. She’d have been embarrassed in front of her friends but I don’t think she’d do it again.

Definitely not unreasonable. Your daughter was purposely cruel and deserves to be punished.

That's really spiteful behaviour. I'd have glared at her the first time and after the second time told her that if she didn't stop behaving like a nasty little madam she could go to bed. And I'd have followed through with it too.

yanbu, she was choosing to be repeatedly nasty and hurtful

No that is really unkind. She was probably trying to act cool stupidly but the fact that she didn't apologise after you expressed it hurt your feelings is not nice at all. I have twin 15 year old daughters who also have mood swings and can be quite cranky and they would never treat me like that in front of friends, and their friends would be quite shocked if they did!! You have not been too hard

Thank you all. I glared at her at the time but if I’m truly honest I just felt small and embarrassed.
I explained to her that I felt bullied and disrespected but I don’t think she cared much. After I took her phone she came back and apologised- and then asked for her phone back.
I said no.

She was being horrible. My 15yr old DD can also be moody and cheeky to me and her Dad. She would NEVER treat me like that especially in front of people.. id cancel her bloody phone contract

She'd be lucky to get her phone back by the weekend if I were you.

Bloody hell, I would be down like an absolute tonne of bricks on that behaviour. How dare she! Like a PP said, she was bullying you in your own home, it's disgraceful behaviour. I think she's got off lightly.

I wonder if perhaps you are making too many allowances for 'teen behaviour' in general?

I think they forget they are at home sometimes and to be respectful. This sounds like she needs to think about how she treats others. Not only is this unkind to her peers but very disrespectful to speak to you and mimic you like this.

I would have said something at the time but I definitely think taking her phone off her is the right move.

So she’s sorry she lost her phone not that she’s hurt your feelings. I’d tell her to go to her room and stay there and have a think about her behaviour.

Well done OP. Stick to your guns on this one. Decide when you think is a reasonable time to give it back, and then follow through, on your terms. Don't budge.

I think you got it right in a roundabout way. It's your home and you decide. I actually would have pulled her up on it in front of people and said "you're not being very nice, disrespectful actually, please go to your room".

I maybe would not have connected the phone to the punishment but would have said she will be sent to her room (away) if she ever does that again. Then ignore.

I know, it feels like I got the punishment wrong...

to be honest if you don't discipline then your raising a brat. Kids need discipline and they need to be taught. don't let her get away with bullying her own mother. you did the right thing

Rule number one in our house is ‘don’t be a dick’. She broke the rule so she gets a punishment.

I don't think you did. Although I would have pulled her up at the time ("Did you mean to be such a brat?"), I would have avoided making a demand such as going to her room, because what if she had have refused, and escalated it further?

Teenagers aren't toddlers who need to have an immediate link between actions and consequences. Losing phone privileges for disrespectful behaviour is absolutely reasonable IMO.

The phone is the right thing because it will cause her inconvenience / no contact with her friends - a bit embarrassing for her with her friends if she misses out on a group chat ( a dose of her own medicine). a quick apology and it’s all over your DD learns nothing and thinks she can do it again.

Consequences need to have an impact - the phone confiscation is proportionate and appropriate. You need to decide for how long, personally I’d keep it for 48 hours and see if her tone improves during this time and remains civil - any back chat etc. and it’s another 12 hours