To be so distraught over child coldsore

[Mamamover]

Good morning guys,

I wondered if you guys think i’m being over the top? DH think I am.

I have had cold sores fon my face and down below for 20 years. Get an outbreak once every 12-18 months. I have serious health anxiety when it comes to my children to the point I have never kissed our 12 month old, not even on the head. My hands bleed where I clean them so much and i’m constantly anti bac wiping, for fear of passing it on.

He has been grumpy the last few days and a bit snotty. I noticed he had a red patch under his nose which started bleeding today.
I believe it’s a cold sore.

Im beside myself and have been sick from the guilt and anxiety of it. I’m the only one in our house hold who knowingly has the virus and i’m just absolutely distraught that i’ve passed this on to him. I can’t stop crying and just want to go to bed and sleep.

DH thinks i’m being dramatic but I don’t think I am. I’ve given my poor baby a lifelong virus.

AIBU?

My mum passed the virus on to me and I have lived with it for 60 odd years. It affects my eyes and lips. I use medication to limit the effects and carry on as normal. You know your health anxiety is the bigger problem here.

Most people have had cold sores in their lives...it is not that serious, what do you think is going to happen? You have it, goes away and every now and again comes back, has no effect in your live whatsover (genital can be more problematic)

I cannot belive you haven't kissed your baby, definitely better to have coldsores than a mum that never kisses you. I think you need to talk to your GP for tour anxiety.

Are you sure it's a cold sore and not just raw skin from all the snot? It seems almost impossible you could have given him a cold sore with such extreme hygiene and never kissing him.

Are you getting any help for the anxiety from your GP? As it sounds a very difficult way to live

It may not even be a cold sore, op. If he's snotty, it could just be a patch of irritated skin from having a runny nose, that has got a bit sore and cracked. This happens to my toddler whenever he has a cold. I just put vaseline on it. If however you have passed on the virus, it is very common, and completely beyond your control, so guilt is useless.

Your anxiety sounds quite debilitating. Have you seen anybody about it? It might be worth looking into, if you haven't already. It is such a shame for you to have to endure that, but also it'll be good to try to sort it now, while your baby is very young, to limit any chance of passing it onto your children in the future.

I think you need treatment for your health anxiety. Never kissing your child is likely to have a greater negative impact than passing on a cold sore.
Also children so need to be exposed to some bacteria so they can build up immunity

My DS 10 has had cold sores for about 3 years. (I don't get them and neither does my other DS but DH does and so does my mum)
It's more an annoyance than anything but it's not the end of the world.

I definitely think you need to see your GP about the obsession with cleaning and that's so so sad you haven't even kissed your baby. Please seek help OP that can't be a nice way to live at all 🌺

Get in to see the doctor and tell them what you've written up there. They may offer a swab for baby and support for you

DH and I get recurrent cold sores too and we've never kissed the children and never passed it on.

Having said that, how can it be a cold sore if you've been so careful? I suspect it's just a patch of red skin.

You need serious professional help.
You are doing far more damage to your child by refusing to kiss him than a cold sore will.
I have never seen this hysteria around cold sores anywhere other than mn.

I agree with others, you need to see the HO for yourself, never kissing your child, forever, potentially, that will be damaging....and get thr GP to check and confirm/ deny if it is

I agree with other posters. You not kissing your child and spending all your time cleaning will do hugely more harm than him/her having cold sores. Please get some help

Just reading through the replies now!
What awful typos in my post - I definitely should’ve proof read first oops!

I think also the guilt stems from HOW I probably got the virus in the first place, from being a “carefree” free spirited teenager….

Even if he has a cold sore, what does it matter?
Am I missing something?
They're not dangerous.

You need to see a doctor about your anxiety, never kissing your baby is really sad. I have cold sores, I just don’t kiss anyone when they’re active, my son is 21 and he’s never caught them from me and neither has my husband. Don’t be so hard on yourself, all the cleaning and washing hands isn’t good for you at all

I think you need to relax about it, it may not even be a cold sore.
My DH gets them, I’ve never had one and our kids have never had one. We just take simple precautions and don’t make a big deal about it - if he’s feeling run down he won’t kiss us on the lips, (he only usually kisses the kids on the cheek anyway), he keeps his toothbrush separate and he makes sure his plates and crockery go into the dishwasher straight away so. That is it.
Just wash your hands a normal amount, not all the time so they bleed, that’s not healthy for you. If you get them regularly can you get antivirals off your GP?

My mum used to get cold sores which she must have inadvertently passed on to me and I in turn must have inadvertently passed onto my son. Yes I feel bad about it but as others have said it can't be helped.

By the by, I use a cold sore 'zapper' that I got from amazon, and the first tingle I apply the zapper and the cold sore fails to develop. I can't remember now the last time I had a cold sore that managed to flourish, so to speak. I do recommend it, if you don't already have one.

I would rather be showered with kisses from my mum and suffer the occasional cold sore ( and was until she died )
In the kindest way possible OP I think you might need some help with your health anxiety , you and your kids not having a kiss as you are so worried is such a shame and you will both gain so much from the extra kisses !

Thank you everyone that has replied and commented on my post. I’m so appreciative of it I really am.

It seems that the vast majority have a really similar stance to be honest so i’ll try and post replies on this post to some of the questions.

What do I think is going to happen? A few things. The inevitable mum guilt (especially because of the way I contracted it myself when I was younger - being wild and carefree, and thus inadvertently inflicting that on my baby) Also the potential of him spreading it to his bits.Whilst highly unlikely, nothing is impossible. Him hating me for passing it to him.

Could it be from the cold/runny nose? Hmmm since posting this another 2 red spots have appeared. I’m not convinced and wonder if it’s actually the virus that has bought on the runny nose / cold symptoms.

Can I get antivirals? I have done in the past but to be honest, I get them so rarely it kind of outweighs the side effects I get from them (stomach issues)

Have I seen anyone about my anxiety? Yes! Even when my eldest was a toddler I spent a week in a rehab type centre for help. I’ve ploughed so much into it but I think i’m beyond saving. My mind always catastrophises and the “what ifs” are way too strong.

I wish I could relax. I know that when I get a flare up it doesn’t effect me, so I just abstain from certain things etc but it’s probably my fault I have the virus so have no one else to blame but myself. Whereas my poor innocent baby has had it inflicted onto him by me somehow.

Lots of people carry the cold sore virus without symptoms- if it is indeed a cold sore he didn't necessarily catch it from you.

I get cold sores all the time. Never given it more thought than "it's a bit annoying". Think my mum and dad used to get them. Again, never bothered me and I am much more grateful they gave me affection rather than worried about me getting a virus.

Does your anxiety only manifest in this way OP?
What support did you get in "rehab"?
You need to look at CBT and ABT plus long term therapy.
Modelling anxiety will do far more to affect your children's future lives than a very common virus that most people carry

(I say that as someone in therapy for health anxiety)

I think it is not only having health anxiety you need help for. Carrying such guilt from being a carefree teenager to the point you won’t kiss your child isn’t healthy at all.
we all carry regret and guilt from the past but you can’t let it affect your future and your relationship with your child

I get cold sores!

I kiss my DC regularly! Obviously not when I have one or can feel one brewing. And I don't kiss them on the lips (but not because of the cold sore thing- I just don't want to). They are 11 and 14 and have never had a cold sore. Neither has my DH and I kiss him on the lips (and elsewhere 😬) regularly.

Please consider getting more support for your health anxiety

It does yes pretty much. The rest of the time you’d never realised I suffered from such a thing. I’ve tried CBT a few times but feel like I can almost preempt what the therapist/coach etc is about to say next feel like my brain can’t be helped with it.
Sorry to hear you suffer the same fate. Hope you’re on the mend?