To be so distraught over child coldsore

[Mamamover]

Good morning guys,

I wondered if you guys think i’m being over the top? DH think I am.

I have had cold sores fon my face and down below for 20 years. Get an outbreak once every 12-18 months. I have serious health anxiety when it comes to my children to the point I have never kissed our 12 month old, not even on the head. My hands bleed where I clean them so much and i’m constantly anti bac wiping, for fear of passing it on.

He has been grumpy the last few days and a bit snotty. I noticed he had a red patch under his nose which started bleeding today.
I believe it’s a cold sore.

Im beside myself and have been sick from the guilt and anxiety of it. I’m the only one in our house hold who knowingly has the virus and i’m just absolutely distraught that i’ve passed this on to him. I can’t stop crying and just want to go to bed and sleep.

DH thinks i’m being dramatic but I don’t think I am. I’ve given my poor baby a lifelong virus.

AIBU?

I have just got over my most recent cold sore and I totally understand where you are coming from - they are AWFUL.

I am incredibly careful when I have one - handwashing, any utensils I use going straight into dishwasher, Compeed cold sore plaster on at the first sign. I never kiss my children anywhere near the mouth or nose at any time (only top of head), and don't kiss them at all during an outbreak. They know not to touch my face when I have one.

My grandmother and mother both got them and didn't take these precautions, so I've had them from a young age. I will be gutted if my kids end up with coldsores, but I think I have taken all reasonable precautions. It sounds like you are doing even more, OP - so this really really isn't in any way your fault.

I’ve had cold sores on my lips since I was a child (I only get them every 6 years ish) yeah they’re annoying but they don’t really do anything?

Also the herpes virus ‘down below’ is a different strain to the ones you get on your lips/mouth

I have had cold sores for forty years and was in no way " free spirited" - herpes simplex are not an STI... chances are more likely you caught it some other way. Nit that it actually matters because it's a minor inconvenience and nothing more.
Get help, your behaviour and anxiety are not normal.

OP I think you are over reacting. The fact is that the majority of people have the Herpes Virus - 7 out of 10 by the age of 25. However, only 1 in 3 people show symptoms. They haven’t found out why this is.

So those of you saying ‘my mum / Nan gave it to me’ it could just be that in your family you are more predisposed to show the symptoms.

There are a lot more facts on this website:
https://herpes.org.uk

DD gets them - they started when she was about 3 - but none of us get them. I don’t know who gave it to her, it’s not something I’ve thought about much. They were worse when she was younger but we’ve got better at managing them. It’s just a fact of life, like some people get acne, or migraines, or constipation, or hayfever, or veruccas… inconvenient and annoying but not life threatening.
We hug and kiss as normal (except when she has a cold sore of course).

There are loads of different cold sore treatments out there, so it’s finding the ones that work for you. We find tea tree oil really helps to dry them up and stop them spreading. She uses the machine too, and Zovirax (but that only really works at the very start). There are loads of other treatment suggestions on the website above.

I think OP you need to try and let go of the guilt. As parents we can only do the best. We’re not perfect and neither are our children. As long as we try our best and love them that’s what’s important.

Also OP you said ‘he might spread it to his bits’ - this is from the previous website :

Can I spread a cold sore around myself?
Can I spread a cold sore to a new place on my body? No, this is very unlikely. Once the first infection is over, you will have made antibodies that will prevent you from catching the virus again on your hand, leg, etc. If this was something that happened, every child with a cold sore would have spread it to their hands, or other places on their body. And we don’t see that.

OP, I say this gently, you need to seek help for your anxiety.

I recognise that level of anxiety. I suffer on an off with acute anxiety and it’s debilitating.

youre a good and loving mother. Many children have cold sores and they’re absolutely fine.

please stop beating yourself up. And as a op mentioned, it could just be an irritated patch of skin

Yeah, this is really interesting.

I'm in my mid 30s and never ever had coldsores. Then after giving birth/being run down I developed my first one. Now never had one since. I clearly must have had the virus for ages, but most of my life never had symptoms - I was very run down after birth so I'm guessing that's why

OP just wanted to say I suffer from anxiety concerning this too and when I have an actual cold sore I get very worked up about passing it on. That said I have really worked on trying to ride the anxiety out and I do definitely kiss my children when I don't have one.

As other people have said it's a question of weighing up the potential harm you're doing in avoiding kisses and being afraid of germs versus them having cold sores. The real wake up call for me was seeing little signs of anxiety in my own children about germs and deciding enough was enough. I'm much more relaxed now than I was and even though I'm not perfect I've definitely lowered the risk of them being anxious about this stuff themselves.

Good luck and please don't be hard on yourself.