To be so distraught over child coldsore

[Mamamover]

Good morning guys,

I wondered if you guys think i’m being over the top? DH think I am.

I have had cold sores fon my face and down below for 20 years. Get an outbreak once every 12-18 months. I have serious health anxiety when it comes to my children to the point I have never kissed our 12 month old, not even on the head. My hands bleed where I clean them so much and i’m constantly anti bac wiping, for fear of passing it on.

He has been grumpy the last few days and a bit snotty. I noticed he had a red patch under his nose which started bleeding today.
I believe it’s a cold sore.

Im beside myself and have been sick from the guilt and anxiety of it. I’m the only one in our house hold who knowingly has the virus and i’m just absolutely distraught that i’ve passed this on to him. I can’t stop crying and just want to go to bed and sleep.

DH thinks i’m being dramatic but I don’t think I am. I’ve given my poor baby a lifelong virus.

AIBU?

Thank you. Guilt is a HUGE part of OCD . It’s hard to let go of.

My parents passed cold sores onto me, it is annoying but I would much prefer this irritation a few times a year than them never having kissed me!!

OP, almost 70% of people carry the coldsore virus, and many will never have a symptom. Some people may get a couple and then never again and others will get them either sporadically or frequently.

Please get help with your anxiety – it's so unnecessary and it's ruining your life.

How do you feel toward then because of it?

I know, it is really common.

Sadly i’ve tried. I’m a lost cause - no one can help me! x

Hi, you mentioned cold sores down below, do these break put the same time as the ones around your mouth?

Have you seen a GP about this?

Sorry, OP, I have enormous sympathy for you, but that’s an unacceptable attitude to have, especially when you have a spouse and child who will suffer its consequences too. Your child will be damaged by this far more than a cold sore virus. Your energy and focus is in such the entirely wrong place that you are blind to the harm you will cause him.

No not at the same time. Had both for 20 years now.

I honestly am absolutely fine with the truth so please don’t think I may get offended by it at all because I absolutely won’t ☺️

I am intrigued though (genuinely- no sarcasm at all intended!!) how and in what way you mean when you talk about how my attitude will cause harm? (Again, genuine question)

Your baby has never felt his mother's kiss? Not once in his life?

Poor kid.

You need to contact your GP for urgent support, as the harm that could be caused to him emotionally vastly outweighs something he'd just as likely pick up at nursery or school at some point in any case.

I have genuinely never been annoyed with my parents about it. Ideally I wouldn't have them, and I am careful to wash hands particularly well/not share towels or cutlery etc when I have one to try and prevent my children getting them. But if they do, it will be far from the worst thing that happens in their lives.

Please seek help. This is seriously affecting your ability to parent.

I get coldsores, I presumably got it from my mum as she gets them too, honestly can say I've never given it a second thought.

I've never had genital herpes, so it's not a given that if somebody gets coldsores on their lips they get them down below too.

I've noticed that the older I get (I'm now 29) the less I get coldsores. I'm now pregnant and will never, ever kiss my baby when I have an outbreak, but absolutely will be kissing him outside of that. Kiss your baby, its just one of those things! X

PP are saying that not kissing your baby is harmful, and I agree.
I kissed mine all the time when they were babies, including the first one, and I'd had a herpes simplex keratitis after she was born.

Please kiss your children (when you don't have cold sores)!
I have cold sores, probably inherited from my mother. I couldn't care less.

Lots of research available about the impact the parents behaviours have on children and their future development. Lack of affection ( including no kissing) can cause withdrawal type behaviours i.e. not worth responding to stimulus because I won’t get the appropriate response . Mental health issues and behaviours in parents result in the incidence of the children suffering the same grow exponentially and if you suffer health anxiety your DC are more likely to - it’s learnt behaviours.

Kindly OP you do need to seek support from your GP for more therapy / a different type to ensure that your perceived good intentions through health anxiety and OCD don’t actually result in the development of the same traits in your DC.

The virus affecting your lips and genitals are different, which is why they are breaking out at different times.

Even if your child has it and it is effecting his lips it will not now affect his genitals unless he contracts the other form of the virus when he is older.

Children of anxious parents are 2-7x more likely to develop anxiety and depression than children without an anxious parent, cor a parent whose anxiety is well controlled.

You are the figurehead in your children’s social and emotional learning, and you do not have healthy emotions or behaviours to pass to them, you have dysfunctional ones.

Don’t think I can’t relate. I suffered crippling health anxiety for 25yrs and went through extensive CBT for years to overcome it. A week long rehab and CBT hopping is not it.

Aside from sticking with CBT, there are other therapies you can try – psychotherapy, talking therapy, hypnotherapy, EMDR.

This isn’t true. HSV1 and HSV2 favour locations but they both can show up on mouth and genitals.

Thank goodness he's got it now and you can finally get on with kissing your baby.

And yes, it would be better if he didn't have it, but that dwarfs in comparison to the harm that having a mum who won't kiss him will do.

Please get help for your health anxiety.

Op my dad got the cold sore virus at 7 month old, inside her mouth and on her gums. It was painful for her but as an adult now she gets the very occasional cold sore and it has not impacted her in any way shape or form
I hope you’re ok

But not the same virus in both places on the same person.

Tbh I understand.
My grandma passed it to me as a baby. I suffer horrendously.

Yes not kissing my babies is worth the prevention of them going through what I have and still do.

I remember having cold sores covering my nose and mouth and philtrum and being bullied. Even now every time I catch a cold. A nasty embarassing cold sore happens at the end of the virus. Anytime I'm stressed, any big event in my life has been ruined by cold sores appearing.

I have one right now.

All my 4 births, have been ruined because the first 4 weeks of my babies lives I've had cold sores all over my lips and nose.

I moved to a new area, and started my new school run with a nose 10x larger because of cold sores inside and outside of the nose.

Cold sores have ruined everything.

So I don't think you're being crazy, but I have kissed my babies on the head.

I wish my grandma didn't show me "love" throwing herpes all over me.

Yes, the same virus in one person can cause the blisters in both areas.

www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2/genital-herpes

This is not strictly true as both strain can affect either part of the body. Genital sores are generally caused by sexual contact so it is very unlikely your baby will get them.
it’s unusual to spread one type
to another part of your body so you may be dealing with two different forms of the virus as suggested here