To be so distraught over child coldsore

[Mamamover]

Good morning guys,

I wondered if you guys think i’m being over the top? DH think I am.

I have had cold sores fon my face and down below for 20 years. Get an outbreak once every 12-18 months. I have serious health anxiety when it comes to my children to the point I have never kissed our 12 month old, not even on the head. My hands bleed where I clean them so much and i’m constantly anti bac wiping, for fear of passing it on.

He has been grumpy the last few days and a bit snotty. I noticed he had a red patch under his nose which started bleeding today.
I believe it’s a cold sore.

Im beside myself and have been sick from the guilt and anxiety of it. I’m the only one in our house hold who knowingly has the virus and i’m just absolutely distraught that i’ve passed this on to him. I can’t stop crying and just want to go to bed and sleep.

DH thinks i’m being dramatic but I don’t think I am. I’ve given my poor baby a lifelong virus.

AIBU?

Have you tried anti viral therapy? This sounds awful for you.
Supplementing lysine can help too anecdotally

This is what I'm trying to say. Yes each strain can affect either area, but it's extremely unlikely that if someone is infected with one strain that it will affect both areas.

Go to GP for help for yr anxiety.

There’s also evidence to suggest that if you have oral herpes, you can also get genital herpes but are much less likely to get sores and symptoms

I need the name of the zapper

I too have somehow passed on the virus to my 7 year old and feel awful about it (my mum must have passed it on to me as I've had them since a young age) . I have never kissed him during an outbreak and thought I was sooo careful but I can't beat myself up about it as it's just one of those things I couldn't have helped!! I felt awful when I saw it on his lower lip but ultimately there is no point in driving yourself into the ground of something that's inevitable. We need to love ourselves more and accept life's journey. Hugs x

I do feel for you, OP. My husband has cold sores and finds it stressful. It doesn’t stop him kissing his family, though. He just doesn’t do it if he feels one coming on or has an active cold sore. We’re careful not to share towels etc. We’ve been together many years and I have never had a cold sore. He thinks he caught them from his mum but she wasn’t very careful.
It’s great that you’re trying to protect your children but I really hope you manage to feel well enough to kiss them one day soon.

OP, "Studies suggest that 62% of Americans are infected with HSV-1 by adolescence, and up to 85% by their 60s." And they think that's probably still underestimating the figures. Exposure was inevitable at some point, and not from you! Once they start mingling at nursery, school, nightclubs most folk come across it. I have OCD and can totally relate to how you feel and if you can get treatment for it - you can overcome it! You sound lovely OP - give yourself a big hug as well as your wee one 😊

I know you’ve tried some therapy for your health anxiety, but have you tried medication and therapy together? I found SSRIs (double ‘normal
dose’ to work for OCD) and therapy together really helpful, but struggled with therapy alone. Can take a while to find the right meds and for them to start working but worth it IMO.

Oh OP, please get some help for your health anxieties!

Look at it coldly and logically. If you are terrified of passing disease to your children, then the responsible choice is not to have any, rather than have them but never kiss them and antibac your skin raw before touching them.

You chose to have DC, so now you must urgently deal with your anxiety, instead of allowing it to warp the way you care for your children and adversely shape their development.

I have the same thought patterns OP and I have GAD, OCD and late diagnosed autism. I have a huge problem with guilt, especially when it comes to my children and dogs. I feel guilty for things that are nothing to do with me, such as the weather! I remember in the past thinking that I was a lost cause; that other people had anxiety and then had a bit of CBT and got over it.

It doesn't really matter how you caught the coldsore virus. Crikey, most of us did some silly things when we were young. I have coldsores and yes, they're a nuisance but there are much better treatments now than when I was young. I assume my mum passed the virus to me but I don't know for sure...it could have been any family member. I really don't see how you could pass on the virus if you're not currently having an outbreak.

Oh just to add, I am actually a lost cause!!😫

I can almost guarantee you’ve done your baby more damage not showing them affection in the form of kissing them for a year than you have by giving them a coldsore! You really need to seek treatment for your mental health, if not for you then for your poor child

I don't think you're being dramatic but I have health anxiety too. I've never had a cold sore and imagine I'd have been like you if I did not because you should feel bad, you shouldn't, but I relate to how you feel.

This.

Yes you are being dramatic

Same thing happened with my 1 year old… turns out it was hand foot and mouth, could be that?

The virus that causes cold sores is so common in the population that even the most saintly person can pick it up so it’s nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do as a teenager.
Tour husband could have it and have no symptoms. As could anyone else who has close contact with your baby.
You do need to get help for your health anxiety OP. This is not normal levels of worry if you wash your hands so much they bleed and you don’t kiss your child at all. There are lots of very effective treatment for anxiety. OCDaction is a good charity with info and a helpline you might want to think about calling or looking at but really, please see your GP.
(GP and OCD sufferer).

@Blueberrymuffin8 the device is called herpo therm from Amazon. It's unsuitable for children.

OP - by the age of 40 over 80% of people have coldsores, and by the time you're age 70 I think it's like 95%

So basically everyone will likely catch it. Don't worry about it!

Genital herpes is obviously a bit different - I believe that's only 10% of the population - but you get that from sexual contact, so very unlikely your baby will get that just because he has a coldsore

My mum gave me cold sores.

just like she gave me brown eyes.

she couldn't help either.

I'd take him to get it tested now (a gum clinic can do if your gp can't) and then you'll know- if he had thre cold sore virus you can celebrate that you can now give him lots of kisses!

I have, I’ve tried several types of meds over the years and they either make me like a zombie or make me worse sadly!

Op you mentioned OCD this book is really good, explains a lot of the concepts of ERP which is the treatment for OCD.
this thread is likely OCD wanting you to seek reassurance which OCD feeds off.

www.ocduk.org/shop/break-free-from-ocd/

It’s tough when you’ve tried a few different things and are still struggling. As a data point, I’d say SSRIs make me feel worse for 2-3 months initially and then I start to improve at 4-6 months, but I know they don’t suit everyone. There will definitely still be something out there that can help you though so please don’t give up! Lots of great resources shared above - definitely recommend ERP with a good therapist (your classic CBT thought diaries etc can actually be counter-intuitive for people with OCD). This can also take a few goes/different therapists to actually click. Good luck.

Other than for newborns, I never realised cold sores were a 'thing' until Mumsnet.

I must carry the virus as I've had them but not for about 20 years. My mum and sister get them.

Never really considered whether my kids have the virus.

I put them in the same category as a spot. Annoying but time limited.

When did it become such a big deal? I always assumed the vast majority of people had the potential to get them.