To fucking hate this with my toddler?

[Cantdothiss]

Obviously I love ds and I have huge protective feelings towards him and do absolutely all I can to make sure he is as happy as possible.

But im fucking hating parenting at the moment. He's two and two months and I just hate it. I hate dressing him, feeding him, bathing him, driving him anywhere, walking anywhere with him. It’s just all fucking shit. I don’t even think he is that much trouble compared with a lot of toddlers, which shows how pathetic I must be to be finding it so shit.

I honestly despise it. Yes now and then he does or says something cute but it’s mostly just a fucking awful slog and I am sick of being hit or my back hurting from going in and out of fucking car seats. Sick of not being able to think straight when he’s around and sick of having to clear up mess after mess. When will this end? I am so miserable

It’s a tough age but you’re not really with him all that much if you’re working 4 days a week and he spends 1 day with his dad, just two days and probably a couple of hours after work with him? Thank yourself lucky it isn’t all day every day like many parents.

But she isn't saying that to her DC. They don't know.

And OP is only expressing her feelings on an anonymous forum so there is no indication at all that she isn't just offloading online and that her DC has any idea at all about how she is feeling.

It's very possible that people can feel something that is not detectable to anyone else, especially toddler DC who lack the theory of mind to think their care-givers have their own emotional states.

Really? I find it hard to believe that a child wouldn't pick up on someone hating spending time with them.

I don't think you're pathetic in the slightest. I would really recommend you speak to your HV or GP about how you're feeling.

I loved my son, and now I adore my two granddaughters, but an all three cases, I hated the toddler stage. My heart used to sink when my DS asked me to do childcare when they were that age. He didn';t ask me often, and only when he and DIL were stuck, so I did it, but I did not enjoy it.

I just like older kids. I think they can be a real pleasure to be with. It's how people are.

You still love him, OP. You are not a bad mother. Try going out with him where there are other mums with toddlers (who probably feel the same way, but not everyone is honest enough to admit it) when you can. FWIW, it gets so much easier as they get older. And now I have an amazing adult DS and DSD, which, looking back, makes the beating-my-head-against-the-wall toddler stage worth it.

This is why my 2.5 year old has started two mornings a week. I can't stand the climbing, the going into cupboards etc. I need a bloody break from looking after him most of the week.

In the kindest possible way it is easy to enjoy your toddler if you have four free mornings a week! Plus your toddler is very verbal whereas mine is quite speech delayed. That makes a big difference at not being screamed at.

Shops. 🫣 Park is where I recommend. At least they can run around.

Oh for god's sake. Just because she said she hates it doesn't mean she is going to smack him.

No one said she is?

Someone did say she needs help or she could be a danger to her child.

Smacking is not the only thing that harms children. They can be emotionally harmed by parents who are emotionally absent or not coping.

My mum clearly was not coping when I was a child and was emotionally unavailable, it's certainly done plenty of damage to me even if I was never beaten. I wasn't comforted when I cried, and she clearly had zero patience for me and found me annoying. She cried and had panic attacks all the time and shouted a lot of I made a mess or whatever little children do. Children can pick on the fact their parent hates spending time with them without them needing say "I hate you".

You're making our that everyone is being mean and over the top but I don't see that here. It doesn't sound nice for the children or the OP and people are concerned. Saying it's fine because I hate every minute of being with my children too is not helpful to anyone, we shouldn't be normalising misery.

I have a 2yo and you know the thing I hate about it, is just sitting around wasting precious time watching them whilst I can be doing 100 other things. Our rooms are all separated so if I need to do anything in the kitchen I can't as she just wanders off and I need to go stand and watch her. Hate hate it. Getting her involved in anything just means more of a mess that I don't already have time to clean up after. I hate this age. She's also an easier child but needs constant chatter and play, so there's just only so much one can do. As a solution, we have a PT nanny for a few hours a day so that I can catch up with cooking, tidying and giving my older child attention. I spend mornings with her but I'm literally counting down till the nanny arrives. I feel you op.

Same! I can't wait for mine to start nursery, he's into absolutely bloody everything and he needs the stimulation of being around other tots!

Op if it makes you feel any better I'm a sahm and have a nanny as I hate this age so much. I need the mental break and time to myself. Not everyone loves it and that's Ok.

If you see my additional posts, you’ll see that BOTH of my children have disabilities. I am the HAPPIEST once they’re in bed and I can sit down and take a fucking breather. Not really bothered about what you or anyone else thinks tbh. I’d love for you to live my life for 72 hours🤗

You sound very angry for someone who doesn't care what anyone thinks.

Its hard when kids have additional needs but I stand by what I said. It is sad if you hate every minute you spend with your children and are happiest when you don't have to deal with them anymore.

You can keep your life thank you I am happy with mine 😊

It’s not hard with children with additional needs. It’s practically impossible having children with physical disabilities, especially as a single parent.

Where do I sound angry? I’m not angry at all. I’m just explaining why there are parents in this world that truly HATE parenting. It’s not impossible to understand why that may be

Thank you!

Because I’ve included my experience on an anonymous PARENTING forum, that means that my child are met with hate every single day? That couldn’t be further away from the truth.

Both of mine have profound disabilities. They don’t even have the mental capacity (especially at this age) to know that their mum hates the weekly hospital appointments. That I hate fighting with the council to make sure they have a well written EHCP. That I hate the surgeries that they need. Not only that but I’m really fucking tired of doing it all on my own.

Some people have real positive experiences of parenthood but that’s not the case for everyone. I’m more a carer then a mum so I can see why people can’t relate to my experience. Make no mistake though, my children are loved and happy. They don’t realise how exhausting their needs are and they don’t need too because they’re children. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep my true feelings to myself on a parenting forum!

This is why I stick to the SN board

@Cantdothiss sorry to jump on a zombie thread but I'm feeling the exact same way now. How did you get through it? Do you have any coping tools at all that helped? I hate my life and dread each day and just want to run away from it all. I'm already on anti-depressants and have had therapy, just don't know what else to do. It never gets better, it's so difficult and I regret everything so much right now.

It sounds like you need a break. I was feeling this way a few months ago. I booked 2 weeks off work and kept DS in nursery. I spent time doing things I enjoyed as well as some time getting on top of the house. Everything felt more manageable and enjoyable once I got to week 2 of leave and after returning to work.

For me it only got better with my first when they went to school. So far it feels the same with my second but unfortunately he doesn't start until next year.