To fucking hate this with my toddler?

[Cantdothiss]

Obviously I love ds and I have huge protective feelings towards him and do absolutely all I can to make sure he is as happy as possible.

But im fucking hating parenting at the moment. He's two and two months and I just hate it. I hate dressing him, feeding him, bathing him, driving him anywhere, walking anywhere with him. It’s just all fucking shit. I don’t even think he is that much trouble compared with a lot of toddlers, which shows how pathetic I must be to be finding it so shit.

I honestly despise it. Yes now and then he does or says something cute but it’s mostly just a fucking awful slog and I am sick of being hit or my back hurting from going in and out of fucking car seats. Sick of not being able to think straight when he’s around and sick of having to clear up mess after mess. When will this end? I am so miserable

She’s venting! Who better to vent to than strangers on the internet. It’s what we’re here for

You sound depressed. Is it worth a chat with your GP? Toddlers can be hard work but not maybe to this extent of how you're finding it hard to find any happiness in the day. There are usually moments of joy there too alongside the hard work.

how pathetic I must be to be finding it so shit.

@Cantdothiss please don't believe this. Most people have a period they really struggle with or many periods and it's ok. Parenthood is about 90% drudgery. Don't believe for one second everyone enjoys it, most are just trying to get through the day.

I don’t know if it’s that all children have their age when they are really hard to look after, or all parents have an age that is just hard for us.

For me it was age 1. Exhausting age!

I find them easier as it goes on. My teenager is really easy, although you have to watch it when they’re being easy in case they’re not telling you something!

Exactly. Surely everyone feels like this at times!

I wasn’t a fan of the toddler stage at all. But it gets easier. I used to go out of the house, the earlier the better. I found my two were much better after a lot of exercise.

Same boat!! Yes it's hard. He's dangerous. Loves running away and is faster than me. Almost got run over etc. Undoes the car seat, buggy. He will be 3 soon so hoping things will start to get better then.

The worrying thing is she is saying she feels this way all the time.

Absolutely hating parenting during difficult toddler years is completely normal, please don't insinuate the OP has a serious issue that might turn violent!

OP just in case this is putting you off having a second (if you are even considering), I felt the same as you describe with my son - it was hideous from 2ish to 4ish - but ever since then it has got more and more fun, and then my second who's now 2 and a half is actually absolutely fine. She obviously still does annoying toddler things and has tantrums but her behaviour generally is great and she's so much fun to be around. And I think having the big sibling modelling the behaviour and not having the intense one-on-one dynamic that I had with her brother has really helped her be much more charming company. And it's the most beautiful thing in the world seeing them play with and adore each other!

I think sometimes if you are internalising all your rage because you can't exactly tell a child to shut up and get over it, it maybe then builds up a lot? I think it's worth seeing if there's any help for pnd or just general mental health issues, or even just a bit of talking therapy to try to reframe things a bit.

You're not unreasonable, toddlers can be evil and dull. But I think it's SO much worse when you're feeling annoyed so you might be in a bad cycle on that front?

I'm always happier when I let go of any semblance of control lol. I helped my toddler to stamp on pancake mix that had fallen on the floor today haha, I was on the verge of feeling so overwhelmed then I thought oh well he's in mucky clothes the kitchen is a bomb site already, shut all the doors and have a big giggle. Sometimes it feels like oh jesus we can't make more mess but actually it took no longer to clean up than a normal messy meal (he's 1), and we got a good lot of entertainment out of it which meant less time spent in the living room with him annoyed because he wants to go out (it was tipping it down).

It's really hard work though so don't think I'm saying just be more fun! Also everyone's set up and child are so different. But if you do something a bit unexpected it can snap both of you out of it sometimes.

I have a 2 3/4 yo and a 15 month old. I’ve just gone back to work 3 days. It’s shit on those days. They are tired and grumpy and miss us so they take it out on those they feel safe with, us.

I always take them out on the mornings of my days with them. Staying in is hellishly difficult. I spend most of my time pleading for them to stop climbing the cat tree, the book case or similar. They just have so much energy! We have multiple annual memberships to various zoos, animal parks and bird centres etc and we spend an hour or so at one of those, off for lunch somewhere (even if a picnic) and then nap on the way home. Home for a snack and then off to the park or another activity (sometimes painting or crafts at home if weather is bad) for a bit. Home and tv for an hour before we go and get dinner ready together. Routine is key for my boys and they know what to expected. Otherwise, omg, it’s hard.

Absolutely hating parenting during difficult toddler years is completely normal,

No it really isn’t. Having the odd bad day where you feel a bit angry and exhausted and fed up is normal. But absolutely hating parenting for years is not normal. Especially since OP has 4 days a week at work- so she is getting plenty of child free time.

I have a DS who is the same age and since going back to work after maternity leave, I’ve felt the same. Really struggle with him and feel like I’ve lost my groove with parenting.

I genuinely think it’s being tired from working full time and trying to do general life all together.

I don't know what it is about that exact age but my daughter was the hardest she'd ever been at that age and she barely slept for 3 years 😂. I was utterly miserable and newly pregnant thinking why on earth am I putting myself through this again because I cannot fucking stand this life. About 6 weeks later she was amazing again. Still has the odd bad week but don't we all!

Have you outside space ?

Playdough, painting, can be done outside, sand pit ? Tricycle, Empty cardboard box to make into car /den .,coloured chalk for drawing on paving.
I just left mine to it and kept an eye out,
If weather bad ,videos,etc.

This with bells on! At 2.5 she discovered she could refuse to do what we asked and now everything is a negotiation!

I think if you choose your language more carefully you can get your point across without alienating people.

I hated age two. Really didn’t enjoy it much at all.

Three brings attitude and arguments and you do still have tantrums but it’s so much better; you can sort of reason with them and I can go to soft play and sit down and have a drink …

It is normal enough.

I don’t massively enjoy parenting but I love my children and I try very hard to be a good parent. But I find it lonely and tiring. That’s OK. We won’t be here forever.

I cannot agree with you on this. I think OP needs to talk with someone IRL about her feelings of hate and anger towards her 2yr old. This is more than not massively enjoying, being tired and lonely.

I wonder if weather hasn't helped too - I've definitely felt this year I've been waiting for summer to just put her out in the garden to play and summer has never arrived- I can count on two hands the number of dry days we have had!
I have hated swimming etc and it's such a faff to get out the house with all the stuff and then get us both dry and dressed.
I have to get out the house or go stir crazy.

At his age we did
-forest school stay and play
-ice cream farm
-soft play
-toddler time at cinema
-put a tarpaulin down in the dining room and started baking-
-bought a tuff tray to save my sanity with playdoh
-toddler football and archery
-playgroup (always shop around them)
-big central museum and library
-art gallery with toddler sessions
-park next to heritage steam train to watch trains
-farm
-pets at home
-ikea

I began to get a lot more relaxed about sugar and screens. I didn't see the issue of her sharing a cake with me whilst I had a coffee and she had a milk as long as she was sat colouring and having a little chat
I saw no problem in sticking a Disney film on after we had been out all morning and just setting some Duplo up, I'd make us drinks and snacks.

I have a 2 & 3 year old and I HATE every single day of parenting them. Genuinely, hate it so much that my favourite part of the day is when they’re in bed. It’s actually extremely common to dislike parenting or a specific stage of parenting. Nothing that OP’s posted has made me think that her or her child is in danger. She doesn’t like parenting and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you hate your kid

Yes, this. It really isn't normal. It sounds really tough and the OP has my every sympathy but let's not pretend it's completely normal as this might stop her seeking help if we make out it is normal. The vast majority of people do get enjoyment from their young children. Not constantly of course.

Tbh I felt like this & it seems many of us do. But I probably did need some support. There’s a bad tendency in our society for mums to be left in this state, isolated & struggling & we all laugh it off coz “that’s just motherhood”.
But really if there is an opportunity to get some support/ speak to someone, it wouldn’t do any harm.

Both your toddler and yourself deserve better than you being "bloody angry inside" in his presence. He is a little human being without capacity to comprehend the consequences of his behaviour beyond very basic understanding. However he accutely feels your displeasure. You and your child will be bound by a bond for decades to come. This is the time to lay down good foundations for your relationship. Problems don't misteriously disappear with toddlers, young children, teenagers and grown up children. Different ages, different problems. You deserve compassion too. You are raising your son as a working single mum. This is so hard. However, something is gnawing you inside. It's not your child. You need to find out what it is. I urge you to look into counselling to find the roots of your anger. Your and your child deserve better.