To not want DH to post my messages to him online

[Sweetlikechoco89]

DH has joined a forum for one of his interests. We had a heated argument, i stormed out and we ended up having a text war. I found out he was putting my messages word for word in this forum.

I am annoyed because that to me was crossing a boundary but he was says he was just gathering opinions. That message was for him not an online community, I dont care if its anonymous, its a line crossed, AIBU?

I mean you're posting about it on an anonymous forum. Lots of people do what he has done on here and no one says anything about it being wrong.

This exactly !

Pot, kettle, black....

I hate to break it to you...

Absolutely

Do you not see the irony of what you’ve just done here 😂

I think the issue is that he posted the actual messages, which the OP has not done?

So he posted on maybe Reddit?and you posted on Mumsnet 🤣

If it’s anonymous I wouldn’t think much of it. Your arguments won’t be important enough for people to remember beyond tomorrow anyway.

If it’s a forum for a hobby or something where they plan to meet up/go to events etc., and he therefore is not anonymous, that would upset me.

This. I think there is a world of difference between wanting to vent about your partner and posting word for word an argument you have been having.

The OP hasn't posted her husband's messages on here, though!

DH should post here, and probably have his arse handed to him.

Um 🤔🤔So not ok for him to do that, but OK for you to post on here about it? I don't understand why it's ok for you and not for him? No, you haven't posted the argument word for word, but still making it public?

If it was anonymous then I really don't see much difference between the two. Presumably you were swearing/rude/whatever but if it was anonymous, then one of you is as bad as the other imo

He posted her messages word for word, the op has posted in very vague and general terms.

Depending on the forum and where it is passed,both he and she could possibly be clearly identifiable by the text messages.

I enjoyed that one!

I agree. There have been instances on here where someone has shared details either though screenshots or by giving exact details. It can be very outing* and cause real life issues. Nothing the op here has said is very personal unlike text messages.

I have recognised someone myself who’s given exact details of their situation and they got very personal about someone else I’m aquatinted with. I didn’t say anything but I do now keep my own details vague or slightly changed.

Edit for bold fail!

O think we need to see the message to decide 🤭

Yanbu op.

You posting here is very different to him posting word for word messages. I'm really surprised pp's can't see that.

There’s a big difference between saying we had a row and posting word for word what messages say. Bang out of order

Yeah it's very different posting what OP has posted compared with word for word texts between the two of them. I'd be unhappy too OP.

Cant see his messages on here word for word can you, big difference.

I would not like specific messages going on a forum as I think I would feel like DP was trying to ask strangers to criticise and nit pick at me.

Before this thread I would have said a generally worded opening post about an argument would have been ok and now I'm not so sure!

I guess it's ultimately not that satisfying for either person to conduct an argument with a load of strangers in the middle of it all.

I wont stoop to his level, I personally think its a cross boundary and Im upset about it. He is using the anonymous element to invalidate how I feel about it. I asked in here whether I was being unreasonable.

Some posters must be really thick to think she's doing the same thing.

I'd feel the same way, OP. It's very exposing I imagine. I'd be upset too.