How much money do you give for a wedding gift?

[geordiegreek]

Hi I'm going to a wedding next month, it's a friend of mine, not best friend but a good friend I would say. She's been living with her husband to be for a number of years, already has kids, so I was just going to put some money in the card but I really have no idea how much to put 🙈 Aibu to ask what's the 'done thing'?

It's quite a fancy wedding at a posh kind of hall & im going with my 3 children if that makes any difference.

I do work although don't have loads of money to spare! But don't want to be seen as a cheapskate or anything. Just wondered what others do.

Any advice appreciated. Thank you :)

If you cannot afford £100 - give what you can. Personally, would buy crystal glasses, nice photo frame or ornament in the traditional way. I don’t think any friend would judge you on your gift. They want you there to enjoy the day

I’d nearly always do £100 per adult, I’d probably do an extra £50 if children are invited, so in this case £250

Though for some friends I’ve just mirrored what they gave when I got married, so more or less depending

Thanks everyone I really appreciate all the input. I will have a think! I feel like £100 is probably appropriate but it would bit of a stretch for me at the moment! I'm thinking either £50 or £75 will be manageable & I just hope that will be ok 😬 She's a nice friend, and I think she will just be happy I have made the effort to attend. It's midweek so I am having to take time off for it too I forgot to factor that into things. The PP who mentioned about kids meals, it is chicken nuggets/pizza type things for the kids. My meal is a bit fancier but not something I would ordinarily choose. Aargh I'm making it about the food again 🙈 Anyway, I can see there's huge variation in what people would give. I think in my area it would be really unusual to give multiple hundreds of pounds I know most of the guests & couldn't see any of them doing that other than perhaps family. My mortgage is only £400 per month! 😂

£30 if I’m invited solo and £50 if it’s me and my boyfriend going.

I would give £150 .

I got married a couple of months ago, and got mainly cash gifts, varied between £0-£200. Couldn't care less about the amount to be honest!

If you're struggling, I'd get them a bottle of something they'd enjoy? A nice bottle of fizz or similar.

I find this ‘cover your plate’ mentality infuriating. Being invited to a wedding OBLIGATES you to go, and inevitably involves the expense of travel, accommodation and new outfits. I don’t particularly enjoy weddings or any enforced social activities so I find them a chore. If people want to spend a fortune on their wedding day, that is up to them, no one is asking them to. They are choosing to host 60/100/200 guests and the expense is their choice. Guests should not be expected to cover the costs of being invited to something they might not even want to go to! The entitlement of ‘cover your plate’ pisses me off - if you’re getting married, cut your cloth according to your means and only have the wedding you can afford, without expecting guests to chip in to cover your costs.

This! It is infuriating.

£50 is more than enough OP, you do not need to cover the meal cost for your family, you are guests not the hosts.

Give what you want and can afford. Never heard of this 'cover your plate' phrase - how odd. Personally I'd rather buy a gift of my choosing - I know, very old fashioned.

Most couples at my wedding gave £50 (a few a bit more like £75) some travelled but a lot stayed at home. Whilst not super wealthy all my friends are very comfortable. We’ll usually give about £75 as a couple ( can easily afford to) so I think £50 max. is definitely fine - I wouldn’t expect it at all and particularly knowing individual’s circumstances.

@geordiegreek don't leave yourself struggling for a friend's wedding - a real friend will be happy to just have you there and know you're thinking of her. Give according to your circumstances.

You'll get a range of responses on here but most will be based on different posters' life circumstances and social norms, which may be different from yours.

Honestly, when it was my wedding I'd have preferred to have got nothing than to think any guest had struggled to give a gift. A friend would never expect anything imo

You are giving them a gift, not paying for your attendance. Would a friend want you to go into debt / your kids go without because MM tells you to cover your costs? Fifty is fine. She's aware you're a single Mom who isn't working and has three kids. £100 will likely make her feel uncomfortable

She may have been the one who said it, but she’s not the only one who thinks it!

So in your opinion someone having a posh wedding deserves a bigger present than someone with a low key wedding?

What a nasty transactional way of looking at a wedding celebration.

It’s not about reimbursement for the catering, it’s a gift freely given.

So, working class young couple with a baby get married low key with a registry office do and a buffet their Mom's made in the local pub, you'd gift a fiver per person cos the food wasn't fancy enough for a large present? But a rich couple, owning their own home, great jobs who can afford a blow out wedding deserve huge financial gifts?

Not at all, that's not my opinion in the slightest. I couldn't give a flying fuck how much someone has paid for my meal, the gift would be the same regardless.

However, someone calling it crass is just ridiculous. That was my point.