How much money do you give for a wedding gift?

[geordiegreek]

Hi I'm going to a wedding next month, it's a friend of mine, not best friend but a good friend I would say. She's been living with her husband to be for a number of years, already has kids, so I was just going to put some money in the card but I really have no idea how much to put 🙈 Aibu to ask what's the 'done thing'?

It's quite a fancy wedding at a posh kind of hall & im going with my 3 children if that makes any difference.

I do work although don't have loads of money to spare! But don't want to be seen as a cheapskate or anything. Just wondered what others do.

Any advice appreciated. Thank you :)

As a pp said, it doesn't matter what they paid for the meals, it was their choice and you don't need to cover the cost. As I said before, £50 between all of you, or even a bottle of champagne, is absolutely fine. There is no minimum gift value, they've invited you because they want you there.
I honestly would be embarrassed to receive £100s from one family if I got married, and would worry they felt obliged to cover my venue and meal choices.

But it's not crass is it. That comment was crass.

Honestly OP, ignore some of the insane big numbers! If your disposable income (as mine once was after bills etc) is c. £250 a month, I am absolutely not going to give that to a friend for a couple of months and go to food banks just so I can attend their wedding!

Trust me, give what you can give, they will appreciate it x

Yes, the comment about the gift being equivalent to the cost of the meal, I find it crass.

100 per cent this!

This.

Amazing, no one else does so at least others see sense.

Many on here do.

I think that the wedding list was good in that respect - the couple would suggest items to fit every budget.
You could then buy something they wanted, but what you could afford. That was always the practice. Giving cash is more of a modern thing and obviously leads to awkwardness for some.

£20-50 or whatever you can afford.

I invited the people who I wanted to be there for my wedding and I expected nothing back in return. My choice of venue, not theirs, and no need for them to 'cover their plates' or expensive gifts or give anything at all.

Yes I had a gift list, but only given to those who asked, wasn't included in invitation. Things ranged from £5 upwards.

I expect to be along the few eating it but then I'm fairly low key anyway.

Depends on whether I go alone or with spouse, how hard it is to reach the venue (ie is it local? In Mauritius?!), what I can afford, and closeness of relationship.

Probably averages between £30-£100 depending on the above.

Only two people at my wedding gave me over £100 and one was my Mum. I was amazed at the other person's generosity. Most gave around £50 per couple. This was five years ago.

No you're literally the only one who called it crass.

Yes. My opinion. It's crass to "pay for your plate". You disagree. Fine. Your opinion, I don't think that's a problem.

£200 from the two of us.

I would give 150 (in uk) as I give 200 euro here

I'm just not quite sure you understand what crass means. But anyways.

Yes “cover your plate” is the decent thing to do

If you'd given me £400 I'd have been embarrassed! You'd have given over £200 more than the next most generous guest which was my Mum! Amounts that size are insane to me. You definitely don't need to cover your plate. I don't factor that in to my decisions at all. Why should someone rich enough to have a flash wedding deserve more presents?

I'm not sure you understand my point, but anyways. Agree to disagree 🍸

I genuinely don’t understand when this became a thing?! I can assure you this isn’t wedding etiquette- certainly not in the UK.
Astounded by the some of the suggested £££ amounts here. & the ideas that a bride & groom would expect it - wow!
All I’d expect would be a beautiful day with people I love - a day that I’d expect to pay for 😆

£50 a couple was typical at our wedding, £100 only from close family. Some people gave us £25, some nothing, some donated to charity (all fine as we didn’t ask for any gifts)

’Cover your plate’ is not UK etiquette, you’re a guest and choose what you can afford to give.

What you’d pay to eat at a nice restaurant is also no comparison. On the rare occasions DH and I eat out, we choose the restaurant, we choose the food, we choose the company. A wedding meal is normally pleasant enough but a set meal you have no choice over. Plus you’re often paying for hotel rooms, travel, new outfits, sometimes childcare and time off work (last 2 weddings we’ve been to have both been mid week and required 2 days off work).

So ignore some of the crazy amounts suggested on here, especially from those not in the UK, and give what you can afford, I’d say £50 was absolutely fine

It's so rude to say how much you spend per person for a wedding! It's like telling guests "see how much we spend, you better give me alot". Never heard anyone do this! If 100 is a stretch for you I would give 50 with a card. Some people at our wedding gave nothing, some a house gift, others from 20-500. We did not care and thanked everyone for coming!

I'm in the north east too. If you can't afford £100 then give less, I don't think they would think bad of you. Getting outfits for your kids will be expensive too. I'm sure they will just want you to attend and help celebrate

You have rich friends. That doesn't make them great.

Just be glad you don't live in Ireland... €300-€400 was the general expectation per couple at weddings I attended... and that was 15-20 yrs ago, god knows what it is now.

In your position I think £50-£100 is more than adequate.