To be annoyed he's taking 7-8 hours to reply now?

[Celia24]

Been together for a year. At the start he was working so much I barely heard from when we weren't on dates but this improved as the relationship got more serious. The whole summer was fine too.

Suddenly in the last month that communication pattern has gone back to how it was at the start. He mentioned he's bogged down with work - he's not AT work but he's prepping for teaching lessons.

When I say he doesn't reply I mean he's often actually switching off his phone so my message isn't even delivered on Whatsapp because he isn't opening it all day.

So today I messaged at 9.30 and I still haven't heard from him. Am I expecting too much?

Is he single?

@DryBiscuit no?

It's obviously not just me he's ignoring clearly as he's switching Whatsapp off altogether. I just feel a bit disconnected.

Really doesn't sound like you're in a relationship. How much do you actually see each other?

On a Sunday.. he's off doing something like golf or some shit.

That's fine and dandy, people have hobbies..

But, consider this:

You're not important enough for him to spend 30 seconds to text you.

How's that make you feel?

@Comedycook we live 2.5 hours apart currently so it's every two weekends at the moment or longer if staying at the others place

Last month we were together for 2 weeks while both working from home

We are also going on holiday for a week next month and another long weekend at the end of the month.

I take from what you say he’s a he’s a teacher? So yes he’ll be busy in September but shouldn’t be so busy he turns his phone off all weekend!! Is he blocking you then unblocking you?

Don't date a teacher. Just don't. I've been one and I've dated one. It's a weird job that sucks all of your time. You'll rarely go away for a weekend of if you do they'll take work with them or have to catch up during the week. The only people who can really have successful relationships with teachers are other teachers in my experience or those that fully throw themselves into their own careers.

Plenty of people I know turn their phones on Do Not Disturb during the working week when focussing to get work done, for teachers that is often on a Sunday.

@Baddaybigcloud I really don't think he's blocking me. He told me early on he paused the app.

Yes he's a teacher. Constantly busy but now he's insanely busy.

But how long does it take to send a simple message or for a ten min call?

Have you spoken to him about this? How uneasy this make you feel?

No @Mls1984btc I think because I don't want him to think I'm suspicious or something. But it is bothering me.

I did notice when I mirrored him Thursday/Friday by also taking a while to reply it seems to inspire him to suddenly message more!

Does he get less busy when it's getting near tine for you to visit or whilst you're visiting?

Have you met his family and friends?

YAB a bit U if it's a working day, it's not the time it takes it's the disruption to being in work mode. I'm the same (not a teacher) - if I'm working, I'm working, I don't like to switch between focusing on a piece of work and chatting to a loved one, I'd rather knuckle down.

But obviously at the weekend it's a bit different, and suggests work is his number one priority - you need to ask if this is temporary because it's the start of the year or whether this is it for the academic year now because of it's the latter I'd not want to be with him.

@NunyaBeeswax a bit. We have meals together, cook together, on a Sunday probably go to the pub together. Go for days out

To be fair when I'm with him he's never on his phone either.

Next weekend we're together again which is the main thing. But the suddenly contact change is a bit jarring.

@Celia24 I do think you need to have a sit down conversation with him to let him understand how his actions make you feel, instead of letting it blew out of proportion.

He is not a mind-reader. If his communication style does not sync with him, you need to give him a chance to fix this. And if this continues and you're unwilling to further accept, then is time to review the relationship. Give him a chance!

He’s a teacher. September will be like this until he retires. Expect him to become more like a normal human again in January.

Neither of you are being unreasonable.

It’s fair enough to not turn your phone on if you’re working for the weekend. Better he does that and sorts everything during weekends you’re apart than spoil the weekends you are together with prep work.

It’s also fair enough to want more frequent contact from a partner. Perhaps his work life balance isn’t enough for you - a common problem with some professions!

I put my phone on do not disturb when I'm busy
I don't think it means anything other than you're really busy and don't want to be disturbed.

@AmeliaEarache you might be right.

He might be trying to get through things this weekend because we are together next weekend.

I think I need to speak to him because no matter the reason it does make me feel disconnected. A phone call at the end day of the day sometimes would help a lot.

oh you've posted about him before i.e. the Quaker House thread, but you were living together then.

so did one of you move out / return to original home as a result of this ?

@Celia24 when I was self employed, if I wanted to spend a weekend with my partner I had to knock myself out the previous weekend to clear my workload - or work an extra 2-3 hours at night.

So I can definitely see it as a trade off between time together and time with his phone off as he knuckles down.

Didn't you post about him a while ago? The long distance thing and the not seeing each other very much rings a bell.

He doesn't sound very keen - what's the point?

No @OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon it's irrelevant

We live at each others for periods for stretches of time, not all the time as we have our own places.

@sunsetsandboardwalks yeah I did post before. Since then we've made more plans together so that part has improved

But since teaching has started up again I'm a bit of an afterthought day to day. I love being with him but his job is intense.

When I first read the post title I thought it would be about someone who’s been on a few dates with a guy, not a year long relationship. It’s a difficult one. Some men are a bit useless with texting, and if you are fine when you’re together that’s a plus. I wouldn’t necessarily think something was wrong, but I wouldn’t love this lack of communication.

Sounds like he's busy