Another inheritance one

[Thomasina79]

Our will divides our estate into three equally between three siblings. However one child cut us off, not seen for 12 years, never seen grandchildren, second child has only limited contact and treats us pretty rudely .Third child we are on good terms with and see a lot. Should will be changed so third child gets everything? Please be kind as a lot of hurt has come out of this situation. If you cannot say anything nice then say nothing. Opinions only

Your estate, your choice.

Well you’ve got a good reason to do that, and most children of estranged parents don’t tend to expect inheritance. So why not

Your life, your death, your choice! Will it impact the child as in do they have relationships with siblings? That's the only thing thatd make me rethink. Also depending where you live e.g Scotland you cannot disinherit your child.

Inheritance isn't a right and its not a given. Give it wherw you choose.

I think you are entitled to divvy up your assets as you see fit! There is no right or wrong. Could giving the bulk to one child piss off the others and cause issues for them as siblings, of course. On the other hand, do you care!

People are greedy, territorial, selfish and mean, when it comes to death and inheritance. Leave it to who you feel deserves it. Or even better, spend what you can, while you can.

You will cause even more resentment between the siblings if you cut out 2 of them. It could also cause one or both of them to challenge the will. I would leave it split between your children or possibly for the one who is no contact leave their third to their child(ren) instead.

Difficult one. There will be a whole back story here which I am guessing is painful to relate? I would think very carefully before you did anything. Is there no hope that these relationships can be recovered? Generally though if someone has gone zero contact with you I think there has to be an expectation that they cannot expect anything in a will. Big step to take though, so think carefully and think if there is anyway of mending fences. The other option would be to skip the parents and leave money in trust for the GC.

In England and Wales you can will to whoever you like and it’s very difficult to challenge, unless those doing so were dependent on you. But you risk damaging your children’s relationships with each other, especially if the two you don’t have contact with perceive the other one to be the favourite already. I think rather than focus on inheritance, I’d focus on why two of your three children dislike you to the extent they do, and whether those relationships are repairable.

Tbh I’d enjoy your life and spend the lot now, you don’t have to leave anything to anyone.

Enjoy as much of your money now, then personally I’d leave the lot to the one child who you see regularly. Do you know why the other two are behaving this way?

It's up to you. You'll be dead, so won't get to bask in any upset you cause though.

Are the three children on good terms with each other?

If so, you risk damaging that by doing anything other than equal.

You can do what you want. Just leave a letter with the will explaining your reasons if someone is omitted. I doubt that the child who hasn't contacted you for 12 years is expecting anything. You could leave a token to the grandchildren should you feel so inclined.

Do the siblings have a good relationship with each other?

I’d probably leave most to the third child but consider making small provisions for other grandchildren.

I like pp idea about leaving some to the grandchildren, that seems like a good compromise. Might be worth putting it in trust until they are 25 or something so they are well into adulthood but that's just my take.

Only you know (and you may be wrong) if the no contact is deserved but I think I agree with the above that estranged relatives shouldn't expect inheritance. If they think you are awful they would expect that, it would confirm their reasoning for not seeing you.

Is the third sibling still in touch with their siblings?

This would sway me, because it will drive a wedge if you leave it all to them.

It's all a bit dependent on the whys of the estrangement as well IMO but at the end of the day it's your cash to.do.with what you want.

The OP hasn't mentioned any 'resentment' between siblings so to declare that this "would cause more resentment" is completely ridiculous.

I haven't seen my parents for years as they were abusive alcoholics. They are on good terms with two of my siblings, who are both addicts themselves.

I am sure they won't leave me anything in their will and I've made my peace with that.

It's up to you OP, decide on what you are most comfortable with.

I think this kind of scenario is not that uncommon - in fact it's sort of similar to my mother's situation, in that my brother has been NC for quite a few years (after a fall out with his horrible wife).

My sister has started to be distant with my mum after dad died and just seems to ring her to abuse her down the phone.

I'm still very much in contact, and help out mum a lot. I expect to have to help out more as she gets older and more frail.

However, it has been made very clear that the main asset (a house worth several hundred thousand) will be shared equally between the three of us. That's what mum wants to do, we are all her children. Her will, her choice.

I think my sister is going to throw a shit-fit though, as she doesn't think my brother deserves anything. Tough shit.

Even in Scotland, your children are only legally entitled to 1/3 of your moveable estate between them. So in the OPs case, if she were in Scotland, the starting point would be that each of her 3 children qualifies for 1/9th of the moveable (cash or near to) assets.
you can still leave a property , such as family home, to your preferred child.

In your case Op, wherever you are, enjoy your life with the dc you still see. If you can afford to, perhaps treat them now. Spend as you see fit so there is little left for them to squabble over.

It's your money and your choice.

Two things I would bear in mind... Firstly if one child receives a disproportionate share, you run a high risk of creating life-long ill feeling between siblings. Is that really what you want?

And secondly, I love my children equally and unconditionally, regardless of if they are talking to me or not. I want my money, such as there is left, to help them have comfortable and enjoyable lives. It isn't a good star for being polite or ringing every Sunday, they are family.

I'd personally leave it to the one you have a relationship with. I'm one of three, one of my siblings doesn't speak to me or my other sibling and is low contact with my parents. There would be more resentment if the NC/LC sibling was left anything. They've treated us all badly so the thought of them getting anything from my parents, when they've treated them so poorly, is falling. I'd prefer everything go to charity than them profiting from my parents.

If you’re in England legally you can leave your estate to whomever you like. You are under no obligation to treat your children equally (nb not the case in other jurisdictions!).

Your children cut out of the will could challenge it however (there are a few niche causes of action they could try and they could lie and say they’d been offering you support before your death etc)

I would suggest leaving them a token amount - say £500 - and note in the will that they are receiving significantly less than child 3 due to being estranged. this would make it harder for them to lie and take up a cause of action (as any solicitor reading that should steer clear!) . An experienced family / wills and estates lawyer will have some suitable wording they could put in the will.

it will likely fracture the relationship between the siblings so I would ask child 3 what they think. They may prefer an even split if they want to preserve their sibling relationship.

I’d also be tempted to only some leave to Child 1’s children.
Child 2 I’m unsure about.
Child 3 obviously should be prioritised - it doesn’t sound like any of the others will help you when you need it in your old age.

This is perfect.

OP it's entirely up to you what you do with your estate, please don't feel obligated to stick to 'rules' that don't reflect your lived reality.

The mindset that you must tolerate whatever rubbish your children throw at you and still keep smiling and saying how lovely they are is bollocks.😂 But yes, do set out in writing that you have made this choice for good reasons so that no one is any doubt or dispute.

You can leave your estate to whoever you like.
For various reasons due to their behaviour I have not left anything to one of my children in my will, but have created a trust so that their child will inherit some of what would have been their share. Everything else goes to the other child. The solicitor advised me to write a letter to accompany the will to explain why.
I also decided to tell my children what I had done so they knew before my death.
Of course the disinherited one went ballistic, but knew they could do nothing, and also accepted that if they hadn't behaved as they had done I wouldn't have changed the will. I was glad I'd explained in advance so that there would be no surprise after my death.