To feel annoyed when people bring their children to adult-only events?

[ThatTwinklyFinch]

I’ve attended several adult-only events where some guests have brought their children along, despite clear instructions that the event was for adults only. I find it disruptive and inconsiderate to those who expected a child-free environment. AIBU to feel frustrated and expect people to adhere to event guidelines?

All of my friends have husbands who they could leave their child with, when they come to the Easter party :)

Then why not cultivate sitters before the need arises? Can't you find a teen or uni student or someone who could visit a few times for dinner/play to meet and get to know your kids? Then you when you say "Kids, dad and I are going out to Aunt Mary's party; Evvie is coming to spend the evening with you!" it will be a win-win.

Why would something that was Ok for 100 years suddenly be not OK? We were sat by young women we hadn't met previously while our parents went to dinner, etc., and we weren't traumatized. Hell as a 14-year-old I watched toddlers and newborns I hadn't met while the parents went out to dinner. And they weren't neglectful; they were very serious, straitlaced, religious people. In the pre-cell phone days.

Sometimes I think parents are creating problems where none exist.

YANBU this is why I barely have a social life, I wouldn't dream of taking my DC to a no kids event, they are full on at the best of times but even the best behaved child changes the mood. Either get a sitter or don't go if its expressed as an adult only event

If a friend asked me for lunch on a Tuesday, I would say I have the kids with me but I'm happy to reschedule.

If a friend invites me out on a Friday night for dinner and drinks, I wouldn't take the kids.

One of the partners from work brought his extremely pandered-to 8 year old to our Xmas meal last year (single parent but lives literally next door to his parents and siblings). I learnt that I find it a lot harder to maintain a rictus grin in my own time and under the influence than I do on the days he brings her into work and sets her free to entertain herself by interrupting me every 10 minutes.

I have children myself and wouldn't go if I couldn't leave them with someone. I don't want to have to censor myself or explain what people were talking about every 2 minutes.

One of my friends brought her 10 year old to a hen do because “DD wants to feel grown up like mummy”.

Mum couldn’t see what she’d done wrong. The bride-to-be was fuming.

I think babysitters now cost much more than in the 90s but I still think people should ask before assuming that their children are invited to adult events.

Us without kids are always told to avoid family-friendly spaces but then so many parents don’t seem to think anywhere should be adult-only.

That doesn't stop friends occasionally choosing to see them with their children. If they're proper friends

Or that the theatre let them in

Who should have said something and asked her to leave!

So if you have friends with children who can't get babysitters that's the end of the friendship?

You wouldn't meet them during the day somewhere child friendly or go to their homes?

BUT I hope childless friends also make efforts to meet those friends with their kids that don’t have a big support network. Parenting can be very lonely.

I used to do this. I’d go all out, I’d be the one compromising every single time.

And then I had a cancer scare in my early 30s and a full hysterectomy. I had to cope overnight with becoming irreversibly infertile. I asked some of these friends to show me a bit of grace when visiting me in the aftermath, as I was physically weak and mentally processing all things child-related. Not one of those friends visited me. They all had husbands and support networks, bar one who told me to my face she wouldn’t come see me unless her 4 kids could come too. The rest all just said no childcare, but if I could go to the park/playground/soft play they’d meet me there.

So now I don’t have friends with kids, because IME too many think that only they need consideration, and they treat childless friends like shit.

I'm a foster carer.

We have occasional support group meetings where carers can get together and talk about their struggles/difficulties in confidence.

However, I went to one of these meetings a couple of months ago and someone brought one of their school age foster kids with them. It meant that nobody could talk about anything in front of the child.

I appreciate that the nature of the job means you sometimes have youngsters with you during the daytime. However, if I was in that position I'd stay away from that particular meeting.

Sometimes people don't want to interact with other people's kids

Sometimes they don't want to hang around whilst kids/dogs are dealt with

And it is ALWAYS polite to check

It's up to the salon

If they know the client/ know the kids will behave/have the room/want the business then it's fine.
If not, they say No

I went to a Qualitative Research conference once and some right-on parent had brought their 7 year old child which IMHO is a form of abuse said lightheartedly . The poor child looked so bored (I knew the feeling 😁) and it was on a school day so the parent must have taken them out of school. I couldn’t get my head round it at all.

100% agree op.

Judged the family that brought a toddler in a buggy to the London dungeons. Kid was traumatised and miserable and everyone else was pissed off. So lose / lose for everyone !

There was a jaw dropping thread a while ago when a loon brought her toddler to a smart woman only hen weekend in a posh cottage despite being explicitly and politely asked not to.

The problem isn't always childcare, if you know someone's a single parent then you either cut them some slack and let them bring their DC or you make arrangements for when the DC are in school. It's the DPs who could leave their DC at home but won't who get people's backs up

I think that’s the one posted up thread .,

I don’t have much skin in the game, I don’t have a dog (firmly team cat over here), also wouldn’t dream of taking my DD to an adult event. I bloody love an adult only event, also adult only weddings… bliss. I feel parks or outdoor shindigs do have a more open invite vibe, although appreciate if an invite is explicit - it’s still a bit rude.

I think that is totally fair enough.

that's a quick way to be not invited to the next one hahah

Yes I can only assume people that do this are actually trying to get rid of their friends as it’s a foolproof way to get people to bin you and to never invite you to anything again.

You asked why people don't get babysitters these days and I gave some examples of challenges we've had.
As I mentioned in my post, we did have options until they were no longer options.
We are not based in the US and your experience is different to ours, people here don't tend to leave their kids with a neighbourhood teen, especially if they are under 16, unless they are a family friend or similar.
There is no denying that cost plays a major factor in why people don't use a sitter. We would spend the equivalent of US$60+ for a sitter. It can be prohibitive.

We had a huge controversy early this year where a comic asked a woman with a baby to leave his show. The blow up was massive on both sides. I truly don't get it - breastfeeding baby = unsuitable for a loud, late show. People have become so entitled they refuse to accept having a baby means you can't go to certain events until you can leave them at home.

We have zero childcare & won't leave our SEN DC with a stranger, nor can we afford a babysitter. So we don't go. There's no point going to our free work Xmas dinner when we have to pay AUD$25 an hour (so at least $100) for a babysitting service. Sucks, but it's still our choice.