To feel annoyed when people bring their children to adult-only events?

[ThatTwinklyFinch]

I’ve attended several adult-only events where some guests have brought their children along, despite clear instructions that the event was for adults only. I find it disruptive and inconsiderate to those who expected a child-free environment. AIBU to feel frustrated and expect people to adhere to event guidelines?

I feel the same when people turn up with dogs without asking. Not that I hate dogs, it’s just rude to assume that yours won’t be irritating to others. Same for children.

I absolutely cannot wait for a ‘AIBU to think my friend shouldn’t have brought her labradoodle to my hen party’ thread. Someone please tag me when it happens! I will also accept a pug at a baby shower thread as a consolation prize.

I agree. We had a walking group during Covid restrictions and made it clear it was for adult humans only. And yet despite us telling several people no this wasn’t a dog friendly group we still had people turn up with their pooch and get stroppy when we said this wasn’t the right group for them

Imagine a world where everyone only ever thought of themselves. Doesn’t sound like a nice one

Indeed.

Quite a few posters conflating two different issues.

It is rude to turn up with children to adult only events. I'm perplexed as to why people would think otherwise.

No-one (reasonable) would argue that's is appropriate to gate crash an event you were not invited to and children should not be perceived as an exception in this regard.

The majority of adult events are unsuitable for children anyway so it's doubly selfish to both other guests and the children.

Even when the venue might be able to accommodate a child it's not fair to impose your child on other adults (whose behaviour/language/topics of discussion will have to be modified) when those with children have arranged childcare.

I find this very irritating also.

Every Easter weekend (not Easter Sunday as that has more “family time” vibes, usually Good Friday) I host an Easter get together with the girls- there’s 6 of us. We all bring a dish and I decorate the house with Easter themed bits, we do a quiz and it’s generally just a nice event. I’ve hosted it for about 8 years.
However two years ago, by this point two of the girls had babies and they brought them along. They were a few months old and just sort of sat asleep so it was no major deal. But then this year, those babies had (obviously!) turned into toddlers. And they brought them. And a third girl had since had a baby who was around 8months. And it was just chaotic. My house is not toddler proof and these two toddlers were just all over the place and their mums were just constantly running after them. We couldn’t get through the quiz I’d made because well, there were two toddlers there. We couldn’t do any board games like we usually do at this event. The whole event just became centred around the three kids. The three mums all left early and the three of us remaining child free girls agreed that the event jusy wasn’t the same, and we all felt quite disappointed by it. I was niggled as the mums hadn’t even asked if they could bring their toddlers. Just assumed they could, and it just didn’t work. I know Easter is months away but I’m already stressing over what I’ll do, as I don’t want to do it again and it be like that, but I know they’ll be put out if I explicitly say their ch can’t come, as it’s an “At home” event, they just think it makes sense for their toddlers to come, and they can’t see how it, for lack of better word, ruins it for the rest of us.

The people bringing their children to eg a writing group as above are only thinking of themselves and it isn’t nice.

I seem to recall a thread on here about a woman who took her child to a Hen Weekend ( possibly husband too?)

So then you don't go to an adult only event with your child, it's not rocket science.

If you arrange the lunch and you say the kids will be with me and your friend declines they're within their right to do so.

Irrelevant to the comment I was replying to

I wasn’t replying to the comment you were replying to, I was replying to your comment.

Sometimes it isn’t clear what it “adult only” though. I assume if someone invited me to lunch on a Tuesday they will know I have my child with me, as I always do. I’d not even think twice not to bring them and I’d be pretty shocked to later find out they felt like I’d forced my child upon them when they expected only me.

My friend however would never take her child out for coffee to meet a friend as she finds it too stressful. Different expectations for different people.

Doesn’t mean it’s an “adult only” event just because one person assumes so right? Unless expressed outright though I guess

🙄 and I don’t disagree with you. It’s a different subject to the comment I was replying to

The OP says there were clear instructions.

Great. Glad we agree 🙂

other people don’t always want to spend time with your children.

if they aren’t invited and you cant make arrangements to accommodate their non-invitation- just don’t go.

I think this is quite an unkind attitude, with the context given. Supporting your friends is important, with or without children.

@LouH5 I can maybe understand babes in arms if they feel cant be left yet as too young but defo not toddlers and above. Plus you can chat freely with babies. It doesn't matter that the event is at home it is still an adult time. I think you just have to be honest and say your happy to host and do the quiz but only if we can arrange it for a date/time that everyone can get childcare.

Many years ago I went to one of those events run by a holiday company promoting group trips they were planning to run plus taking bookings. I was particularly interested in a trip to Europe which involved mountain walking and sleeping in mountain refuges. Mountain refuges for those who don't know are dormitory accommodation and quite often large areas where people spread out their sleeping bags so sleeping several to a bed. There was a pregnant lady at the event who was adamant that she wanted to book for mountain walking and refuges. She would be bringing her by then fairly new-born baby with her as well. According to her the baby would be a 'docile' baby and not cause any issues. Nothing the organisers could say would dissuade her. I along with several other people there decided they would be booking another trip hastily.

It's the "Oh, they won't mean x, y or z" that annoys me too, KnottedTwine; you'd think "No under 18s" would be clear but the entitled/inconsiderate can usually be relied on to come up with something which suits only them

I suppose "No under 18s of any age" might be even clearer, but then you get "The childcare let me down and I didn't think you'd mind ..."

?? What’s your issue? I’m not replying to the OP….. again

Sorry? I don’t have an issue, I was pointing out the op said there were clear instructions incase you missed it.

Really? Another one of these? 🙄

I'd just be straightforward and upfront about it on the invites if you do it again next Easter : " Hi ladies it's our usual get together coming up soon, just to clarify we're keeping it just us ladies so fingers crossed all who need to sort out childcare can do so" and say you are sending the invites nice and early to help with that.

I'm sure the ones with children will attend many child friendly events, no need to be pressured into making your event like that too.

Meerkat9
Nope. Your choice to have kids, your responsibility

No one said they were your responsibility 😂🤦‍♀️ I don’t think we’d be friends.

My thoughts exactly @Flossyts some pretty unkind, intolerant people on this thread. Who probably then complain that their friends who have kids don't see them anymore 🙄