To feel annoyed when people bring their children to adult-only events?

[ThatTwinklyFinch]

I’ve attended several adult-only events where some guests have brought their children along, despite clear instructions that the event was for adults only. I find it disruptive and inconsiderate to those who expected a child-free environment. AIBU to feel frustrated and expect people to adhere to event guidelines?

Judging from what I read on MN, people consider leaving their children with babysitters who are any more distant to them than grandparents to be basically child abuse.

Anyone who brings a child to a formal, explicitly child free event should be denied entry or asked to leave.

This is a ridiculous comment, childfree get together are rarely the only get togethers a group of friends organises. You go to the events that work for you without having a tantrum if an event doesn't work for you.

I have to put a lot of effort into arranging childcare, no family local and friends have their own families and commitments. This means that I make plans that I know I can manage and fit with my responsibilities.

It's frustrating at times, I would love to go to the theatre more with my wife but it isn't practical right now. It won't be like this forever, the boys will get older and we will have tons of freetime.

Well there are 3 magic words that most of us manage conjure up...

"I can't come".

Job done.

Yes I agree. I have some sympathy for single parents who might have to take their kids with them more than they would ideally like but no one should be turning up at a specifically "no kids" event with kids.

I've seen it happen and it always annoys me.

Year 6 leavers' event (evening party) for my sons school. Parents welcome but very clearly stated "NO siblings". One family turned up with their toddler thinking she didn't count though they let her help herself to the food. She was a total pain in the arse. Worst of all both mum and dad were there so one of them could easily have stayed at home with her. The heads teacher's dogs were there (this had been ok-d by the families). Toddler had an ice cream in a cone, kept waving it in dog's face. Dog obliging took a bite of cone. Parents went nuts and believe it or not complained to the governors.

Cousin's wedding. Strictly no kids. Paid a small fortune for a nanny to sit for ours near the venue. Turned up and there were at least 6 other kids present, apparently sprung on bride in last few days when the parents "couldn't" get a sitter.

Friends farewell party (moving away). Asked expressly, please no kids so we can all let our hair down, plenty of notice. Everyone abided except one couple who turned up with 2 kids. WTF? They didn't stay long. I think the hostess, who was quite outspoken, must have had a word or two!

Screaming babies not taken out of theatres, school plays, church services ... I could go on. Some people think their children are so cute and special that the rules don't apply.

I once went to a quiet day at an Anglican religious order and someone had brought their baby along. I couldn’t believe it. I was paying for childcare for my under 5s. The baby was not quiet.

My friend with a toddler used apps and canvassed teens in her flatblock to get baby sitters but was surprised that she seemed to be in the minority to do so amongst people she knew!

In this instance you plan the lunch at a time when you have childcare.

I still cringe at being behind a little girl, maybe 8 yo, in a nice party dress at the theatre with I assume mum and granny watching an officer and a gentleman the musical - simulated sex, swearing and then suicide - lovely family night out - was mortified for them

That is so selfish. She should have taken the baby out- It must have been so disruptive to the other participants- and the Lecturer.

@LoobyDoop2

Yes; even sitters vetted by the MI5 wouldn't do for some. That's not competent parenting imho.

Poor kid.
At the Theatre, there is no 'censorship' like the cinema.

As a child, I was forced to watch the Blue Max at the cinema with Dad.

I took along a book, but couldn't read in the poor light of the Cinema.

I sat quietly, but was aching with boredom.

A fighter pilot film does not appeal to a horse mad girl!

2h 36 mins.

Took young DS to Rocky Horror Show on stage {we were given free tickets by someone who couldn't go} - he absolutely loved it!

We do not, because having to plan one minor get together six months in advance only to have to cancel it every time because of babysitting or sickness starts to grate.

Took young DS to Rocky Horror Show on stage {we were given free tickets by someone who couldn't go} - he absolutely loved it!

I have no idea how “young” your DS was but I have no idea why anyone in their right mind, would take a child below the teen years to see that considering the topics, firmly adult humour and an audience repeatedly shouting slut, asshole etc.

A friend of mine once brought her 12 year old daughter to a "mums'" lunch. We're not particularly raucous (not at all in fact), but it was awkward having to be careful about what we said, albeit about the school/how our offspring were coping/elderly parents etc. She sat there just staring at us, taking it all in!

A friend started an all female meet up group recently and arranged the initial get together at a local cocktail bar.

She had several ‘am I ok to bring my kids’ requests to which she politely replied ‘only if they’re over 18 as it’s an adults meet up’ only to be told she was being rude and not inclusive! Surely there’s other groups this lady could join to meet with children.

As it was she still turned up with two primary age kids in tow and kicked off at the bar staff when told she couldn’t take them into the bar area where we were sitting and was only allowed in the cafe area.

She then wrote a really spiteful post on FB slagging off the organiser and the bar

Once at an adult only hotel one holiday a few years back. They had a big 90s theme foam party one day and some guests invited family with children that were presumably staying nearby.
After several complaints the parents and children were told to leave. The mum kicked off massively and hit another guest. Police called and she was arrested and family escorted off the grounds, whilst everyone cheered and clapped.

It's rude and disrespectful. People host or attend children free events for a reason.

Forums that skew more heavily American often have threads about people/friends/relatives who bring their children to breweries and vineyards for tasting events/hens/stags/birthdays etc. I think it’s odd.

Although not as odd as my cousin trying to take her 4 young g children to ‘visit’ (read get free babysitting while she sits on her phone) another cousin who had just had stomach surgery and was recovering at home, and then posting on Facebook about ‘so called family’ when surgery-cousins mum told her no.

Oh and also the organiser had several messages asking if it’s ok to bring their husband/partner - what part of female meet up group is hard to understand?

We once had organised an adults-only event at school through the PTA, licensing laws said that absolutely no under 18s could be present at all if we wanted to sell wine/beer. The number of people who turned up with toddlers (oh, the under 18s just means teenagers who might try to buy booze) or babies in prams (ha ha they don't count as a child!) or older teenagers (clearly under 18s only means primary school age children!) and so on.

Couldn't work out whether they were being genuinely thick, or genuinely entitled and thought the law didn't apply to them.

Nope. Your choice to have kids. I don't want to go to soft play all the time and be constantly interrupted. No point meeting parents in that situation.

I've had this experience also. Went a writers workshop and the line up was fantastic but the whole event was ruined by a lady's colicky baby who screamed all day. It was so awful and when one of the speakers did dare to say, ever so kindly, 'might baby settle better for a little walk - the grounds here are lovely'. An event host spoke up to remind her that the whole event was being live streamed so she would be able to acess the recording and listen again.
The mother, who did look embarrassed and upset, said 'he'll be asleep soon, I just really need to hear these words today.' After a while I saw an older lady took him in the baby carrier outside for a walk, obviously she didn't need to hear the words as much.

I've had 5 children, I know how boring and isolating those times can be, but I could never have done that, I could never have felt that my experience trumped a packed conference room of other women's experiences. She ruined that event.

Dont be daft, single parents have words they can use, I'd love to meet up but I don't have any childcare, could we discuss something that will work for both of us?

Who are these women who can't communicate with their friends? I'd think any friend of mine who turned up with their child having not mentioned anything in advance had lost the plot a little..

There seems to be two issues going on here (edit: in the thread, not the OP):

1. Yes, people bringing children to events they are explicitly not meant to bring children to is annoying.
2. If you don’t make any compromise with your friends - whether that’s insisting on only meeting at soft play or at adult-only bars - that can sometimes work for certain categories of friends (eg mummy friends or drinking buddies) but it won’t for others, and don’t be at all surprised if those people don’t prioritise your relationship or show much interest in your own life outside that one shared activity.