Husband has just had a go

[Sprinkly]

We're struggling immensely with money at the moment... Lack of it.

Two young kids, he works full time (pre kids I was the breadwinner) and I work 16 hours a week for a charity, making very little.

For the past six months, I've been applying like mad for jobs. Either hybrid full time or part time to top up.

Background - been diagnosed with bipolar 3 years ago. Am medicated and generally fine. We moved into a new house last year and there's still some organising to be done plus the day to day chores fall behind.

Tonight, like most days, I have been applying for jobs. At 1am, found a great job that required verbal interview questions to be submitted. Little did I know DH was stood at the door listening to my answers after he'd had three beers once his show had finished and was getting for bed.

He stormed in telling me it was too late to be doing that. I didn't sound coherent and it went on...

• you're not looking after yourself
• thought you were doing no carbs and all you're eating is carbs
• you're not right/yourself at the moment
• if I worked as little as you do, this house would be spotless

And so on...

For the record, I've been offered a job with very unsociable hours meaning I'd really only get to see the kids in the early mornings/weekends and it would interfere with their clubs and classes not to mention childcare. I'm reluctant as it isn't great pay and long hours but DH is so hell bent on us getting money (hugely in debt) that he wants me to take it. I can't do right for doing wrong.

He wants me to go to church with him tomorrow. I'm not religious so not going to go as I'm angry despite usually going for the family.

Sleeping in separate beds tonight and I feel pretty hurt by his verbal attack when I'm trying to do better.

Whatever. I have a DH who has bipolar and living with it is no picnic for either partner. Once again, a bad diet and not looking after your general health can have an effect on bipolar and the meds used to control it. So I read his comments as directed at that, nothing to do with her weight or appearance. Sometimes a partner can pick up on the start of a decline before the person realises it themselves - that’s sometimes the nature of the condition. I’ve done similar myself so I recognise the concern. That’s all. And at no point have I found ‘fault’ with the OP she has a MH condition, the effects of which I am only too familiar with.

What is abusive?
He was a bit curt and insensitive at worst but I definitely don't think voicing your concerns is abuse.
Or are some or you so flawless that you never blurt things out in the heat of the moment, during a frustrating and trying time?

Re the 5% vote for unreasonable I’d take that with a pinch of salt unless there are posts backing it up. There’s often 1 or 3% voting unreasonable on voting posts and I think there are some just some awful sick people laughing when they press that button.

This is MN. You should know by now that some contributors are above reproach, behave impeccably at all times, and are unfailingly magnificent in times of crisis. 😇

WTF do you mean, "children aren't necessarily the best option". They have ALREADY got two. What the heck are you suggesting? Getting rid of the children somehow?

Don't take that job. You will end up working unsocial hours for not a lot of money and doing all the chores - because I am willing to bet he won't.
I don't know what else to say except, perhaps dump him?