Loud parenting and grandparenting that goes on and on...

[FiveLoadsFourLiftsThreeMeals]

Am I unreasonable to be irritated by the unnecessarily loud, fake/ over enthusiastic "cheerleading" style of child-accompanying that seems to happen when multiple family members accompany or look after one or two small children?

Longer background for the few who can be bothered to read below no need to read it obviously:

I'm very tolerant of child noise (as in noise made by the actual children) but my neighbours have had their little granddaughter all summer, while I was off work and at weekends and oh my goodness the grandparents are so loud! At first I told myself it's nice they're so enthusiastic, but they're in the garden basically cheerleading in kind of loud baby voices for hours every day, and when the parents collect the little girl (coincidentally just after I get in from work on week days) they settle in for an hour before taking her home and join in and there are four of them at it!

I've been noticing similar out and about (two parents with one toddler at the pool were trying to work their child up to whoop and scream by doing so themselves going down the (toddler size) slides and then splashing him and each other directly on the pool steps even though the child himself was playing contentedly and fairly quietly, scooping and pouring water from his little bucket just making the odd comments and smiles to his parents until they got him riled up).

Just now I was out for a walk and an extended family coming up behind me were the same - five adults on foot being loud kind of at two relatively quiet small children on little bikes, with lots of shouted baby talk and cheerleading. They were the only other people around and were maintaining a distance about 30 meters behind me and completely ruined the otherwise potentially very peaceful walk.

YANBU to find the adults annoying or

YABU and a grumpy old woman?

I completely get what you mean OP and I agree

Honestly you can't do right from wrong nowadays, all the advice from preschool and nursery is talk talk talk to your child from baby age so they pick up language as it's vital to their development. But on the other hand there's not much original to say to a child so it does get repetitive.
Yes you can go overboard but honestly we are not all perfect parents we are trying to do our best and follow the advice and above all have a little bit of fun along the way

Nothing is worse than people playing their phones on trains and busses. It so self absorbed. It’s so thoughtless of others.

Performance parenting is annoying but everyone can accept that at least they think their kids are a priority, there’s worse things in the world.

I'm sorry, I didn't realise there was something wrong with you. I won't add anything further, because I don't think it's fair to mock the afflicted.

I think they're performing for and competing with one another tbh. Especially once the parents arrive and all four of them (two grandparents and two parents) seem to be trying to outdo one another. Once the parents arrive you don't hear the child's voice at all - when the grandparents are on their own without the parents she talks a bit and the grandparents jump in at three times her volume and twenty times the verbosity. I think the little girl has to wait until the grandparents are eating or drinking to get a word in 🤣

Our neighbours had a baby at the start of lockdown and I felt so sorry for them as their families are all long distance from them. But my god the performance parenting is exhausting to listen to. I often have to come inside as it's just way too much to listen to for long. That poor lad is shouted at constantly "oh you're so clever, good boy, well done, oh look how well you're jumping on the trampoline". It's a really bizarre form of interaction if you ask me, he's never allowed to just play without any form of cheerleading.

Ahhhhh performance GP 🤦‍♀️ 🫠 grinds my gears ⚙️ I always tell myself it's because G is overcompensating for picking and choosing when it suits her.

I'm in training to be a grumpy old woman and my main complaint is volume (I don't think parents or grandparents are any worse than anyone else tbh) but I might be over sensitive because I am a miserable cow pretty quiet, as are the rest of my family.
People talking unreasonably loudly on the phone, in public, (mainly on the train) facetiming, or other person loud speaker, people listening to headphones at volume you can hear half a carriage away, and people conversing with the people next to them at a level audible to everyone within a 20 metre radius!

Yes! This exactly! I don't agree with those saying it's in the best interests of the children at all - children need to be able to (allowed to) play independently as well as needing adult interaction. Constantly talking at or over them and commenting (especially when it's all done in odd juvenile language) really doesn't seem to be a gold standard in any shape or form. I appreciate though that the people doing it might genuinely believe that what they're doing is great parenting or grandparenting.

Yes I hate the running commentary style of parenting and grandparenting some people do.

I actually don't think it's good for children to be the centrepiece of a situation/room all the time.

What is it with ''Good Jaaaaaab!!''

Performance parenting?

Americans are much noisier generally- at horse shows they whoop and holler and scream, much more than UK people do.

Yes!!!! I completely agree with you. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I find it frustrating when people judge others especially when it’s simply a case of showing love and attention. Also, isn’t patience something that’s meant to come with age? You’d think some of these older women would remember what it’s like to raise children and show a bit more understanding. But instead, they seem to lack patience for things they themselves must have dealt with at some point.

Toddlers screaming - This seems to be a much more recent thing.

One screamed today and it was like a steam whistle of an express train.

Hideous. It physically hurts ears of those around.

There is need to be so obtrusively loud with effusive praise, though.

My neighbours have a bright 3 yr old and a baby, and they don't do this loud ''performance parenting''.

I hear the dad singing to his kids sometimes, in a baritone, and it's lovely. {He doesn't know I can hear}

A normal conversational tone is fine.

Went out for a rare family treat of cooked breakfast, in a nice country cafe on a weekend.

Two sets of grandparents, the parents and toddler, in a table to the left of us. The two sets of grandparents went in for some excessive competitive nursery rhyme singing to the child. And didn’t seem to realise how damn intrusive it was, to everyone else.

Pretty much ruined our treat. I wasn’t impressed.

About the end of October our local garden centre opens up their wonderful Christmas shop. When I visit I go full ninja, go in as soon as they open, buy what I've gone for then out of there asap.

If not I have to suffer the annual show from performing parents and /or grandparents, "Who is that Jude? (shows child book/ornament/soft toy) "Yes!!!! It is Father Christmas" "YAY clever boy". "And what colour is his coat?" " That's right my darling IT IS red" Cue round of applause.

I do so much eye rolling, I look possessed🙄

YANBU.

People do it because they don't spend enough time with the children and they think volume and intensity will make up for lack of time. If they were there day in and day out they'd tone it down because that level of constant, loud, making-their-presence-felt shrieking would be exhausting.

A relative of mine does this to his two sons. At Christmas we were invited to their family party, we were all playing one of the kids' games and this dad was praising his sons to the skies every time they answered a question. Oh you're so clever. Oh that's such a good drawing. Oh you're the cleverest person in the room.
The sons are 28 and 30. I am not joking!
Both responsible adults, been to university, have both left home.

@johnd2

The advice is to talk with the child, not 'at' or 'to' the child, constantly, loudly, and with no regard for other lessons that are important to impart, such as appropriate volume in a restaurant, church, supermarket, or other setting.

lol

Like I say we are not all perfect parents to be honest some days it feels like going through the motions and other days you can get a good interaction going, it doesn't make us bad parents it is just life, try to have some fun and laugh or at least smile every day if you can

Yanbu.
Turn on a radio or music to match their level of racket.
Explain to them if they ask that you have zero interest in listening to their boring as hell cheerleading of little mary/johnny 🙄

I flat out yelled at parents in The Lion King, didn't realise it was half term and I'd paid a lot for those tickets 😂