Loud parenting and grandparenting that goes on and on...

[FiveLoadsFourLiftsThreeMeals]

Am I unreasonable to be irritated by the unnecessarily loud, fake/ over enthusiastic "cheerleading" style of child-accompanying that seems to happen when multiple family members accompany or look after one or two small children?

Longer background for the few who can be bothered to read below no need to read it obviously:

I'm very tolerant of child noise (as in noise made by the actual children) but my neighbours have had their little granddaughter all summer, while I was off work and at weekends and oh my goodness the grandparents are so loud! At first I told myself it's nice they're so enthusiastic, but they're in the garden basically cheerleading in kind of loud baby voices for hours every day, and when the parents collect the little girl (coincidentally just after I get in from work on week days) they settle in for an hour before taking her home and join in and there are four of them at it!

I've been noticing similar out and about (two parents with one toddler at the pool were trying to work their child up to whoop and scream by doing so themselves going down the (toddler size) slides and then splashing him and each other directly on the pool steps even though the child himself was playing contentedly and fairly quietly, scooping and pouring water from his little bucket just making the odd comments and smiles to his parents until they got him riled up).

Just now I was out for a walk and an extended family coming up behind me were the same - five adults on foot being loud kind of at two relatively quiet small children on little bikes, with lots of shouted baby talk and cheerleading. They were the only other people around and were maintaining a distance about 30 meters behind me and completely ruined the otherwise potentially very peaceful walk.

YANBU to find the adults annoying or

YABU and a grumpy old woman?

Exactly this.

Nothing at all wrong with interacting with the child in public, finding ways to interest and entertain them, encourage them in activities etc. But for God sake don't forget you have a volume button.

It's perfectly possible to have an animated conversation with your child or even read them a story on a train or a bus without the whole carriage being able to hear. The child won't be any less stimulated because you didn't bellow at the top of your voice.

Oh dear, looks like I touched a nerve doesn't it? Don't get upset, you carry on shouting and I'll carry on laughing! At least you won't need a megaphone, but you'll probably end up with a sore throat!

There's a couple who have two little boys at the same daycare as my son. Every single morning without fail both parents do the drop off and they sing the same annoying song the whole way from their car to the door! It's like a made up song which goes like 'gooooodbye Jimmy and gooodbye James, we love you so much, now go have fun.' Then when they get to the door they both shout 'goodbye, goodbye, we love you we love you' absolutely bonkers.. then if I happen to see them at pick up they are even worse! I'm only describing half of it but they are so loud and annoying!!

Studies of 1:1 interaction between caregivers and pre verbal babies , not toddlers and preschool children!

Babbling back to babies, usually while holding the baby and making eye contact and ensuring a "back and forth" babbling "conversation" at the same volume as the baby and at the relevant stage of language development is a completely different form of interaction.

It really isn't relevant to the loud incessant behaviour of multiple adults talking in juvenile language at* preschool children - using baby talk loudly as a running commentary on or simply a way of talking at children who are well past the babbling stage.

Weird! I bet you try to avoid them!

This. Unfortunately talking to your kids in an irritating way is probably good for them.

As for the "Does it have to be so loud?" aspect, Brits tend to be relatively quiet in general. Have a normal conversation in a train carriage or on a plane and you'll probably get half the carriage giving you death stares and wishing you'd shut up. And people do tend to talk in an exaggerated way to young children - all that "horsey, horsey, new naw, nee naw" stuff - and small children are quite loud in their responses.

Yes, it's rather like people having very loud, very long mobile phone conversations on public transport. It does often feel as though the person in the carriage/ bus is either astonishingly self absorbed or under the impression they are very interesting and others are probably impressed by listening to the details of their social life or work.

@FiveLoadsFourLiftsThreeMeals er, no. There's also loads of research on parent-child talk at the toddler age that shows that things like repetition, sing-song tone and so on are helpful to language development.

OK but the point was they were praising every tiny move in loud baby voices and shrieks, not the walking part.
This child was a confident walker, most people wouldn't shriek with delight every time your child takes a few steps if they've been walking for two months.
My own child didn't walk until nearly three, the first time she walked was very exciting, after a few days it becomes the norm.

I actually quite like most children, not just my own, unlike a lot of people. I don't mind spending time with other people's kids and always volunteer for the school trips if I can.

I don't particularly like children (including my own) in confined spaces for long periods of time. But I tolerate them with a smile and am as kind, helpful and considerate to the parents as I can be. I'm the one sharing our snacks or offering baby wipes to clean up spills or retrieving a rogue toddler when the mum is dealing with the baby.

I don't think heaving an internal sigh makes me a bad person. I find the frenetic activity and noise that comes with entertaining kids in confined spaces noisy and overwhelming.

You may have thought this of me a few weeks ago, I was trying to make my grandson's mind off feeling queasy on the bus. I'm sure a bit of noise is preferable to a vomiting child.

Frankly you just sound quite miserable and unkind.

Nice
Exactly the attitude the OP is talking about I would say.

I admit I am somewhat preprogrammed to think this because it was definitely true of my own mother, who certainly didn't play with her own children (which is fine and generationally normal) and ignored her grandchildren unless she realised someone was looking, I'm which case she massively hammed up the loud performance grandparenting whilst still actually pretty much ignoring the actual child and instead seeking eye contact with and grinning at the adult or adults she wanted her brilliant grandparenting to be noticed by.

So in modern - speak perhaps I am "triggered" by the loud, loud performative seeming parents and grandparents. However I am too old to start talking like that or to really buy into always using armchair psychology buzzwords to justify feeling irritable 🤔😜

This is a very aggressive post and doesn't really do much for the argument that loud (grand) parenting is done by engaged (grand) parents because it is in the best interests of the children.

I wonder if it's like, they know they are conspicuous, and that causes them to add to it, kind of like being in a spotlight... they know they are being noticed, and so their behaviour subconsciously plays to that, I'm not sure I've conveyed this properly

@OrangeTeabags no Teabag, the OP is talking about two grandparents who have their grandchildren over and do the most they can to give children lovely happy childhood memories, and because those happy loud times trigger her own "neglected childhood from her mother"- as OP stated, she thinks all people act when they show love and attention. You'll hear loud noises, these children will grow happy. Now get yourself some tea and relax those nerves ladies, I see a lot of you think they were born adults.

This is an interesting idea and certainly might be true in some cases.

I expect it's not one size fits all and there are a range of reasons people do it, if I'm being reasonable 😜

It's still annoying when your only joined on neighbours start doing it pretty much incessantly and very loudly any and every time the weather is nice enough to be in the garden though. Our gardens are small so there's nowhere you can't hear it, but we're in an otherwise quite quiet village so before they started this all I could hear in the garden was birdsong most of the time! It's not a welcome change.

It's so cringe isn't it. I volunteer at rhyme time at a library and there's this one dad who does this Show Parenting all. The. Time.

"OH LEO, WOW, LOOK AT THAT YES YOU'RE RIGHT YOU LOOKED AT A BOOK YOU ARE SUCH A SMART BRAVE BOY WOW ISN'T DADDY LUCKY I WISH DADDY HAD YOU MORE OFTEN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOODNESS YOU ARE AMAZING COME HERE DADDY LOVES YOU SOOOOO MUCH OH LOOK ARE YOU CRAWLING AWAY HAHAHA OK LEO LET'S CRAWL TOGETHER!!!!"

😫

I actually like children and have no issues with children being noisy, it's the adults who are annoying.

I'm also not remotely convinced that incessantly loudly commentating and exaggeratedly whooping and applauding is giving the child a wonderful childhood or is developmentally useful - the child can barely get a word in edgeways and the grandparents (and parents when they arrive to collect) sound as though they're competing with one another and the child is almost just a prop.

sound as though they're competing with one another and the child is almost just a prop

I get what you mean by that

Yes - that's definitely someone with an agenda who is actually talking to his adult audience not his poor child.

''. Gudd Jarrrb "

I would agree with you, but they are in their own garden, so I don't think it's very performative, plus they keep it up for long hours.

We are a very loud family though so it probably seems normal to us.