To tell Children's Services it is a malicious referal from school

[UndertheCedartree]

So DD's school have today told me they are referring us to Children's Services. Ever since I made a complaint they have been trying to off roll her. They are not putting in proper support for DD leaving her struggling and then not wanting to go in the next day. Apparently this is all my fault. I feel this is just another tactic for me to be so fed up with the school I pull her out.

That must be really upsetting.

When am I giving in and allowing her to go home?? It is the school who sends her home or suspends her all the time.

Your post makes no sense. I know they have to legally provide her with an education hence her sitting in reception all day is no good, is it?

I am clearly venting on here.

She doesn't feel safe in school so struggles to separate from her safe person. This is due to the lack of plan by the school.

In Primary she did well. But they had a full time SENCo and she had a proper plan.

No, it's not a temporary plan and she has no 1:1, there is no quiet safe space either. Your plan is much better than the school's!

It's not allowed but it does happen. The school is always telling me and DD to find her a different school.

My daughter made it to year 10, aged 14. She had been highly anxious from the age of 8, but the pressure of GCSEs, the upheaval of different peers in every class, some additional new school rules and social relationships becoming more challenging tipped her over the edge.

In hindsight, her autism was obvious, but only at home; everywhere else she masked to fit in. Until she couldn't. The relief on her face when I told her I wouldn't force her back to that school and I'd find something else told me all I needed to know about whether I was doing the right thing.

She's now at 1-2-1 tuition to gain 5 GCSEs as she has been without education for 18 months. And her school continued to say she wouldn't get an EHCP because she was too able. It's just been awarded after I applied and fought myself.

Wait, when you say reception, do they want

1. you wait in reception until you are called to the special needs classroom where there are lots of different nooks your dd can choose from as spaces to hang out and decompress. Maybe even be able to do some school work because she isn’t dealing with the things that cause her stress or
2. they want you to sit with her in a busy reception space with lots of people and noise

I just assumed it was (1) because the second option is so crazy that I can’t believe it would happen in 2024

I wouldn’t.

No. We have support the issue is the school not engaging with it. Lots of professionals are involved but unfortunately the Head believes she knows better than them. She doesn't even know my DD but knows more than the experts who do know her.

I believe you op, my niece has just had to be pulled out school to be home schooled as they just wouldn't/couldn't facilitate what was needed to make school a suitable place for her to learn due to her Autism. They were hostile to my sil, anything she suggested to try make school easier for my niece was met with excuses and they seemed delighted when she finally gave in and said she'd remove and homeschool her.

Agreed, just go along with what they need so they can see you have nothing to hide. Let it speak for itself that there are no concerns.

I have done so but the school didn't support it so we were turned down. I'm now appealing.

Have you looked into eotas? It’s a fight to get, but it means that your local authority will pay for 1:1 tuition, therapeutic provisions, interest-based provisions etc. It’s homeschooling but the local authority pay for it. if neither mainstream or specialist schools can meet your child’s needs then this is the provision to argue tooth and nail for. It is transformational for the young person. (But a lot of work for you).

Not all schools have the facility that option 1 requires. Certainly not my DDs former secondary. The SENCO room was one of the noisiest parts of the school by post lunch, because all the young people who couldn't manage to be in class any more were hanging out there! There was no dedicated quiet / sensory room.

The school also failed to provide an appropriate trusted adult - DD hated the pastoral support but that was all that was offered. I was told by SENCO more support would be offered with a diagnosis. I paid £2k for a private assessment. Guess what? No more support. And promptly denied that she'd said there would be.

OP I think most of the people posting don’t have a clue what they’re talking about. Even the teachers aren’t aware of how every school in the country behaves! I’d be worried as well that’s natural but I’d get legal advice and work with them. I’d also look at a new school. I can’t see it ever working for your daughter where she is. I know that’s what the head wants but I’d just want my DC out of there.

The Ed Psych recommends things like:
Working with DD on ways she can try and regulate herself when she gets distressed.
Not telling DD something is happening and then changing it.
To not bring adult conversation around DD (I.e. stop telling me to find her another school in earshot of DD.)

I just thought if DD's problems are all because of me why would they 'return' DD to me if the still can't cope after 15 minutes? Surely I'd just make things worse? It just makes no sense.

Quite. Maybe they'll set me up a blackboard in there so I can educate her?! 😂

My 13 yo ds has developmental trauma and ADHD and struggles with school attendance.

I think you need to be really clear on what you are requesting.

For example "working on coping strategies with her when she's distressed". Who would be doing this? The teacher? TA? And what coping strategies does she already have? What ones does she use when with you?

Their plan doesn't involve them working on anything. It also leaves me with precious little resources to calm her.

Also unfortunately things will change sometimes. Teachers can't always predict things or they'll change their mind. I don't see how a school could accomplish that?

As a parent of a child with special needs I believe you too @UndertheCedartree . It seems to be a common experience, unfortunately.

It’s ridiculous to expect you to sit in reception all day.

Glad to hear you're appealing OP. Good luck

You're not following at all.

The school's plan is for me to sit in reception. If I agree to their plan I sit inbreception. If I disagree I do not.

Yes, hopefully Children's Services won't accept the referal. I think they could well see all the other services involved as well as lack of any evidence from the school and turn it down.

Yes, exactly. Thank you.