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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell Children's Services it is a malicious referal from school

648 replies

UndertheCedartree · 20/09/2024 21:48

So DD's school have today told me they are referring us to Children's Services. Ever since I made a complaint they have been trying to off roll her. They are not putting in proper support for DD leaving her struggling and then not wanting to go in the next day. Apparently this is all my fault. I feel this is just another tactic for me to be so fed up with the school I pull her out.

OP posts:
pollymere · 21/09/2024 23:33

user1474315215 · 20/09/2024 21:52

I would be extremely surprised if school was acting maliciously.

My child disclosed something which was essentially emotional abuse from a Senior Member of staff at school. Unfortunately part of that abuse was persuading our child that we were abusing them.

We reported the teacher and they then put us in at the highest level of concern with Social Services. Social Services couldn't find any evidence of abuse on our part and insufficient evidence against the teacher.

It permanently damaged our relationship with our wonderful kid and changed them as a person to go through all of that.

It happens...although it's easy to disprove the allegations, it's harder to lose the cloud.

Please think only of your child and follow what your heart is telling you. Don't destroy your child and their trust in you because some school is ordering and threatening you. Mine developed such a school phobia they couldn't get within the gate of a completely different school. And if it's a grammar school please PM me so I can check it's not the same teacher!

UndertheCedartree · 21/09/2024 23:37

pollymere · 21/09/2024 23:33

My child disclosed something which was essentially emotional abuse from a Senior Member of staff at school. Unfortunately part of that abuse was persuading our child that we were abusing them.

We reported the teacher and they then put us in at the highest level of concern with Social Services. Social Services couldn't find any evidence of abuse on our part and insufficient evidence against the teacher.

It permanently damaged our relationship with our wonderful kid and changed them as a person to go through all of that.

It happens...although it's easy to disprove the allegations, it's harder to lose the cloud.

Please think only of your child and follow what your heart is telling you. Don't destroy your child and their trust in you because some school is ordering and threatening you. Mine developed such a school phobia they couldn't get within the gate of a completely different school. And if it's a grammar school please PM me so I can check it's not the same teacher!

I'm so sorry to hear that. Thanks for the good advice.

OP posts:
Warmwoolytights · 21/09/2024 23:43

@UndertheCedartree I just wanted to say I’ve read this whole thread and you’ve been very patient with the staggering number of posters who either haven’t read your posts or understood them.

My DD is year 9, with ASD, and has EBSA. She ended up out of school for a month at the end of year 8, after not attending any lessons since Easter, and is now back in school but on vastly a reduced timetable - we take every day as it comes. The school is still yet to submit the ECHNA they promised months ago although they have had unexpected SEN resource issues and I’m assured it will go in next week. We have involvement from CAMHS, a private psychiatrist, OT, paediatrician and the autism specialist teaching team, but ultimately I suspect she just can’t cope in a large mainstream secondary and needs that EHCP to access something else, which could well be online schooling. And we have a school that is doing absolutely everything it can to support her. I did laugh bitterly at the naivety of some posters advising you that you really do need to get her into a specialist school, don’t you see?

I have to say, having left DD in school reception with her mentor, screaming and banging her head against a wall, shouting ‘take me home’ at me, that were the school to ever have suggested I sit in reception all day it would have been the end of any chance of DD going into a lesson. She is desperate for a quiet space and the wellbeing room has a large window; they told me the other day that she goes in there, turns the light off, drags a bean bag behind the sofa and hides under it, and that’s still not enough for her. She tries to lock herself in toilet cubicles but safeguarding means they can’t let her do that. The whole situation breaks my heart.

I didn’t mean this to be so me, me, me - my heart goes out to you and your DD. Many, many parents know just how difficult it is to see your child traumatised by school with nowhere to turn, and that’s without a school making it even harder.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 21/09/2024 23:53

UndertheCedartree · 21/09/2024 19:34

I don't need to provide a dossier of my past before I post anything.

I'm looking for advice and support about something specific. Which I'm allowed to do. Or do you become a second class citizen because you had a mental break down?

Well apparently anything bad that happens in you or your children's lives forever more is now a result of your mental breakdown 🙄. People like this are the reason more people don't seek help. I have anxiety and had sever breathing problems during one of my pregnancies and one nurse in ED wouldn't believe it was anything but a panic attack. Luckily the docotors weren't so biased. I wish I'd gone back and complained about her, people like that do a lot of damage under the guise of concern.

I wouldn't say it was malicious to the social worker, some will get their back up from that like so many posters on here. I might go for polite confusion, can't understand what they want to achieve but willing to welcome any and all support. I hope they are useful, or at least do a quick check and leave. SEND families were I live, completely different school system, same issues. Most of the Autistic kids I know have ended up being home schooled. Mine haven't but we've had ok schools so far, luck of the draw whether you get somewhere they can cope with.

The ability of a parent to communicate, advocate, afford time off and fight for their child shouldn't determine whether they will be able to get their basic education needs met or end up traumatised by school. The push back from school, they're trying to make things so bad you give up and pull her out, the head wants your DD out no matter what she has to do to achieve that. It she'd put that many hours into supporting your DD she could b3 a doing a lot better. We might like to think we've come a long way with disability but the old attitude is still there. Too many people still want SEN kids to stop taking up room and resources in the world and quitely disappear so they dont have to deal with any of it. Never mind the cost on us and our children, nor the fact they'd be singing a very different tune if it was their kids being harmed by the system.

DC2008 · 22/09/2024 00:30

Warmwoolytights · 21/09/2024 23:43

@UndertheCedartree I just wanted to say I’ve read this whole thread and you’ve been very patient with the staggering number of posters who either haven’t read your posts or understood them.

My DD is year 9, with ASD, and has EBSA. She ended up out of school for a month at the end of year 8, after not attending any lessons since Easter, and is now back in school but on vastly a reduced timetable - we take every day as it comes. The school is still yet to submit the ECHNA they promised months ago although they have had unexpected SEN resource issues and I’m assured it will go in next week. We have involvement from CAMHS, a private psychiatrist, OT, paediatrician and the autism specialist teaching team, but ultimately I suspect she just can’t cope in a large mainstream secondary and needs that EHCP to access something else, which could well be online schooling. And we have a school that is doing absolutely everything it can to support her. I did laugh bitterly at the naivety of some posters advising you that you really do need to get her into a specialist school, don’t you see?

I have to say, having left DD in school reception with her mentor, screaming and banging her head against a wall, shouting ‘take me home’ at me, that were the school to ever have suggested I sit in reception all day it would have been the end of any chance of DD going into a lesson. She is desperate for a quiet space and the wellbeing room has a large window; they told me the other day that she goes in there, turns the light off, drags a bean bag behind the sofa and hides under it, and that’s still not enough for her. She tries to lock herself in toilet cubicles but safeguarding means they can’t let her do that. The whole situation breaks my heart.

I didn’t mean this to be so me, me, me - my heart goes out to you and your DD. Many, many parents know just how difficult it is to see your child traumatised by school with nowhere to turn, and that’s without a school making it even harder.

I would do the EHCPNA yourself- you are in control of submitting and follow ups, otherwise if the school drags their heels (and they do like to drag out the process for as long as possible). Mine was initially rejected (said SEN could be supported in school) but I appealed and the LA conceded within days. IPSEA website is very good for support and advice.

Warmwoolytights · 22/09/2024 00:50

I talk to the school a lot and have only not done that because the school is confident they won’t be rejected whereas our lovely LA is knocking back parental requests left, right and centre, and waiting time for mediation would take up the same amount of time. Most of the time waiting has been the summer holiday, so the delay has felt frustrating but we‘ve probably not lost that much actual time. It’s their SEN resource that’s caused the delay - like most schools they’re just struggling to cope with demand.

MeandT · 22/09/2024 06:04

The system of secondary education is functionally broken for the 5-8% or so of the population with ASD and ADHD who should be able to access the mainstream curriculum.

Schools are so big that 5 times a day there is a massive mental onslaught of getting through noisy, aggressive corridors which are a hostile environment.

And most town secondaries are now so large that just getting 1500+ pupils fed is such an unachievable logistics issue, that the option of eating lunch is either 11.20 in the morning or after 1.30. Which normal human functions & learns well with timings like that?!?

Most adults would struggle to function normally in these conditions! The 90% of pupils who tolerate & occasionally thrive in these conditions would still do better in smaller, less hectic settings.

There are some schools which have managed to obtain the educated, nurturing and informed SEN staff, and the appropriate physical spaces to support those whose diagnosed medical conditions mean they're just going to go wobbly if they have to constantly operate in this hostile, big, loud, abrasive, school environment.

Accommodations like moving classroom 5 minutes early, hall passes to get to a quiet support room & education for the entire teaching staff so non-compliance is dealt with by self-removal rather than blowing up into a massive confrontation in front of an entire class are managed exceptionally well by some schools - and treated as an impossible anathema by others.

In these large schools with 1500+ pupils, there are going to be 100 or more children who would benefit from these kind of options-even if they don't ALL need quite that high a level of SEN support all the time.

When you look at the entire ecosystem that exists around fighting them at every level from getting assessments & then battling resistant schools (the ed psychs, OTs, CAMHS, social workers etc etc described here). SURELY it would be better value to our entire society & the future careers & earning capability of these pupils just to get the support right from the outset?

Or maybe what we can do in 5 years time is commandeer all the small private schools which will have been put out of business but seem to manage to offer a full curriculum to 100 pupils or less in a year group now - and educate those who need less upheaval in their school day there instead? It will surely cost less than it does for all the specialists, civil servants, social workers & lawyers do at the moment just to try to PREVENT these children from accessing an appropriate education?

Good luck OP. Your daughter deserves to get support for what the ed psych has suggested. It's really not rocket science!

noodlebugz · 22/09/2024 07:51

UndertheCedartree · 21/09/2024 21:48

Oh yes work email good idea!

So I had the school respond to my complaint eventually.
Then I escalated my complaint to the governors. However, that was 6 weeks ago (as in 3 end of last term and 3 of this term) but the governor person just keeps trying to pursuade me to drop the complaint and deal with it informally. Which I wouldn't mind except the school have made it quite clear they do not want to resolve it informally (to me) But they seem to have lied to the governor person that they are having a meeting with me to resolve informally.
I think the next step is maybe speaking to the trust? Do I just tell them I got nowhere with trying to do the last stage?

I’d remind them of the complaint policy and that you would like it to be formal and they have a reponisbility in that. And that you are letting them know because it’s been several weeks and the school have failed so anything informally.
I’d them to follow the procedure, for a time frame and what the next step in the procedure is - just in case they block your work email as well.
If they do that - I’d report rhem to ofsted tbh a) for the disability discrimination and b) for having a non functioning / non accountable complaints procedure which you’d have evidence for

Morph22010 · 22/09/2024 08:17

NowImNotDoingIt · 21/09/2024 21:34

Oh and the next step after teacher, head and governors is ofsted.

Ofsted don’t get involved in individual cases

UndertheCedartree · 22/09/2024 08:51

Warmwoolytights · 21/09/2024 23:43

@UndertheCedartree I just wanted to say I’ve read this whole thread and you’ve been very patient with the staggering number of posters who either haven’t read your posts or understood them.

My DD is year 9, with ASD, and has EBSA. She ended up out of school for a month at the end of year 8, after not attending any lessons since Easter, and is now back in school but on vastly a reduced timetable - we take every day as it comes. The school is still yet to submit the ECHNA they promised months ago although they have had unexpected SEN resource issues and I’m assured it will go in next week. We have involvement from CAMHS, a private psychiatrist, OT, paediatrician and the autism specialist teaching team, but ultimately I suspect she just can’t cope in a large mainstream secondary and needs that EHCP to access something else, which could well be online schooling. And we have a school that is doing absolutely everything it can to support her. I did laugh bitterly at the naivety of some posters advising you that you really do need to get her into a specialist school, don’t you see?

I have to say, having left DD in school reception with her mentor, screaming and banging her head against a wall, shouting ‘take me home’ at me, that were the school to ever have suggested I sit in reception all day it would have been the end of any chance of DD going into a lesson. She is desperate for a quiet space and the wellbeing room has a large window; they told me the other day that she goes in there, turns the light off, drags a bean bag behind the sofa and hides under it, and that’s still not enough for her. She tries to lock herself in toilet cubicles but safeguarding means they can’t let her do that. The whole situation breaks my heart.

I didn’t mean this to be so me, me, me - my heart goes out to you and your DD. Many, many parents know just how difficult it is to see your child traumatised by school with nowhere to turn, and that’s without a school making it even harder.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear of your DD's struggles. I'm sending much solidarity. The Educational Psychologist wrote on her report that the situation with my DD (I've often been in that situation of having to prise her fingers off me) is not only traumatic for DD but for me too. It is so, so mentally tough on us too.

Would you mind me asking what the school did when she was unable to attend lessons?

I really hope we can both get an EHCP secured as soon as possible.

OP posts:
Tessiebear2023 · 22/09/2024 08:56

I was in a very similar position with my two eldest son's primary school, I had never made a complaint, but they were targeting me with a malicious referral bc my dad was a governor of the school and he (unbeknownst to me) was holding the Head's feet to the fire over over staff bullying allegations. Anyway, baffled by the referral, I spoke to child services and said that I didn't understand the referral and my kids' behaviour was fine at home. They said that they would come to the school and observe my children, I said fine. Funnily enough the school then dropped the referral and nothing more was said!

I missing out a lot of details here, but basically you need to turn the tables on the school. I didn't know that my children had been maliciously referred, so I dealt with the situation as someone who was genuinely baffled and wanted to get to the bottom of my children's apparent behaviour issues at school, the child services were only too pleased to assist! Dont be scared of child services, they are genuinely there to help. The worst thing you can do in this situation is be angry and defensive, make it clear you want to work with them and just describe what's been happening. I wonder how your child's school will react if it's them getting a visit from child services?

Btw, if you're curious about how my children's story ends, the bullying Head eventually agreed to resign. The new head was great and all my kids' supposed issues at school magically resolved. I only found out about the bullying much later, my dad couldn't tell me at the time bc of confidentiality in his position (yes I was angry, but my dad has always been a dogged rule follower).

Lizzie67384 · 22/09/2024 08:59

Ifoughthefight · 20/09/2024 21:58

What is the whole situation at home? Married, happy life, involved husband, other siblings? Do you read to her, what was the complaint?

How much support you requested for her needs? How many meetings you had with the teachers, SENCO and head teachers? What was the content of your complaint?

Married, happy life, involved husband? Are you serious?!?!?!

UndertheCedartree · 22/09/2024 09:11

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 21/09/2024 23:53

Well apparently anything bad that happens in you or your children's lives forever more is now a result of your mental breakdown 🙄. People like this are the reason more people don't seek help. I have anxiety and had sever breathing problems during one of my pregnancies and one nurse in ED wouldn't believe it was anything but a panic attack. Luckily the docotors weren't so biased. I wish I'd gone back and complained about her, people like that do a lot of damage under the guise of concern.

I wouldn't say it was malicious to the social worker, some will get their back up from that like so many posters on here. I might go for polite confusion, can't understand what they want to achieve but willing to welcome any and all support. I hope they are useful, or at least do a quick check and leave. SEND families were I live, completely different school system, same issues. Most of the Autistic kids I know have ended up being home schooled. Mine haven't but we've had ok schools so far, luck of the draw whether you get somewhere they can cope with.

The ability of a parent to communicate, advocate, afford time off and fight for their child shouldn't determine whether they will be able to get their basic education needs met or end up traumatised by school. The push back from school, they're trying to make things so bad you give up and pull her out, the head wants your DD out no matter what she has to do to achieve that. It she'd put that many hours into supporting your DD she could b3 a doing a lot better. We might like to think we've come a long way with disability but the old attitude is still there. Too many people still want SEN kids to stop taking up room and resources in the world and quitely disappear so they dont have to deal with any of it. Never mind the cost on us and our children, nor the fact they'd be singing a very different tune if it was their kids being harmed by the system.

I know, I don't understand it. The way that poster wanted to make me feel ashamed for not disclosing everything from my past and had an attitude that I did not deserve any support because of it and that she'd decided to trawl through my past threads was really sinister and I'm glad MN deleted so swiftly. I have made many threads in the past because I find them so helpful just like this one.

That is infuriating that medical professionals can be so blinded to the possibility of physical in those with mental illness. I'm a nurse and it sadly happens all the time.

That is so true! If all the time wasted on trying to off roll DD could be spent on putting in a really good plan for support I believe things could be quite different. And yes, I often think that - if the Head had a SEN DC she'd be fighting tooth and nail too!

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 22/09/2024 09:20

MeandT · 22/09/2024 06:04

The system of secondary education is functionally broken for the 5-8% or so of the population with ASD and ADHD who should be able to access the mainstream curriculum.

Schools are so big that 5 times a day there is a massive mental onslaught of getting through noisy, aggressive corridors which are a hostile environment.

And most town secondaries are now so large that just getting 1500+ pupils fed is such an unachievable logistics issue, that the option of eating lunch is either 11.20 in the morning or after 1.30. Which normal human functions & learns well with timings like that?!?

Most adults would struggle to function normally in these conditions! The 90% of pupils who tolerate & occasionally thrive in these conditions would still do better in smaller, less hectic settings.

There are some schools which have managed to obtain the educated, nurturing and informed SEN staff, and the appropriate physical spaces to support those whose diagnosed medical conditions mean they're just going to go wobbly if they have to constantly operate in this hostile, big, loud, abrasive, school environment.

Accommodations like moving classroom 5 minutes early, hall passes to get to a quiet support room & education for the entire teaching staff so non-compliance is dealt with by self-removal rather than blowing up into a massive confrontation in front of an entire class are managed exceptionally well by some schools - and treated as an impossible anathema by others.

In these large schools with 1500+ pupils, there are going to be 100 or more children who would benefit from these kind of options-even if they don't ALL need quite that high a level of SEN support all the time.

When you look at the entire ecosystem that exists around fighting them at every level from getting assessments & then battling resistant schools (the ed psychs, OTs, CAMHS, social workers etc etc described here). SURELY it would be better value to our entire society & the future careers & earning capability of these pupils just to get the support right from the outset?

Or maybe what we can do in 5 years time is commandeer all the small private schools which will have been put out of business but seem to manage to offer a full curriculum to 100 pupils or less in a year group now - and educate those who need less upheaval in their school day there instead? It will surely cost less than it does for all the specialists, civil servants, social workers & lawyers do at the moment just to try to PREVENT these children from accessing an appropriate education?

Good luck OP. Your daughter deserves to get support for what the ed psych has suggested. It's really not rocket science!

You have a really good point. DD would definitely do better in a smaller school. Her school now is the smallest available with 6 form entry and much quieter and calmer than the bigger schools. But of course that is still a lot of DC! And a lot of noise and bumping and business.

OP posts:
Warmwoolytights · 22/09/2024 09:25

@UndertheCedartree when she’s not in lessons she sits reading in the SEN centre. They have a robot camera that can be put in a lesson and she can use that to ‘be’ in the lesson without being in the classroom. She was too heightened to engage last term but is going to try this term with maths and sit with a TA next to her who can help. She gets massively anxious around maths and freezes as a result so just wasn’t able to absorb anything.

The approach now is to have removed her from all lessons she hated, so she now is only trying to go to the ones she likes. She is going to do regular maths and English in online classes either at home or at times in school she doesn’t have lessons. And she will only be in school 2.5 days a week. She has CAMHS therapy one morning and an autism specialist teacher session (working on helping her reintegrate into lessons) another morning.

I am massively grateful that the school has never made a squeak about her attendance in terms of sanctions. All her absence has been authorised on mental health grounds. For a long time she’s been some variety of reduced timetable and able to arrive late. When I hear about the appalling attitude of some schools on this stuff I despair.

UndertheCedartree · 22/09/2024 09:28

Tessiebear2023 · 22/09/2024 08:56

I was in a very similar position with my two eldest son's primary school, I had never made a complaint, but they were targeting me with a malicious referral bc my dad was a governor of the school and he (unbeknownst to me) was holding the Head's feet to the fire over over staff bullying allegations. Anyway, baffled by the referral, I spoke to child services and said that I didn't understand the referral and my kids' behaviour was fine at home. They said that they would come to the school and observe my children, I said fine. Funnily enough the school then dropped the referral and nothing more was said!

I missing out a lot of details here, but basically you need to turn the tables on the school. I didn't know that my children had been maliciously referred, so I dealt with the situation as someone who was genuinely baffled and wanted to get to the bottom of my children's apparent behaviour issues at school, the child services were only too pleased to assist! Dont be scared of child services, they are genuinely there to help. The worst thing you can do in this situation is be angry and defensive, make it clear you want to work with them and just describe what's been happening. I wonder how your child's school will react if it's them getting a visit from child services?

Btw, if you're curious about how my children's story ends, the bullying Head eventually agreed to resign. The new head was great and all my kids' supposed issues at school magically resolved. I only found out about the bullying much later, my dad couldn't tell me at the time bc of confidentiality in his position (yes I was angry, but my dad has always been a dogged rule follower).

That must have been so confusing and worrying for you. I'm glad the situation was resolved.

Yes, now I can take a step back, I see the best thing is just to present CS with all my information and ask for help.

Thank you to everyone letting me vent a lot of my anger. I do find it hard to stay calm in these kind of situations, it's definitely something for me to work on.

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 22/09/2024 09:29

Lizzie67384 · 22/09/2024 08:59

Married, happy life, involved husband? Are you serious?!?!?!

I know- this baffled to me. Do I read to my child? What?

OP posts:
Lizzie67384 · 22/09/2024 09:30

UndertheCedartree · 22/09/2024 09:29

I know- this baffled to me. Do I read to my child? What?

So incredibly rude and narrow-minded - as if being married makes you an automatically better parent 🤣

Phineyj · 22/09/2024 09:35

Hi OP, I am so sorry this is happening.

I taught at a girls' grammar some years ago and now work for an inclusive comprehensive (it is genuinely inclusive).

I have been astonished by the difference in the skills and attitude of the staff and the grammar was not a bad school at all - just inexperienced in dealing with girls who didn't fit the norm. This was in large part because the intense competition for places meant they rarely met girls who didn't fit the norm (6th form was a different story).

Anyway, having recently secured an EHCP for my DD after two years of effort, I strongly suggest securing the ECHNA yourself with the support of the resources on the IPSEA website. There's also an EHCP support thread on here which I started.

Even if a school is nice and competent (frankly I have doubts about yours, but our primary was), then your child's needs are never going to be as urgent to them as to you.

Plus schools all seem to believe myths like "it's impossible to get an EHCP" (it isn't; it's just tedious); "the child has to be X years behind to get an EHCP' (not true) or we have do Y or Z before the council can assess (also not true). Plus the old Chestnut "EHCPs are only for children who are..." (how do you know what the needs are without a needs assessment?!)

I hear that you don't like conflict (I'm not desperately keen on it either) but there is no way of securing an EHCP and hopefully appropriate support at school, or a more suitable named school, without being That Parent. At least some of the time.

P.S. we were referred to social services once after an incident at holiday club and they were perfectly nice (despite my misgivings) and referred us to the local autism support charity. Which we didn't know about. When the ECHNA was done it said "Not known to social services" so it didn't "show up on our record" either.

UndertheCedartree · 22/09/2024 09:36

Warmwoolytights · 22/09/2024 09:25

@UndertheCedartree when she’s not in lessons she sits reading in the SEN centre. They have a robot camera that can be put in a lesson and she can use that to ‘be’ in the lesson without being in the classroom. She was too heightened to engage last term but is going to try this term with maths and sit with a TA next to her who can help. She gets massively anxious around maths and freezes as a result so just wasn’t able to absorb anything.

The approach now is to have removed her from all lessons she hated, so she now is only trying to go to the ones she likes. She is going to do regular maths and English in online classes either at home or at times in school she doesn’t have lessons. And she will only be in school 2.5 days a week. She has CAMHS therapy one morning and an autism specialist teacher session (working on helping her reintegrate into lessons) another morning.

I am massively grateful that the school has never made a squeak about her attendance in terms of sanctions. All her absence has been authorised on mental health grounds. For a long time she’s been some variety of reduced timetable and able to arrive late. When I hear about the appalling attitude of some schools on this stuff I despair.

That sounds really good and the kind of thing that would help DD.

Her school are basically saying she must go to lessons (that's what children in a mainstream school do) and if she can't go to class after 15 minutes then she has to sit in reception with me.

DD's school is marking all her absence as unauthorised. Seems like just another way to 'get' at me.

OP posts:
NoEscapingMe · 22/09/2024 09:40

UndertheCedartree · 20/09/2024 22:19

So they don't have to spend money on providing her with the support she needs and/or don't have to admit to disability discrimination.

I know 3 other parents with ASD DC in the same year (Y8) at different schools. None of them are in school anymore. It is very common to be off rolled.

More common than many would.like to admit. I would speak with all the professionals involved with your DD and inform them of the schools tactics. I would also request a discussion with an education welfare officer at your local authority. It's absolutely scandalous.

Warmwoolytights · 22/09/2024 09:43

@UndertheCedartree and how is any of that helping your daughter? It’s ridiculous. I’m so angry on your (and her) behalf.

Our school has even decided to bin some of her core curriculum subjects as they just want to get her back in learning anything, even if it’s not what the government says she has to do. The SENCO said he’s going to be in big trouble for it but it needs to be done and he’s prepared to do it. I probably don’t need to say that we’ve never discussed any of this with the Head or anyone outside the SEN team other than her head of year and pastoral lead. I do think we all suspect the EHCP conclusion will be that she needs different provision and we are just trying to get her there in a way that keeps her happiest for now and not at home in her bedroom all day. She says she just wants to be normal but can’t bear school.

UndertheCedartree · 22/09/2024 09:43

Phineyj · 22/09/2024 09:35

Hi OP, I am so sorry this is happening.

I taught at a girls' grammar some years ago and now work for an inclusive comprehensive (it is genuinely inclusive).

I have been astonished by the difference in the skills and attitude of the staff and the grammar was not a bad school at all - just inexperienced in dealing with girls who didn't fit the norm. This was in large part because the intense competition for places meant they rarely met girls who didn't fit the norm (6th form was a different story).

Anyway, having recently secured an EHCP for my DD after two years of effort, I strongly suggest securing the ECHNA yourself with the support of the resources on the IPSEA website. There's also an EHCP support thread on here which I started.

Even if a school is nice and competent (frankly I have doubts about yours, but our primary was), then your child's needs are never going to be as urgent to them as to you.

Plus schools all seem to believe myths like "it's impossible to get an EHCP" (it isn't; it's just tedious); "the child has to be X years behind to get an EHCP' (not true) or we have do Y or Z before the council can assess (also not true). Plus the old Chestnut "EHCPs are only for children who are..." (how do you know what the needs are without a needs assessment?!)

I hear that you don't like conflict (I'm not desperately keen on it either) but there is no way of securing an EHCP and hopefully appropriate support at school, or a more suitable named school, without being That Parent. At least some of the time.

P.S. we were referred to social services once after an incident at holiday club and they were perfectly nice (despite my misgivings) and referred us to the local autism support charity. Which we didn't know about. When the ECHNA was done it said "Not known to social services" so it didn't "show up on our record" either.

Yes, I have come to that conclusion that you have no choice but to be 'that parent.' Which is so against my nature. When I'm criticised for taking up too much of everyone's time, unreasonable for sending too many emails, I apparently make 'daily demands', it really hurts me. It was a real character assassination.

I have applied for an EHCNA which was turned down and I'm appealing.

OP posts:
Phineyj · 22/09/2024 09:47

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66bf300da44f1c4c23e5bd1b/Working_together_to_improve_school_attendance_-_August_2024.pdf

Hi OP, here's the latest DfES guidance. Read pages 23 and 24. Your school does not appear to be complying with it.

The website "Not Fine in School" may have other useful resources for you.

Phineyj · 22/09/2024 09:50

Oh that's good about the appeal. We got our needs assessment after an appeal. Had to appeal again to force them to issue sadly.

Not sure who I'm quoting here, but:

Those who matter don't mind
Those who mind don't matter

Courage.

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