Mum drinking at pick up

[Cybertron]

After school pick up at 3.15pm a lot of us take our kids to the local park. The kids play on the playground and we sit under benches by the trees. I chat to the mums that are there and have done for a couple of years but I am not close to any of them. Today one mum was chatting to me and she reeked of booze. She told me that she had filled her water bottle with white wine and laughed saying it was the only way to get through the day. She then continued to drink the wine. Her kids are under 10. Should I say or do something or is this ok?
AIBU: leave it she deserves to unwind
YABU: drinking like that with kids is not ok

@ReadingInTheRain583 I'm sorry for what you've been through.

Mumsnet really is a different world. It's not unusual at all for me and my son's classmates parents to have a beer or wine in the park on a sunny Friday afternoon after school pick up while they play. Sometimes I take a wine in my contigo cup as it keeps it nice and cold! I've even done this with a gin and tonic once. And I've definitely decanted wine into a plastic bottle before if I've not wanted to take the whole bottle - though to be fair I can't remember if I've done this for after school socialising.

Of course if people are concerned about alcoholism they should do something to protect any children involved. But in this case I would need a hell of a lot more evidence.

I can safely say, I never did that, nor did any other parent to my knowledge.

In fairness, most of our primary school parents were driving.

School won't do anything, noone will. Noone has the time, die to much more serious concerns.

Mumsnet threshold for reporting stuff is insane.

Due, not die 🤣

It may be a one off and she may have genuinely been joking. Don’t turn her and her families life upside down over one incident when nobody was harmed.

If you notice something again then this changes things as it could be a cry for help.

At my DSs school a mum had to be removed from a 9 am class assembly for being too drunk to sit upright. She had driven her son to school. He was taken into care that day and was subsequently fostered.

I'm not saying it's typical for parents everywhere. I'm saying that there are clearly parent groups where it is normal. Ours is a very small school where everyone lives in walking distance and that has a beautiful park and playground right opposite, so we always hang out there on a Friday after pick up. On long summer afternoons we'll often bring picnic bits and a couple of drinks.

So if it's common for us it might be common among other parent groups.

There's usually drinks at kids birthday parties too if they're in the afternoon. I do agree FYI that it's problematic how drinking is so ingrained in UK culture! But as of now I'm still participating fairly regularly.

I never did that and I did (to my now great regret) use to drink a fair bit when my child was young but only when I had put them to bed. Sometimes it was only the thought of finally sitting down after a 12 hour day on my own caring for a small child that got me through. It blurred the edges at a tough time in my life but I never drank while they were awake and active.

I know, vodka is sooo much better😜

I can safely say I never did that either and as far as I know, I don't know anyone else who did.

I actually think sitting around drinking in a park looks horrible anyway.

As a parent whose exh did this I was grateful (if mortified) when the school approached me about it. Both DCs teachers had reported him smelling of booze at drop off & pick up. I made other arrangements from that day on. Been divorced for years!

Of course if this is regular/ person is driving it needs to be reported to school.

Agree with this, don’t report it, but keep an eye on the situation

I am quite surprised by this thread and don’t see it as ‘normal’ as that’s not the type of drinking I grew up with.

I think the UK’s reputation as boozy is quite right. Sunny hot weather = must have a drink. I do think a good time generally here is associated with drinking and that’s quite clear from some posts on here! I just don’t get the need to have a drink after picking your kids up it would never occur to me.

Not judging just observing, I would say it is deffo embedded in our culture.

There’s actually a bar at our local park, it’s in the Bowling Green and throughout the summer there are weekend and evening family events where it’s always open. And by evening I mean after 4pm so just after pick up time.

Drinking wine with friends in the park is not strange. Drinking wine on your own with a group of mums you are not close to is very odd. I would be concerned.

OP, you do not have to make a judgement regarding this parents relationship with alcohol but this is a big red flag for a potential safeguarding issue. Report this to Children's Services and let them investigate and decide .

I wouldn’t report yet. Since she is open about it, ask questions and go from there.

Her being open about it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a problem. She could consider it normal with the whole mummy and wine ridiculousness peddled.

.

I like a drink on a regular basis ( beer only) and have drank during the day with my kids if out for lunch or an event. However I would never drink alcohol in a park with my kids and certainly not from a water bottle.

One of the mums at my DDs football club is an alcoholic. She always has a bottle of "water" vodka with her. Stinks of alcohol. She has been reported numerous times and nothing ever happens. The manager has repeatedly taken her keys of her when she has tried to drive her DD home drunk. She cleans herself up for a little while but soon falls back to drinking in public. Its very sad to look at her. Her DD is a beautiful, caring, talented girl but I worry about her.

For those saying don't report consider this as a hypothetical post .
" I was concerned about a parents drinking but wasn't sure how serious it was or if it was my place to intervene or discuss it with her . Now the parent has injured her child while intoxicated. Do you think I did the right thing in ignoring it ? .
40 years of working with children in heathcare has taught me the hypothetical scenario above happens more frequently than you could imagine .

This 👆🏼. Report to the school confidentially. They will know what to do with it - there may already be concerns. Otherwise they'll just file it for future reference. Don't ignore it.

But she hasn't done anything against the law. I don't see the difference in her doing this, once, and having a few glasses at home in the evening. It doesn't necessarily mean she has a problem

But everyone reports over every little thing real cases where the time and money should be going will slip through the net. Plus reporting a mother has huge consequences

My experience has taught me that not reporting has significant consequences. In almost all cases where children have come to harm someone will have had concerns but have been scared of or dissuaded from raising them .