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Original poster

I’ve never lived alone

120 replies

Cantbearsedbaking · 19/09/2024 22:43

I’m 46, lived at home until 23, when I went to live abroad with Dh, lived with him since.
Is this a bit pathetic?
I worry in the future if I ever had to live alone, I’d find it hard, I don’t even like when he’s away, although it’s been easier since I had my Dd

OP posts:
UnctuousUnicorns · 20/09/2024 00:55

Me neither, and I'm 54. Parental home to uni halls, then student flats/residences, back to parents' home, then moved in with now DH when I was 26, and lived with him ever since, having three DC together. Tbh, now I think about it, I don't think I've ever even spent a single night anywhere on my own. 🤷‍♀️

HaddyAbrams · 20/09/2024 01:01

I've never lived alone, but was the only adult for years. Which in the practical changing lightbulbs sense is the same.

Zoflorabore · 20/09/2024 01:09

I’m 46 to op and have never lived alone ( although I fantasise about it a lot sometimes ha! ) and it’s more normal than you think.

my dc are both autistic and what would be regarded as “high functioning” which I know isn’t the correct term but I don’t know what is anymore and my eldest who is 21 said that he can’t wait to get his own place when he’s a bit older but my youngest who is 13 said she is NEVER leaving home so I’m stuck with her. She’s a sweetheart and wants us to be crazy cat ladies.

i actually don’t know many people who’ve lived totally alone now come to think of it.

GiddyRobin · 20/09/2024 01:14

I don't think it's pathetic, there are lots of people who haven't lived alone.

I did, and it had its pros and cons. Nice to have my own space for the first time, and do things my way. A learning curve, sorting bills and doing housework without anyone to tell me to like at home.

But I didn't like the night times and felt paranoid. I'm deadly scared of spiders and hated dealing with them, silly as it sounds. I like my own company but I like to have the option to have it, if that makes sense? It's nice to know there's someone there even if I'm in my office working on a project and DH is in another room reading.

All in all, it was useful. It's a good exercise in learning to sit with your own company, but then it's not something I'd choose again. I don't necessarily feel like it's had a huge impact on my life and I'm sure I'd have learned about bills and housework in a houseshare or living with a boyfriend.

This is all a bit rambly, but what I think I'm trying to say is it's not a big deal!

spikeandbuffy · 20/09/2024 01:21

I'm the opposite! I've never lived with anyone else (apart from as a child/teenager obviously)

3LittlePiggs · 20/09/2024 06:41

I've lived alone for 20 years, I like it.

You'd adjust if you found yourself in that situation OP, don't overthink it.

Ginmonkeyagain · 20/09/2024 07:21

I've never loved alone - went from living with parents to university halls, 12 years flat shating in London and then moved in with Mr Monkey.

I am totally capable though and have dealt with everything from horrible landlords, floods, boiler breakdowns, late bills, break ins, house buying, horrible neighbours, finding tradesmen etc..

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 20/09/2024 07:31

I'm the opposite. After my ex left when I was pregnant, it was just DD and me for 25 years. I wouldn't have moved anyone in until she moved out and, when she did, I found that I enjoy living alone and cannot imagine living with anyone ever again. It's certainly not pathetic not to have lived alone - my mother was married for 66 years, widowed at 87 and even now, at 94, I know she doesn't enjoy it but equally doesn't want to move.

CalmConfident · 20/09/2024 07:45

I loved my time living alone. I bought my first house and the feeling when I knew I was the only one that had a key was awesome. I ended up having a lodger later to help pay the bills, but those early days were fabulous.

my busy family house is great, but I still long for a cute flat that is mine only

CanYouHearThatNoise · 20/09/2024 07:48

I'm 65.
Left home at 20 to move in with BF - who then became my husband. Still together. I've never lived alone.

biscuitandcake · 20/09/2024 07:49

Cantbearsedbaking · 19/09/2024 23:32

@YankSplaining No, just assumed majority had lived alone and not moved from parents to Dp. Quite surprised many haven’t either

Most people, even if they had long periods single, will have had flatmates then etc. I would have loved to live alone when younger, but I would never have been able to afford it. I do think maintaining friendships, knowing how to do stuff (some couples get so specialised one half wont know how to turn the oven on and the other won't know what bank they use) is important. But I don't think you are unusual or pathetic.

goestheweasel · 20/09/2024 07:50

I haven't either, uni was the closest but shared a kitchen of course. Cant say I've ever given it any thought, I mum sure lots of people haven't, financially doesn't really make sense especially when younger. I have plenty of time on my own and I like the people I live with (considering I chose to marry him!) so it's all good!

devildeepbluesea · 20/09/2024 07:51

You have my sympathy. Living alone is fantastic. As much as I love it when DD is with me, I love my own space just as much when she’s with her dad.

Rocknrollstar · 20/09/2024 08:16

I’m perfectly happy with my own company and have travelled on my own but have never lived on my own. In fact, I have never even had my own bedroom as I shared with my DS and left home to live with DH. I really enjoy a room of my own when I travel. I’m certainly not incapable (as Ilovesooty describes).

Incakewetrust · 20/09/2024 08:17

I've lived alone and honestly you adapt really quickly. I found the first week particularly was a shock to the system and then after that I was fine!

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 20/09/2024 08:24

I lived alone after university & loved it, moved in with my partner, left 10 years later & gradually worked my way up through lodging & renting to being able to afford my own flat.

The joy when I finally had my own front door was overwhelming. I love hosting friends but I’m never going to live with anyone else again except my cat.

AlwaysKindaKnewYoudBeTheDeathOfMe · 20/09/2024 08:27

Neither have I, and I wish I had.

If I ever get the chance it won't come at no cost, given that I'm married...

Wish I'd don't it through choice when I was younger. I would love to do it now tbh.

Hopingforno2in2024 · 20/09/2024 08:33

I have never lived alone either and am not a fan of being alone at night. I lived at home, then lived in student accommodation, then a shared house and then with DH.

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 20/09/2024 08:41

I think living alone is bloody wonderful if you're doing it because you want to. It’s a basic for my mental health.

Otherwise it’s a whole other matter.

Anoisagusaris · 20/09/2024 09:03

Cantbearsedbaking · 19/09/2024 23:32

@YankSplaining No, just assumed majority had lived alone and not moved from parents to Dp. Quite surprised many haven’t either

People could have lived with flat mates after leaving home.

Anoisagusaris · 20/09/2024 09:06

i actually don’t think of any of my friends lived alone after uni - too expensive in Ireland even back then. Unless they stayed living with parents until they had been working for a good few years and could buy somewhere.

StrongAutumn · 20/09/2024 09:07

Not have I.

Lived in hall/ house-shares at university and then moved straight in with my boyfriend, now husband of 34 years.

It's not pathetic. For all millennia human beings have lived within a family set-up - either their family of origin or the family they make with their spouse.

Don't fret about something that may never happen ❤️

Spectre8 · 20/09/2024 09:13

A friend just going through a divorce and they had never lived alone and it was a real eye opener how much she just couldn't cope over the smallest things it was a bit pathetic in my eyes .. e.g.sorting out bills or how to get the Internet connected.

So if you want prepare yourself for just in case then know what bills you have to pay, how to pay them, how to do basic things like set up Internet, how to look up new deals and pick best one for your bills. How to budget your money as you won't have so much so what are you going to stop doing as you can't afford it.

There is a level of mental resilience people.loving alone have built up over the years with regards to be able to make your own decisions, shouldering the burden of those decisions e.g. if you get it wrong. Everything is on you. Yes you can have friends and family who can be supportive but ultimately it's on you.

Then the other aspect is how to fill your time so if you already have your own hobbies good but if you don't then you need to get some or be prepared to otherwise you will find the time lonely.

Butterflyfern · 20/09/2024 09:13

Cantbearsedbaking · 19/09/2024 23:17

@NashvilleQueen I can’t do any of those things either

But that doesn't mean you can't start!

If you're worried about how you will cope practically if you end up alone, then you can start expanding your skill set now. Honestly, once you've done a few things you didn't think you could do, you realise that most things are doable with a bit of confidence and Google.

And the best bit is, at the moment, if it all goes wrong, you'll have the person you live with there to help you fix it!

ObscureGrape · 20/09/2024 09:17

Spectre8 · 20/09/2024 09:13

A friend just going through a divorce and they had never lived alone and it was a real eye opener how much she just couldn't cope over the smallest things it was a bit pathetic in my eyes .. e.g.sorting out bills or how to get the Internet connected.

So if you want prepare yourself for just in case then know what bills you have to pay, how to pay them, how to do basic things like set up Internet, how to look up new deals and pick best one for your bills. How to budget your money as you won't have so much so what are you going to stop doing as you can't afford it.

There is a level of mental resilience people.loving alone have built up over the years with regards to be able to make your own decisions, shouldering the burden of those decisions e.g. if you get it wrong. Everything is on you. Yes you can have friends and family who can be supportive but ultimately it's on you.

Then the other aspect is how to fill your time so if you already have your own hobbies good but if you don't then you need to get some or be prepared to otherwise you will find the time lonely.

That’s quite weird. Surely, even if she lived with a partner from the moment she left her parents’ house, unless she’s spectacularly helpless, she was paying some of the bills, or doing things like arranging an internet connection?