To feel frustrated by the tone of responses on Mumsnet?

[TipsyDuck]

I’ve noticed that posts on this platform often receive harsh or dismissive responses, especially when someone raises a genuine concern or asks a straightforward question. It seems like there’s a tendency for some users to be overly critical, which can be quite discouraging.

I’ve experienced this myself with a post from a while ago, where I received a lot of negative feedback early on. This made me question whether engaging on this platform is worth it. Even though balanced comments might come in later, the initial harshness can have a lasting impact.

AIBU to think that this response culture might deter people from participating openly? Has anyone else observed this trend or felt similarly?

I suspect the really nasty posters are sad individuals with a lot of pent-up frustration, though. I imagine them hunched over their keyboards, just waiting for an OP, licking their lips and typing a horrible, mean reply for their best thrill of the day.

Yes, I do think some people can be mean on this forum, but I am absolutely flabbergasted when I read people asking some really stupid questions that I don’t understand why are you even saying it like why talk about some of the stuff you can sort it out yourself what do you want from us? I don’t understand some people and some people must have very charming lives because the stuff that they bother about is shit.

Eh, it’s often subjective. I’ve seen several posters cry bully/harsh etc about pp and I have disagreed with it.

It’s also slightly different if posted on AIBU.

Ultimately, I’m not a fan of the tone police.

You are being ironic...aren't you?

I always promise myself I won't start threads on MN as I always regret it. The responses are always so negative and rude, and I've only ever asked really straightforward questions

So you think a vulnerable woman who is being abused deserves a harsh response?

Well apparently I'm a raving psychopath I've been told yesterday 😂 all for the heinous crime of being terrified of spiders and hoovering them up. I think some people just love getting on their high horses and as it's anonymous they know they won't have any comeback

But don't those 'daft' questions just get very few responses? That's what I've noticed. No need for nastiness - if the question irritates you, just ignore it.

It very much depends on where you ask a question. If you post in AIBU (or to a certain extent Chat, Relationships or the Dog House), chances are that responses may well be on the robust side.

Yes absolutely all the time, in the last day or so there was a unnecessary negative pile on for a OP who was genuinely upset about something important to her.

I think the first few comments can set a precedent.

And it's actually a fairly small crew of persistently aggressive numpties. Now this forum's so big and we namechange more often, relationships feel less personal. That works to the advantage of bad actors who come here specifically to spark arguments, as they go unrecognised from thread to thread.

On the surface I agree with you. What I've noticed recently is OPs can be disingenuous at best lie in their posts, then when found out call everyone a bully. They then begin another OP slightly tweeking the last one (they're easily recogniseable ), fruitlessly searching for someone to agree with them.
Advanced search can also be enlightening. There's a post today on wanting a second child with a partner who wanted neither of the first two pregnancies. She's angry with anyone suggesting a second DC with this partner might not be the brightest idea.

The harsh, nasty responses will never stop as long as people are allowed to name change.

And name changing will always be a thing on MN for obvious reasons.

It's so easy to be a dick (within talk guidelines) in one user name and as nice as pie in another.

YANBU

There is a difference between being blunt and direct and being rude or dismissive.

Some people need to learn it.

A bit of empathy never hurts.

This used to be the case.

Unfortunately I don't believe it is true any longer and I think the MODS should be doing better

This is hilarious, given the subject!

My reply was deliberately harsh (rude and sweary) to a GENRE of posters, one of whom I quoted as an example of "Mr Manners" #BeKind tone police 😂

I repeat, take your kindness policing to TwitteX and see what good it does.

Definitely, it's almost guaranteed that the OP will be knee jerk criticised for their behaviours. Some people just genuinely like an argument. Check out any local FB community group, it's all the same ilk.

That was on another level - one question about spiders and all of a sudden you’re a psychopath! Glad you’ve kept your sense of humour about it…💐

Yes it’s full of arseholes who take pleasure in being superior and nasty to other people. Presumably they have something missing in their own lives to feel the need to behave like that but it really does drag the site down.
I used to use the money threads a lot which were fab but found straying anywhere else so negative. I rarely visit the forum now for this reason. It’s a shame because there is some great advice and really helpful threads.
I can never work out if the horrid posters are the kind of people in real life who would never say a thing and are just silently seething then letting it all out online or the type who openly “just tell it how it is” and everyone knows they are a twat!

I think it's the only way! Some people display the most extraordinarily angry responses, laughing is often the best response! 😂

Agree.
Have seen many replies implying they think they are morally superior.
Many a bitchy comment.
I thought it was meant to be a supportive kind forum!

This. Especially don't put your thread in AIBU unless you are ready to be told in no uncertain terms that YABU and be aware that posters may pick up on elements of BU other than the one you asked about!

Actually I’d like to caveat my earlier YANBU by saying: there are a few posters who deliberately post something judgey, goady or frankly nasty. Those posters deserve a takedown.

There's a whole spectrum of women on here. A lot of them are horrible.

out of interest why is namechanging so easily a 'thing' on MN, do you/anyone know? Has enforcing 1 UN per email address ever been considered? It's the norm in other forums like reddit, and when leaving comments on newspaper articles etc.

I know you could still log in with different email addresses but it would be more of a faff.

OP - yes some responses are harsh and tbh I've been guilty of it myself - less to the original posters than to subsequent posters who clearly haven't bothered reading the OP. It really, really winds me up, probably more than it should. I find it so annoying but also so arrogant - as though they are so eager to input their amazing wisdom they don't even bother to properly read the question they are answering. So I probably have been unnecessarily sarky.

One thing that isn't as common as a few years ago (or at least I haven't noticed it as much) is people commenting just to correct the OP's spelling or grammar, with nothing else. There was a spate where that happened all the time, and it was very unnecessary, particularly when it was on posts that were about distressing or emotive subjects.