Friends Husband sending Me MSG - what to do?

[Coffeeforthee]

My Friend is through a Hobby I do 3x a Week.
She doesn't drive so her DH drops her off and collects, I've met him during these occasions over 3 Years, we've also been at the same social events through the Hobby. I would say I'm relatively close to my friend, outside of Hobby we text a few times a week and have had occasional Girls Lunches together too. I've spoken to her DH plenty of times but only polite chit chat, I wouldn't consider him a Friend. My DH hasn't clicked with him on the occasions they've met either, no bad feelings just very different people.
Now the aibu - Friend obviously goes home and talks to her DH about things we've spoken about when meeting up, all fine, I do the same.
But 3 times now her DH has then sent me a text message about those conversations, for instance, I discussed my Dds current issue at College - he text me and asked about it.
AIBU to think this is a little strange, or is he just trying to make Friends?! I haven't replied, just ignored the messages so far

Me too, disappointed now.

It is a bit odd, maybe he's nosey. My DP wants to know the far end of a fart about everything. If I mention something to him (never confidential stuff) but "Sarah says they're thinking of growing they're own veg" I'll get asked 5 questions that I can't answer cos I'm not nosey enough to ask wvery minuet detail 😂 he's just a nosey bugger but wouldn't dream of texting her to ask, he'll ask me to ask next time I see her.

My friend’s partner is just like this. It’s like he thinks any friend of hers is also his.

I find it very controlling that she can’t have friendships which don’t involve him.

Our friendship predates their relationship by decades, so I ignore his messages and hope he’ll give up.

He’s repeatedly sent you three messages that you have repeatedly ignored? That is so weird.
If someone ignores one message you don’t send two more!! He’s either completely socially inept or he’s trying it on.

I think it's weird AF and I dont get people saying it's normal. Its not. You've met him very casually and you didnt deliberately give him your number, nor are you friends with him. It's also weird that he's texting you very random things that you haven't personally discussed with him!

Definitely ignore. This is brewing to become something very destructive and could blow up in your face if you reply. What's even weirder is that he's done it twice more after you not responding the first time- who does that after getting no response the first time?!

I think I'd also be a bit careful what I shared with her too- she's clearly telling him every tiny detail about your life that you tell her.

I agree with PP, he's angling to start conversations with you. If you respond, my guess is it will become sexual very quickly as he clearly doesnt respect your boundaries (because he keeps on doing it despite no response from you)

If be telling my friend to tell him to stop and also telling her not to discuss our private discussions with him I'd also tell my husband

He is trying to start a dialogue in the hope it goes in a different direction eventually. Had it happen to me but this was in my pre MN days and I naively thought he was being friendly. First compliments then edgy compliments (bet you get a lot of male attention in that outfit you wore the other day) then it definitely ramped up. I said I didnt like it and he didnt stop so I told my friend and showed her the messages. She blamed me for trying to "steal" her husband and never spoke to me again. He is well know for the amount of affairs he has had in the years since but they are still together

Yup- happened to me too. I replied very grey rock responses out of politeness and I didnt want to be "arrogant" in thinking he fancied me. He did. The messages soon started pushing boundaries and then became suggestive and sexual. It was awful. My friend got super angry and ghosted me (still with him I believe) even though I had done nothing whatsoever to encourage him. I sometimes wonder about her and whether she's finally cottoned on to him being a colossal perv and wonder how many other friends she has lost because of him. I hope one day she has the strength to dump him.

You'd keep on doing it even if they didnt reply? (which would indicate they clearly dont want to text with you) 🤔

I'd ask her in non confrontational way 'why's your DH messaging me about conversations we've had, bit weird!'

And just leave that hanging and see what she says.

Yeah but your message communications probably broadly aligns with your in-person communications... So it's not out of step then.
This guy is on a 'surface level polite' footing, and then is being conversational over text... That's the part that doesn't fit.

I don't think a message from another DH in general is a bad thing, however I would get annoyed if stuff I had talked about with his wife was being followed up on by him. It's just nosey - also it highlights that they have been discussing what you said between them which is fine but you don't have to make it obvious!

It's odd.

You could just ask him outright why he’s messaging you. Then you’d know.

He’s letting you know that anything you talk about to your friend comes back to him.

You’re not friends. There is no reason for him message you about a conversation he wasn’t party to.

He’s either trying to get close to you. Or he’s sending a message not to get too close. Neither is good.

He's trying to be friendly imo.

The only way to know is to reply. It's only sinister when it's sinister, but go with your gut.

Oh. Not Chinese food-related, then.

Glad it’s not just Me bothered by this!

This is a really WEIRD thread! A man is talking to you, therefore he's a threat! What century are we in again?

Ignore. He’s an opportunist

I don't think it's weird, just friendly but I'm gay so might not read it the same way.
Do you think he's just a bit bored and under-stimulated? It's the sort of thing I'd do if I was a bit bored in an ADHD sort of way

Weird, inappropriate and he's testing your boundaries/interest.

I have longstanding friends whose husbands are kind of secondary friends iyswim - e.g. we might all spend the evening together, or they might both invite me to lunch or dinner, but the wife is my primary friend and the one I spend one-to-one time with, and even with them I would find direct contact from the husband odd and concerning, unless there was a specific reason. I assume a certain amount of pillow talk goes on but to be approached direct about things I'd discussed with my actual friend would be out of order and in my world would not happen. Not to say "men and women can't be friends" but that's not the situation here.

Make sure everyone knows. Sunlight is the best disinfectant.

It's weird and wrong. He's not your friend so he shouldn't be contacting you privately about any matter. Probably trying it on..no harm, just ignore.

Have you thought about replying and cc’ing your friend in?
Keep it very brief and functional.
Yes Dave, I did mention to Laura that dd is interested in Pershing a career in ballet.

Then leave it and hopefully it will stop.
If she gets arsey with you then there is your answer, he is doing behind her back with bad intentions.

Block him, he's trouble.

He’s on a fishing expedition to see if you bite.
He has zero respect for his wife or her friendship with you.
Predictably, if you bring it up with her, she will probably go cold on you, and not him.
Block him, and then decide how important this friend is to you. If you want to hang on to her, leave it at that. Continue your friendship with her and ignore the fact he exists apart from basic pleasantries when you meet him.
If you involve your own DH then again there could be choppy waters ahead. I’d be inclined to tell him, though.

Screenshot the messages and block. Say nothing but tell your DH and show him the messages and block and delete in front of him