Friends Husband sending Me MSG - what to do?

[Coffeeforthee]

My Friend is through a Hobby I do 3x a Week.
She doesn't drive so her DH drops her off and collects, I've met him during these occasions over 3 Years, we've also been at the same social events through the Hobby. I would say I'm relatively close to my friend, outside of Hobby we text a few times a week and have had occasional Girls Lunches together too. I've spoken to her DH plenty of times but only polite chit chat, I wouldn't consider him a Friend. My DH hasn't clicked with him on the occasions they've met either, no bad feelings just very different people.
Now the aibu - Friend obviously goes home and talks to her DH about things we've spoken about when meeting up, all fine, I do the same.
But 3 times now her DH has then sent me a text message about those conversations, for instance, I discussed my Dds current issue at College - he text me and asked about it.
AIBU to think this is a little strange, or is he just trying to make Friends?! I haven't replied, just ignored the messages so far

He fancies you - does his wife know how often he messages you?

I think the PPs suggestion is great.

Innocently ask your friend if her DH managed to find the info about the college that he text you about.

Then she is aware and you have shown you have nothing to hide. I suspect he's testing the waters and does indeed fancy you.

You're doing the right thing ignoring him.

Chancer!

I doubt that, yes she knows, and absolute shocker, I've even been over their house while my friend is out and met up with the kids without his wife.

I really don't get what the big deal is.

I guess if he does it to all his friends so it’s the same treatment it would be innocent, it depends on the situation - how long you’ve known each other, do you socialise all together regularly etc? Does he message your other half? Does she?

My OH never texts anyone 🤣 we hang out together around once a month. From what I gather most of his close friends are female so presume so. Him and my husband have socialised together once or twice.

Maybe I don't find this kind of thing weird because most of my closest friends are male, I can promise you they don't all fancy me either.

Am I though only one who finds the idea of what appears to be an adult human female who can go out/have hobbies/lunch out - gets 'dropped off and picked at yours ' by her DH like some kind of 13 year old. ? That's straight out of the 1950s !

Tell her to learn to drive (unless she has uncontrolled epilepsy or partial sight which I doubt from your description of her activities) then you will never have to deal with or see him again.

the next time you see them both together - I would say to him sorry I keep meaning to reply to your message the answer is X...so she knows he has texted you and he knows you want his wife to know about it

I was wondering if she's German.

Through bad experiences, I would now treat this with suspicion and yes, find it weird. More often than not, men (including married ones) have disappointed me by trying it on when I thought we were mates or I thought it was innocent when it was not.

Unless you desperately want to be mates with him, protect your friendship and your mate and your sanity and ignore.

I think it's weird. If I had a friend with an issue that I told my husband about and my husband thought he could help I would either convey the information, or I would say to my friend "my husband might be able to help you with this do you want him to contact you?"

Or alternatively you turn his texts into a group chat with his wife/your friend. Then it flushes him out if she doesn't know without you having to explain why he's texting you and it keeps you looking whiter than white. Just keep it light.

This would really annoy me - seems like a total overstep as your conversation was with your friend, not her partner.

I would bring it up with the friend and mention you find it rather intrusive.

Depending what time he messaged us maybe you could reply by saying that you asked your DH and he thinks the answer is..... and that he says "hi", by the way.

That might get over any awkwardness of not replying but stop him from getting flirty with you if that is the long game.

There is no need for him to message you privately.

Any questions about something in your life would be facilitated through his wife.

'Derek has asked me if he can borrow your super duper lawnmower as he's thinking of getting one.'

'Derek wants to go and see XXX film at the cinema and I told him you'd seen it. Is it any good?'

That kind of thing.

Derek is trying to establish a rapport with you and most likely it's behind his wife's back.

😂

Next time you see your friend I'd go with "Oh, Derek messaged the other day and I forgot to reply" then get her to pass on the answer to whatever he's asked. This doesn't assume he's definitely being dodgy but, if he is, it lets him know you're not interested in secret chats.

I've been naive with men who I thought wouldn't be trying it on (partner's friends, my friend's husbands etc) sending messages, thinking they were clearly just being friendly.
Every time a man who I didn't know all that well got in touch for a separate 'friendly' chat for no good reason it led to them trying to flirt. I'm much more wary now!

Forward his messages to his wife?

I'd definitely ignore.

I've been in a similar situation and I think if you tell the wife there's a good chance she'll cool off the friendship with you if she isn't aware he's doing it (which is highly likely). If it was me I would block his number, deny all knowledge and stay right out of it - if he or she ever mentions it I would just play dumb and say something vague like "oh I always block numbers I don't recognise" and if he persisted I would just say "thanks but I'm not a huge fan of texting/social media but anything I need to know just get friends name to pass it on." Then avoid him. He should get the message but it won't affect your friendship.

Creepy AND inappropriate. I would ask friend if she wouldn’t mind deleting your number from his phone.

Opened this thread expecting it to be about Monosodium glutamate.

Am I the only one who thought that the DH was sending the OP monosodium glutamate?

Ew that’s weird. Direct messages with other peoples partners is something to be very careful with, it’s touchy ground for a lot of people. I can’t see that there’s an easy way to mention it to your friend, without a potentially awkward conversation.
You’ve absolutely done the right thing by ignoring the messages completely, if she ever looked at his phone she would just see a list of messages from him to you with no engagement at all from your side.
if it’s really bothering you, block or archive him - I doubt he will ask her what’s up with your phone.

We have group whatsapp for friends groups, would be highly inappropriate to message partners wives individually.

Same here!! 🤣