To ask if you have this view?

[LeopardPrint12]

Got chatting to a family friend yesterday evening and she said "Anna (Her 34 year old DD ) works part time but then she has got Gregory (Her partner) so she doesn't really need to work so much."
They have no kids this couple. I wouldn't want this for my hypothetical adult DD although I expect to be flamed here for saying that

If she’s financially independent, no problem, but if she couldn’t mange financially on her own, I’d be suggesting she look for full time work.

Definitely not financially independent.

How part time though?

I worked 30 hours for several years, 7 less than the full time hours in my office.
When you took into account less tax etc, the difference wasn't really that much. Absolutely worth not having to work Fridays.
If they are happy with the arrangements that's up to them

There's more to life than working. If her and her DP are happy with this and managing financially then I see no problem.

About 10 hours, definitely not more than 15 and on minimum wage.

No, I wouldn't ever want that for my dd. My dsis and I were taught by our SAHP mum to do everything possible to ensure that we were financially independent. I'm grateful to her for that perspective.

You wouldn't want your daughter to be able to work part time?

I work part time. It's great! More time to do things that aren't work.

I get that there's more to life then working but a single woman would be judged for doing that and now in 2024, it seems an outdated idea that the man provides for the woman. Especially with no kids involved.

Assuming she has no hidden health difficulties or caring situations I think it’s pretty bloody weird for a grown adult to only work 10 hours a week. What if he leaves her? What about her pension?

I can’t imagine wanting this for any of my children.

No, not in her thirties when she doesn't have children and isn't married. She has absolutely no financial security and little chance of getting a good job if the relationship ended.

I think women should be encouraged to be financially independent, at least before they are married, and preferably afterwards, too.

I'd be concerned with this due to them being unmarried but I think once married it would be fine. If he can earn enough to keep them both and she is solely responsible for the upkeep of the house it means they'll have evenings and weekends free to do what they want.

I wouldn't want her to be entirely dependent on a partner, no. Working 10 hours a week is also very different to working 25 or more. I wouldn't want my DD sitting at home waiting for the partner to come home and living that kind of lifestyle.

Is her Gregory happy supporting her? Why aren’t they married?

Some women don’t like other women having it easier, that’s what I think. They prove their worth to each other by being the most busy / stressed / put upon.

Hyper-independence is overrated. I have learnt this the hard way and I am not so judgy of other people's choices now. Interdependence is much more healthy, so if this works for them, I don't see the issue.

Personally, I wish for happiness, creativity, love and community for my DC. It sounds hippy dippy, because capitalism has convinced us that is.

She needs to play the film to the end.

As it is, she's working part time. That means she'll be picking up housework when he's working. It means she can't be on the mortgage because she doesn't earn enough. It means that in ten years' time he can kick her out and she's left with a few hours a week at work, no career, no house or car (as that would have to be in his name, too). She wouldn't have savings, either, because she wouldn't earn enough.

Some men love this kind of situation. I'd be very wary of that kind of man.

People can be both financially independent and work part time. I'm one.

Op didn't mention that she wasn't financially independent in her opening post.

I absolutely would not want this for DD. Financial security and independence are so important and not planning for the future is a massive mistake. this is why I was not a SAHM and continued to work FT with my children, as my independence and pension are so very important to me. The thought of relying on my DH for money is grim, but I know a lot of people will disagree with me and are happy without their own incomes/pension plans and thats absolutely fine but I am raising my children to think about the future not just right now.

I wouldn't want this for my DD if she's not married as she'd have no protection. If she is married, and she's happy and he's happy, I guess fine. Although I'd probaby be disappointed. I know my Dad was very disappointed with the dd of a family friend who was a doctor, and as soon as she had children she stopped working completely. he couldn't understand why someone would spend that long studying, work that hard, and then give it all up after just a few years. It felt like a waste to him. I get that.

I don't see why you'd get flamed. It's not sensible for an adult person to rely for their financial safety on another person in this way, if it's avoidable. She's in a tricky position if they were to split, or if he was unable to work for long periods or worse, die unexpectedly. She also presumably isn't paying much into her own pension. Unless she's working in a rare field where she can increase her hours immediately to full time if she needed to. But that wouldn't address the pension issue, or the current lack of ability to have access to a decent wage.

I work part time but am disabled so not the same. Though I am childfree I would want any daughter of mine to do what made her happy. I would advise her of the risks and suggest marriage as protection, but beyond that it is her life to live.

Why would you assume though she is sitting at home waiting for him. She might have friends or hobbies etc? There is far more to life than work.

I think it’s ultimately a sexist set-up which perpetuates stereotypical social attitudes about men and women, including the ideas that men should provide and women take care of the home. Few people would say a man was lucky and didn't need to work much because his female partner had a good salary (indeed, on MN he’d be called a cocklodging user!)

As long as they're a happy couple then it's their lives - not yours.
Why do people care so much how other people live their lives? Does it affect you in anyway? No.

There is nothing wrong with working part time at all. But I would be concerned for my dd if this meant that she couldn't support herself financially and had to depend on a man. I want her to have the freedom that comes with knowing that you can stand on your own two feet.