To ask if you have this view?

[LeopardPrint12]

Got chatting to a family friend yesterday evening and she said "Anna (Her 34 year old DD ) works part time but then she has got Gregory (Her partner) so she doesn't really need to work so much."
They have no kids this couple. I wouldn't want this for my hypothetical adult DD although I expect to be flamed here for saying that

Nothing wrong with working part time if it earns you enough to cover your expenses. What is wrong is thinking that having a partner is a reason not to work, or to work less! That’s ridiculous. If her part time wage isn’t enough to survive on her own she needs to work more.

If everyone is happy it’s no one else’s business

I agree I would not want my daughter (or son) to be financially dependent on somebody else in any context.

But equally if she could support herself on part time hours and wage then I would think that's ok. More time to get a work life balance.

I'm depressed by the idea that we all have to live our lives that the worst will happen, constantly thinking "what if he leaves her?"

I don't think that's healthy at all.

10-15 hours a week on minimum wage?

If that was my DD I would ask her to take a look at her aspirations in life and would suggest that financial independence is definitely something to aim for.

All the PP saying this is fine and dandy. Would you say the same if it was the other way round?

I also think parents are far too invested in "what they want for their children" all based around material things rather than emotional.

It has nothing to do with material stuff as far as I'm concerned. I honestly don't care about what kind of lifestyle my dd chooses. For me, it's all about freedom, independence and self confidence.

Well if that covers emotional aspirations @MrsBennetsPoorNerves we're on the same page. 👍

I think it’s a foolish position to put yourself in. If she isn’t building a career/getting experience at 34 she will have nothing to fall back on if Gregory can no longer support her (which could be due to a change in circumstances, forgetting about a change of heart).

If she doesn’t have anything stopping her working (e.g., kids/a disability/other commitments such as being a carer) it just seems lazy to be honest.

Well at 34 and not married she has very little security. No pension to speak of on that income , does she even get her NI paid? presumably no equity in a home of her own .

So no, I definitely would not want that for a Dd or Ds of mine.

No - if we are healthy and capable then my view is we have a civic duty to work and pay our taxes. There needs to be more people who make a net contribution so when people say "well if it works for them" I don't agree.

I’m sure people judge me as well. I work part-time as that is all that I am capable of, as I have ASD (and suspected ADHD), with quite bad social anxiety and anxiety in general. I don’t run around telling people all of this about me because it’s personal, so I guess they think I’m lazy or some other negative view. I probably present very ‘normal’ on the outside because I try very hard to appear that way so I don’t get judged, but it’s exhausting. The point is, you don’t always know what is going on behind the scenes.

I think the only "emotional aspirations" that I have for my dd are that she is happy, fulfilled and surrounded by people she loves and is loved by. I am not sure that her decisions about work necessarily impact on that, though of course, they might.

Maybe she is just an idiot or lazy. I don’t know where women find men to ‘keep them’.

Gosh, what a pitiable world view. That’s your ‘dream’???

You can be added onto the mortgage as a low earner or not even earning at all though so that won't make a difference (In response to the poster saying she wasn't earning enough to put her name down on it )

I didn’t work before we had children and it was the best time, moved for dh work and left my job. Now I am financially free and never did go back to work. My caveat is however I would only do it if married.

Except if she's happy living that lifestyle then fine. My DD is very ambitious so I can't imagine her doing that unless quite a bit older and with kids. Even then I don't think she would. I became a SAHM in my 40s after I had kids but I was married and my husband earned 20 times what I did and we discussed it all.

Yes @ASphinx my dream is to not be doing it all on my own and burning out. Because I do, do it all now. I have 4 kids, a partner and we have 4 businesses jointly owned.

If I could take a step back, I would! I'm tired and burnt out. Not to mention life admin on top.

Women are sold a lie that we can have it all. I don't believe we can without it taking a huge toll on our health.

She is a kept woman. Very different to a wife. I hope she realises that.

is there a law that says that once you are an adult you must work full time if you don't have kids?

i went part time when my children were born and have never returned to full time work and have absolutely no intention of doing so!

Unfortunately record levels of people are leaving the workforce. To get the all important growth the economy needs we need people returning to work.

I dont really get hot and bothered about things that dont personally affect or impact me, especially other peoples finances and how they live. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

What would be so strange about that? Is it really so unthinkable that the woman might work more and earn more, while the man works fewer hours and brings in less?

Agree with the ‘how pt?’ question- 15 hours is very different to 35!!