To ask if you have this view?

[LeopardPrint12]

Got chatting to a family friend yesterday evening and she said "Anna (Her 34 year old DD ) works part time but then she has got Gregory (Her partner) so she doesn't really need to work so much."
They have no kids this couple. I wouldn't want this for my hypothetical adult DD although I expect to be flamed here for saying that

It's nice currently. But what about her pension? What if their relationship breaks down? It wouldn't be for me, I need to know I could support my kids on my own if the worse happens. How many threads do we read where a poster can't afford to get their own property and are 'stuck' living with a partner because they work part time?

I don't think it's ever a good idea to be financially dependant on a partner. I've seen too many women screwed over to think it's a good idea unless you've got legal protections in place.

The friend mentioned she is at home a lot waiting for him to finish working.
It's just interesting as she isn't the first person that has said similar to me about this kind of set up. Almost like you have 'made it' and can now sit back and relax now you have a man to look after you. I'm just surprised that in this day and age, people still think like that.

Would you want your daughter working full time while her partner worked 10 hours a week and was supported by her?

Or would you think he was taking the piss a little bit? I think we can safely assume he'd be called a cocklodger on here.

I'd imagine you can set up your own pension or pay into one. Would be wise to in this scenario I would think....

I would view myself as a failure as a parent if my dd isn’t financially independent as an adult. It is the number 1 lesson I have taught her. I put all my energy as a parent into making sure she is getting a good education to facilitate this. It is the best defense against prolonged abuse for herself and if she wants to have children for them as well.

the freedom that comes with knowing that you can stand on your own two feet.

This. Exactly this

Wot @MrsBennetsPoorNerves said.

Why would you not want that for your DD, friend or sibling. Much, much better life if you choose to be with someone rather than need them to put a roof over your head and food on the table, especially in the absence of any parental responsibilities.

If anyone wonders why so many posters report that their so called DH or DP does not do their share of the household chores, look no further than the 'he earns enough so I don't have to' camp.

Having been a sahm who gave up her corporate career to let her H (ex) excel in his career path whilst I raised the children I'd strongly advise against it. I was fortunate to step straight back into my field and build up my career again after the discovery of his affairs. My one and only advice to any woman is earn your own money and have a secure bank account no one knows about. I know this person doesn't have children but only having a minimum wage pt job isn't ideal at that age.

I don't think it is that, it just isn't a good work ethic and at the age no DC, no marriage, I wouldn't want my DD in that domestic set up as it appears very vulnerable and unfulfilling.

That's not the initial question that was asked though - which is the one I was responding too. The fairly significant drip-feed came after that.

It’s depressing that in 2024 being in a relationship with a man is considered reason enough to not bother too much with pesky work.

Do we imagine Gregory’s mum is bustling about telling people that Gregory is naturally contemplating going PT, because, after all, he has Anna and ‘doesn’t need to work so much’?

Why would it be considered normal for an able adult to be supported by another adult?

I only have DSs and I would hate them to have the sole financial responsibility for the couple or family in that way. The pressure to then stay in a job they may not like because it pays more, the pressure not to put a foot wrong at work (including speaking out if they saw eg sexual harassment) for fear of being fired, the worry about redundancy, the fear of getting ill and not being able to work. I mean we all have those things, but I hope my DSs' partners in life will be people who want those to be shared burdens and responsibilities.

(Fully recognise that this means I also need to bring up DSs who know how to cook, clean, do laundry, etc and understand it is as much their job as the job as the job of any partner they have!)

I don't dislike it on a general level - I have no issue with people doing whatever they want when it comes to their finances and work.

But I wouldn't want to be in the position of either of the people in the couple in the OP, and wouldn't want that for my child either.

And it's nothing to do with sex, or disliking women having it easier. If the sexes in the OP were reversed, or it was a gay couple, my view would be the same. It's not what I'd want.

No. Way.
Every woman should be able to support herself.
Sick of seeing these post where women don't work, work a few hours, get stuck and have no way of supporting themselves or leaving if things go tits up.

The only problem I see is her financial security and pension, and that's her/their business to deal with.

When both partners work full-time, there's a fair amount of chores and admin to be shared, and that eats into evening and weekend time together.

I sometimes work part-time and when I do, I pick up much more of the shopping, cooking and cleaning. It means that my partner and I can spend our entire weekend out climbing, hiking or simply resting if we need to. Works for both of us.

Eh? That's a good set up. Especially if kids are in the cards! And if not, I wouldn't be surprised if she does the lion share of the house work. So seems fair to me! In this day and age that's the dream.

She's in work, so if she finds herself needing more hours, it's still possible!

Strange thread!

And what happens when/if he leaves her? She'll have no money and won't be able to support herself. Doubly fucked if she's not married. Mothers who encourage their daughters to bludge off a man are irresponsible idiots. This site is flooded with women whose partner left them and they are fucked and on the poverty line. This is 2024, when will women wake up? Work full time! And get married, or don't move in together.

Bless you, my sweet innocent child.

@MounjaroUser patronising much? I'm 32 with a partner, 4 kids and I have 4 businesses... if she needs to work more she will. Have a bit more faith in people.

YANBU. If Gregory should decide to finish with her, ask her to leave, have an affair, leave her, hit her. Anne is potentially pretty fucked.

Only difficult possibly if she wants to leave him down the line.

So long as she isn't claiming benefits then there is nothing wrong with it.
Because she is part time now doesn't mean she can't go full time if the need arose.
Those talking of financial independence in terms of would she be fine on her own - Many people that work full time could not afford to live on their wage alone.

The thing is..... when I was single I worked full time but pretty much on minimum wage. I could pay rent/bills etc but lived month to month.
So I wasn't exactly financially "independent" even though I worked full time.

Agree with you totally. What a ridiculous thing to say.

Depends how good a pension you're going to need