To think that DH is in the wrong here?

[1014intheAM]

We have a 6 year old, who does swimming & football (one is a weekday evening the other a weekday morning).

He does reading club on day after school & then is in afterschool club Mon-Thurs.

He has said he would like to try another sport (specifically) & DH has said no more clubs.

It's just laziness on DH's part in my opinion. I do 90% of the club taking already, sort out homework, reading, spellings etc.

DH is a good dad generally but it seems like he doesn't value education for our 6 year old (weird as he has a teen from a previous relationship & always made time to sit and read/encouraged clubs etc - for context they didn't stick at any and they don't do any now). I honestly think it's laziness. He's head in phone work mode all the time.

Our 6 year old lacks confidence to try new things and so him saying he wants to try something is huge (I think). Trouble is we both work full time (though DH is self employed and not 'bound' by working hours like I am working hybrid) so whilst I could mostly make it work it would need support from DH on the odd occasion I can't.

Our 6 year old also doesn't love school and so I'm really keen to help him find something he's passionate about!

So I guess the the question is - WIBU:

Me, 6 year old does enough and kids can't do every club they ask for
DH, 6 year old should be encouraged to try new things and we should make it work

Why has he said no? Is it cost?
if a child has expressed an interest in something it’s good to encourage it

It does sound like he's doing quite a bit already, does he have much time to just chill? We both work FT and eldest is 6 with a few hobbies, I wouldn't want to add much more to her calendar.

It’s hard to tell from the post if it is a lazy DH, but could you drop another less favoured activity to take this one up?

@BarbaraHoward yeah ideally I'd like to drop one after school club and replace with the sport hes expressed interest in as the after school club is just babysitting really, snacks, drawing, films etc.

Could he be worried about DS becoming overscheduled?

If that's doable logistically then I think that's fine. It's hard to schedule stuff during the day when you're working though.

@DadJoke football no as it's very social most of his classmates go, swimming only once he is a better swimmer and the afterschool / reading club is for childcare purposes around work so it's difficult!

If i could make it work with work I could ideally drop an after school club on one day.

Issue is DH just doesn't want to take him, and sees after school club as just part of the day and so even dropping say a monday he wouldnt want to do the extra club still.

Depends on the reason. Would another club be too expensive? Is your DS getting too tired with all his clubs that the teachers say he isn't focusing properly at school?

Hes doing loads already

Is it an after school club where they facilitate the children attending school clubs? So he could go to (e.g.) dance at school in lieu of some of his after school club time. That might be a good compromise. I do think your DS already does a lot of things for a 6 year old (I appreciate a lot of it is for childcare purposes, but it's still more tiring than sitting about at home), so I'd be wary of introducing too much.

But agree with PPs, that it depends why DH has said "no".

He can't give a reason when I ask him - honestly I think it's mostly about extra responsibility. He wants him in after school club everyday even on days he can be picked up early cos of work.

I think he's quite highly strung these days and so doesn't really pull his weight with 6 year old.

@Scallopp he is out the house a lot you're right, I guess I feel resentful of the after school club 'wasted' time as he's not learning anything there/not productive if you see what I mean?

@redskydarknight I don't think there's many clubs in the school - it's quite a small school

It really does sound like you have a DH problem.

So it’s a logistic reason. You’re saying that dh doesn’t want go straight from work to pick up dc to take him to the new club?

Will this mean dh having to arrange to leave work early? Maybe he likes a bit a bit of time to decompress before picking dc up?

He’s been learning all day. It’s ok to just play and relax.

How much downtime does your child get? They don’t need to be learning all the time. Afterschool club is for childcare it’s not an extension of the school day

He's 6, what he needs most is time with his parents.

@redtrain123 fair point. Maybe we can try this new sport informally at the park at a weekend or something first instead of committing to another activity.

My DP is a bit like this if I try to get him to step up more when I say I am really busy with F/T work and facilitating DC clubs/activities. He just says well we could use afterschool club more and then you could work longer days and it would be fine. Which it would be but I don't want them to drop stuff (swimming, one other hobby on a weekday plus now one weekend morning of something they asked to do) that they enjoy/useful skill (happy for the swimming to drop once they are safe in the water). He even agrees when he goes to watch them at activities how good it is for them. I don't even want him to do it all the time but just occasionally or to pick up something else at home that I don't have time for (I already do more than 50% so not asking much). Sorry that has turned into a rant about me but I think YANBU - I think if they have asked it is great to let them try something

@Summerhillsquare I'm very careful at giving lots of 1-1 time in the evenings and weekends :)

@Mandylovescandy 100% understand.

Even homework - I don't think DH has done it even once!

I think this could be a bit of both of you being wrong.

Your son is 6. He doesn’t need to be productive all the time.

Your husband may just not want to take him. Or he may not believe the same thing you do that a child’s time always needs to be productive or it’s wasted and doesn’t really know how to verbalise that.

If that’s the case he doesn’t really see the issue with after school club. Where you at coming at it as though after school club is a problem to solve

He’s six, some days should just be hanging around in after school. It doesn’t sound like you want him to have much time to do a bit of ‘mindless activities’ during the week, but school is still quite new and a long day of learning at this age. Build up to several extra curricular over time, in my opinion swimming, football, reading club and being at school after hours is enough every week at this age.

Thats not to say your husband isn’t pulling his weight or engaging enough with what your son needs . That is a different issue.

@SwiftiesVSLestat I think it's probably a bit of both you're right.

I have been worried about DS recently as he really doesn't enjoy school, struggles a little socially & so I suppose I'm just keen to help him find something he loves and excels at.

I need to maybe stop my own anxiety around it a bit.