To think that DH is in the wrong here?

[1014intheAM]

We have a 6 year old, who does swimming & football (one is a weekday evening the other a weekday morning).

He does reading club on day after school & then is in afterschool club Mon-Thurs.

He has said he would like to try another sport (specifically) & DH has said no more clubs.

It's just laziness on DH's part in my opinion. I do 90% of the club taking already, sort out homework, reading, spellings etc.

DH is a good dad generally but it seems like he doesn't value education for our 6 year old (weird as he has a teen from a previous relationship & always made time to sit and read/encouraged clubs etc - for context they didn't stick at any and they don't do any now). I honestly think it's laziness. He's head in phone work mode all the time.

Our 6 year old lacks confidence to try new things and so him saying he wants to try something is huge (I think). Trouble is we both work full time (though DH is self employed and not 'bound' by working hours like I am working hybrid) so whilst I could mostly make it work it would need support from DH on the odd occasion I can't.

Our 6 year old also doesn't love school and so I'm really keen to help him find something he's passionate about!

So I guess the the question is - WIBU:

Me, 6 year old does enough and kids can't do every club they ask for
DH, 6 year old should be encouraged to try new things and we should make it work

Yes but however the wrap around care is worded, it's still not an extra curricular activity. The OP said her husband includes this as one of the child's activities and why he is saying no

I understand why you're feeling guilty, OP. We seem to be surrounded by 6 year olds getting another belt in karate and levels of swimming. It feels like every other parent is doing it, when I think it's healthier to let children play with some blocks and crayons at this age. Ultimately it's up to you, what you feel is best for your child, but I get why your DH is hesitant. Please don't feel like you're failing your child though!! You are clearly very conscientious and caring.

It's an activity that the child is engaged in, that will be tiring for them. It's not the same as being able to go home and relax. It's also time that cant be spent on quality time with the family or doing homework, for example, so those things have to be done on top.

Example:
Child A goes to after school club until 6pm every day and then does an extra-curricular activity from 6.30-7.30 2 nights a week.

Child B goes home straight after school and does an extra-curricular activity from 6.30-7.30, 2 nights a week.

Do you see no difference in the impact on the child?

@sunsetsandboardwalks reading club and afterschool club i dont see as 'clubs' - reading is at lunchime and afterschool is childcare. So I see it as he does 2? Swimming and football?

@YellowphantGrey it may not be an activity in the sense of organised sport or music, but it still makes the school day pretty long for a six year old, especially when they attend everyday.

Then add football, swimming and reading
and that's a lot of time out of the house and in organised childcare or sports.

At six I wouldn't be adding anything else to a schedule like that, not unless one of the other activities could be moved to a weekend or something.

Thank you @FondOfOwls - comparison is the thief of joy they say!! I need to not look at what some others are doing for sure.

There are two separate issues here.
One is whether your child has enough time at home to chill out and do whatever they want in an unstructured way and whether another club might be too much. Your idea to drop one of the after school club evenings is a good idea. Don't overschedule your child.

DH is a separate issue. When I read your OP I thought he wasn't being lazy, just concerned about potentially overscheduling a 6-year old, but then I read the rest of your posts and a picture of a lazy DH who doesn't pull his weight and will do anything for an easier life emerges. He could pick the child up from school instead of after school club and he could take the child to one or more of his clubs but he can't be arsed.
He really needs to get his head out of his phone and start doing things to support you and his child.

@sunsetsandboardwalks I understand, and feel very guily about that as I can't do anything about it at the moment. I need to work = he needs to go to afterschool club. That shouldn't impact his opportunities elsewhere though

Of course it's still a club - it may not be one dedicated to a specific sport or activity, but it still takes them out of the house and lengthens their day at school.

I remember being in after school club everyday and it was tiring - it's not the same as just chilling out at home.

Also if reading club takes over his break time then I wouldn't be encouraging that either - at six he should be outside and playing and running about, not sitting in a classroom with a teacher.

@WandaFishy99 I do sympathise and it sounds like he should be encouraged to join anything he fancies then he'll learn how to make friends and interact with others.
Not sure what to suggest about DH though. I hope your DS grows up healthy and happy. He's already struck gold with a mum like you.

I see the difference, I'm not as stupid as your implying

However the afterschool club is a necessity. If the husband is that concerned about his child being exhausted, has he looked at rearranging his working hours so his child can rest at home?

Why do parents suddenly decide their child is exhausted when it comes to doing something for them and allowing them to try a new activity? These are the same parents that then complain their child has no interests

Also, no one has mentioned the child in this op being tired, it's more that the Dad considers the childcare an activity rather than a necessity

@WandaFishy99 ahh that's made me tearful thank you! Parenting is so hard at times isn't it just wanting the best for our babies.

@sunsetsandboardwalks reading club was to catch him up a little & he also wanted to do it but I would happily drop that if and when he wanted to :)

I think at age 6 he's doing enough already. If he wasn't doing afterschool club 4 days a week then he probably would have more time. Is he not already shattered?

@iwfja yes he does but I'm not sure how to make it happen - he is just not receptive when I raise it with him

@stanleypops66 he's ok in the week, tired if we do too much at weekends so we tend to dedicate as much time as possible then to chill time. I can't do anything about the afterschool club, I need to work.

My mother put me in so many clubs I started to feel she didn't want me around.
As I got older it was still the same.
Some I like others not so much.
If I wasn't in clubs I was with my nan or a sitter i felt wanted with nan and could just chill and do my own thing and have someone around I knew that wanted to spend time with me.
Im not close to my mother at all and now I'm old I can see why.
She tried to keep me so busy I wouldn't notice her not being there.
My nan was my mum and very missed.

@1014intheAM

So I guess the the question is - WIBU:

Me, 6 year old does enough and kids can't do every club they ask for
DH, 6 year old should be encouraged to try new things and we should make it work

Is the summary at the bottom of your post the opposite way round to what you've described?

FWIW I think he's probably doing enough already - they're quite short days at that age when they are in bed early anyway - so whichever of you said that, I agree with.

@Missflowerpots that's sad - & seems very similar to how my DH parents tbh :(

Sending hugs - your nan sounds like a wonderful lady!

@CagneyAndLazy no - maybe I've worded it badly haha - I'm unreasonable (6 year old does enough) DH is (encourage DS to try things)

It might be me misreading it - I'm tired!

Looks like I agree with you, anyway. 😂

At 6 my ds was doing gymnastics, swimming, beavers and judo (twice a werk). He had loads of energy and also plenty of downtime but he loved all of his activities. Granted, he never did afterschool club.

This 💯

From DS’s perspective, imagine sorting his activities into ‘obligatory’ and ‘for fun’.
4 x after school club
1 x lunchtime reading club
1 x swimming
1 x football
? requested new sport

Yes he has 7 activities, which is a lot, but I would say 6 of those are obligatory. (After school club x 4, reading club to improve his reading which he struggles with & swimming to learn to swim for safety reasons).
Sounds to me like football is the only activity truly ‘for fun’. DS has requested a new sport, which would take him to 2 ‘for fun’ activities & 6 ‘obligatory’ activities. This is a lot, but I strongly believe he should be encouraged as much as possible with the ‘for fun’ activities and I think this could have a lot of positive benefits for him, both now and in his future. So I advocate reducing the ‘obligatory’ activities where possible (probably after school club) to make room in his schedule for the fun activities.

To quote Wanda Fishy “he’s already struck gold with a mum like you” - agreed! Don’t minimise the positive impact you have on him!

I suspect he's so tired at the weekends because of how full-on his weeks are.

I totally appreciate you can't help working but I do think that means he can't do loads of activities at this stage unless they're instead of what he does already.