To think that DH is in the wrong here?

[1014intheAM]

We have a 6 year old, who does swimming & football (one is a weekday evening the other a weekday morning).

He does reading club on day after school & then is in afterschool club Mon-Thurs.

He has said he would like to try another sport (specifically) & DH has said no more clubs.

It's just laziness on DH's part in my opinion. I do 90% of the club taking already, sort out homework, reading, spellings etc.

DH is a good dad generally but it seems like he doesn't value education for our 6 year old (weird as he has a teen from a previous relationship & always made time to sit and read/encouraged clubs etc - for context they didn't stick at any and they don't do any now). I honestly think it's laziness. He's head in phone work mode all the time.

Our 6 year old lacks confidence to try new things and so him saying he wants to try something is huge (I think). Trouble is we both work full time (though DH is self employed and not 'bound' by working hours like I am working hybrid) so whilst I could mostly make it work it would need support from DH on the odd occasion I can't.

Our 6 year old also doesn't love school and so I'm really keen to help him find something he's passionate about!

So I guess the the question is - WIBU:

Me, 6 year old does enough and kids can't do every club they ask for
DH, 6 year old should be encouraged to try new things and we should make it work

Hes 6 years old why does he always need to be learning? He's socialising, it's still productive.

Your son is busy all week so I can see why your Dh has said no more clubs. Whether your Dh is not pulling his weight as a parent or not is a different issue

@LostTheMarble you're right I should separate the 2 things into separate issues.

There's also no rush, my work situ could change in the future and he can always pick up new clubs then I guess, he is still only little.

Why does it have to be productive it is a child you are speaking of not a robot?

@Edingril It doesn't have to be productive I meant more as afterschool club is chilled time not a 'club' per se - so I don't see it as one of his 'activities' if that makes sense, definitely didn't word it well. More so that I didn't want him being in after school club to stop him having the opportunity for other stuff if he's expressed an interest.

Makes me feel guilty for working full time if he misses out because of it!

YANBU. I get the impression that your DS is not an overly confident little boy and if I was in your shoes (which I was!) I would encourage any interest and DH should understand it's important to make DS feel he will be taken seriously if he wants to try something new. I know it's not always possible to let them try everything, due to costs, time, etc., but at least you can discuss it with him.
Reading club sounds like an extension of school so if he tries another club out of school, he will potentially meet new people and build up his confidence.
My DS was a quiet, sweet little boy but he liked sport and we let him try a few throughout his childhood.
You DH needs to realise that his boy is more important than his phone and these early years are priceless.

I’d want him to do the club and I agree you have a husband problem. I don’t think he’s doing too much as long as he’s keen. It sounds as if it would very rarely impact your husband anyway.
If it was only occasionally you couldn’t facilitate it is there anyone else who could collect him and take him? Or is there any flexibility to just use after school club on an extra day once in a while and he would have to miss his club that week?
I’m afraid I’d be very resentful if my husband refused to help.

Yeah I think it sounds like a DH problem, he should be pulling his weight more rather than you running around managing everything when you work too.

@WandaFishy99 he's not - he's struggled with friendships & having confidence to get involved more with the other children at break time etc if it's a new games he's not familiar with or something.

He also struggled with phonics (hence the reading club) which I have worked so hard with him on at home to improve his confidence and enjoyment of reading.

Call me an 'anxious mum' but I do start to worry these things will start to impact him as he gets older into his teens etc.

@blackoverbillsmothers @Button28384738 thank you. No one locally to help unfortunately but yes afterschool club would be an option if I had an unexpected work meeting or something.

Not sure how to encourage DH to pull his weight more with reading etc. It's starting to get very frustrating!

Is the weekday morning club before school or at school?

I don't think he does very much at all, but I think after school club is the equivalent of pottering around at home for working parents and reading club is basically homework.

He should definitely try the new sport, especially if he has shown as interest. I think these interests enrich family time, rather than detract from it. Now my children are a bit older, tone way we hang out is going to play tennis or badminton together and when they were younger, they would go to the clubs and I would watch and then we'd practice at home. This was engaging with them and their interests, it isn't outsourcing them.

I think your husband just can't be bothered. You said he did clubs, homework with his older child from a previous relationship and now with your 6 year old he does nothing. Leaves him in after school club until you finish work as he can't be bothered parenting. He's probably thinking I've been there done that and can't be bothered doing it again.

Sounds way overscheduled for a 6 year old, but I know I'm in minority. My DC, also 6, only does 2 activities per week. I know several children her age doing 5 per week. They seem very stressed to me.
Let your child have a break. School days are long as it is.

@LadyQuackBeth yes that's what I think too! Especially as when he was little we couldn't get him into anything he just wouldn't do it - he's only recently started swimming as he was too scared to do it before now so his confidence is coming on but I definitely think we should run with any interest he expresses at the moment.

@SUPerSaver721 he was bragging the other day about all the stuff his oldest knew before preschool (maths related bits he'd taught) I just said ours is 6 and you've never taught them a thing!!

@FondOfOwls I completely understand and agree, I just feel guily that after school club is taking away from other options due to work I guess

Your DH sounds crap. The question is, what can you do about it? Do you help him with anything, like laundry etc, that you could stop doing to have more time to take DS?

I would be telling DH in no uncertain terms that he’s being a sh1t sad and needs to put more effort in. Poor DS. Definitely do what you can to encourage his interests - I appreciated it so much when my parents did the same for me.

@Feelinadequate23 I do most things lol... he sorts the dog & will do a school run if I ask. Might even load the dishwasher with a push but mostly everything falls on me. It worked when I was part time but I went back full time early this year and he hasn't changed his behaviour and doesn't listen when I try and explain that things have changed!

I'd really like to go back part time to be honest, probably wouldn't have done full time if I'd know 1. he wouldn't pull his weight and 2. it would end up impacted DS.

I agree, poor kid.

Threads like this absolutely fascinate me - when I was six, there's absolutely no way my parents would have been running around and taking me to multiple activities every single week, and especially not after a full day at school (plus after school club).

I honestly don't blame your DH for not wanting to add yet another extra-curricular onto your DS's schedule (or onto his, for that matter). He's six - he really doesn't need multiple activities every week - in fact, I'd say he'd benefit from some quieter evenings at home or even some play dates if possible, not yet more organised stuff.

After school club doesn't count as activity. It's rare a parent uses it for fun and the purpose of it is to facilitate working parents.

I'm surprised parents are including this as an optional extra curricular activity

He does football and swimming, let him try the new one. He could hate it or love it. I always encouraged DS to try lots of different things

But after school club is there so parents can work, it isn't an extra curricular activity

@sunsetsandboardwalks likewise, but I do wish sometimes they'd have? I'd love a hobby or sport now that I was really strong at but it's never happened.

@YellowphantGrey I agree, I feel guilty that he's in there it's just because I need to work so the poor kid comments really are quite harsh :(

@1014intheAM but your child can have a hobby or sport without being totally over scheduled.

Surely there's a middle point between doing nothing and a six year old going for four+ activities every week?

It depends. At my kids' school they have what they call 'wrap around care' which is colouring, reading, crafts etc for working parents, and then they have After School Clubs which are paid for (just a couple of quid) for things such as football club, street dance to name but a few.

I think you're putting a lot of pressure on your son expecting him to find something he 'excels' at.

Your husband seems to have zero interest in parenting a small child again. I wouldn't be switching to part time work to cover for him.