Friend constantly asking for childcare

[Megssy]

Just need a bit of a rant.

I have a very close friend and I love her dearly, but... she constantly asks for childcare favours. On the occasion I don't mind, but this is super frequent. Because basically she doesn't want to pay childcare . She doesn't just ask me... she asks the whole friendship group.

She's just asked me now if I would walk her son to school one day every week. She knows when I leave for school in the morning and I am currently on maternity leave so have no other commitments.

Aibu to say no? I have just said my 3 year old is being awkward so don't want to commit

I would start asking her if she’ll watch your kids. Everytime she asks just say “oh I was actually about to ask you if you’ll watch little eggbert”

Is it inconvenient for you to take her child to school once a week? If not then I don’t see the problem. But make sure you ask for a favour in return to relieve some of the pressures you have. Life can change in an instant and you might need people to rely on so I think it’s always good to help others if you are able to.

The comparison to her working hours and personal finances I find bizarre and irrelevant.

A friend asking you to walk her DC to school once a week as you're walking anyway doesn't seem too much of a favour to ask tbh. It's not like you're doing something you wouldn't do anyway. It wouldn't bother me a bit and I would be happy to help out. As long as you make it clear that if your DC is ill you won't be able to walk her DC obviously.

Why is it a problem for you? Do you never ask your friends to help you out? Next time it might be you needing help. I think YABU since It's just an extra child to take with you to school. As a Sahm I have been taking kids to and from school and also for whole days when school was closed. My children were happy for the company and I was happy to help out. I really don't understand your reluctance OP? Is she really a friend of yours?

So you go ahead and ask her to babysit for an evening of her choice (so she can't say no:). You seem reluctant to ask for help even though she has offered. Just do it. This is how friendship works!

Tell her to fuck off and to look after the kids she gave birth to.

She doesnt sound like a friend at all.

She does however, sound like a free-loading cunt.

You sound jealous tbh. Her mortgage shouldn't come into it.

Just say no but don't do it out of spite

I think I would say, “Sorry it’s tough enough wrangling three out of the house for the school run at the moment, especially with the baby only being four months. I don’t need any added complications on top of that.”

It sounds like she has the mentally of "Don't ask, don't get". It can get you quite far, especially if you're surrounded by people who struggle to say "No". Just decline, no explanation needed, unless you want to reciprocate at some point.

There is no way I'd commit to walking someone else's kid to school once a week. It's just so clearly not my problem. She needs to get her child to school. It's not hard. A regular commitment, yes, but isn't that what happens when you decide to have children?

Good grief no.

Of course not don't be ridiculous

You asked me last week and haven't returned the favour yet

Good Lord no I've got enough on

I've got enough on my plate

No

This is perfect I am going to practice saying “Good Lord no I’ve got enough on” until it trips off the tongue in every similar scenario 😆

‘i’m afraid that doesn’t work for me’
on repeat

I actually think the life comparison does come into it. She has help and can afford it. Different if she was a single mum working 3 jobs trying to make ends meet.

What is the 6 year old doing until they are walked to school? Who is looking after them until then? Would they be on their own until that time. Or are they also expecting you to looking after them until it's time to walk to school?

Absolutely fine to say no but personally I’d have a chat about it face to face since it’s recurrent rather than just a no on the WhatsApp group. Explain that you don’t want to find yourself in a regular commitment but happy to help in emergencies (for example).

You need to say no OP but be prepared for her not to like that. CFs always get really pissed off when someone sets a boundary.

I have a friend like this, I gave free child care for years and I just had enough in the end and never have them now and ignore any requests to look after her kids, she's much better off than me and I got fed up of struggling along while she swanned about whilst I looked after her kids. Say no

You politely say no without a reason. You don’t need an excuse. She’s a CF who sees an opportunity and thinks she will grab it.

I am always happy to help out in emergencies or one off situations and have done many times. But I don’t provide regular free childcare to save other people money.

You are on maternity leave, ask her to come one of her non working days to take care of your kids and give you rest.
Nah, honestly tell her no, you can't.

I would only do it in an emergency, or if it was being recipocated. I told a neighbour this when she was asking for help with the morning school run. She looked shocked and replied, I'm not babysitting for you! So there you go, some very stupid, lazy and selfish people about. Just don't reply to the group chat. If she messages you privately, say no I can't as my child is hard work at the moment. Never say yes again. No more Sundays too, say you've joined a club/going swimming/visiting family/finding it too much etc.

Because what happens if you DC is ill and you can't take the other. Or you are running late one morning and then DH takes them. Or you just are late full stop and then all kids are late. Or this kid isn't ready on time and the toddler is slow walking.
There's a 100 reasons why a regular arrangement is not ideal. One off is of course absolutely fine. Or even a few times but commitment every week is quite a lot

What a cf! Start saying no!

Nope, No Can Do, I'm totally overloaded.

That's all you need to say.

I only do regular favours on a reciprocal basis ( so not actually favours)- like I car pool trips to school with a neighbour so we both do 2 days a week. I’ll do one off favours and not sweat it but not regular.

If age will taje your children to school on one of her days off yes, otherwise no as having more than 3 is just too much.

Have you never asked her for childcare back?