Should I raise my child bilingually

[motherofbabydragon]

Posting here more for traffic then anything as i could really need some help. I grew up first bilingually and then picked up english once i was 8 years old going to an international school. I am fluent in all three of the languages I speak and would like DS 5 months to be fluent in one of my languages as well as english.

This is highly outing but one of the languages in Mandarin and the other German. The plan had been for me to speak to DS in mandarin and so far I have been consistent with it following the one parent one language rule. I am now questioning if this is the right choice out of multiple reasons.

It is a lot and I mean a lot of effort for me. Trying to find baby videos that are in mandarin rather then in english, especially when it comes to nursery rhymes. I don’t any longer know them in Mandarin and often find myself ending up singing the songs in english as that is the way i know them now (having worked in a nursery), so I am also having to watch these baby videos on repeat again and again until the Mandarin lyrics are imprinted in my mind over the english ones.

It’s not cheap. It’s twice the amount of books i will need to buy, twice the amount of audio books, twice the amount of movies etc everything we buy in english I will need to buy in Mandarin as well if I want him anywhere near fluent.

I speak Mandarin fluently and understand it fluently. Unfortunately when it comes to writing and reading I am basically illiterate which can make it even more tricky to source the material.

There is also another problem. One side of my family is German and I have been thinking if I should maybe speak to him in German instead. Arguments for this would be a) I can actually read and write in German, and b) my German family unlike the other side do not speak English. By not teaching him German I will essentially be cutting him off from my family. Though I do want to point out that my father and both grandparents have passed away so no close relatives that he would be missing out on.

My main concern is that he is 75% european and i worry if i do not speak to him in mandarin he will not feel very connected to his asian heritage and culture.

I am just so torn and at times do wonder if it is even worth the effort as I know realistically him speaking to me in Mandarin and being fluent rather then just replying to me in English are slim. I am fluent because my parents divorced and my mum being my primary caregiver even though I grew up in Germany meant I was in a Mandarin exclusive speaking household. This is something I won’t be able to replicate.

I do want to add DH and his family are very supportive so it’s not a lack of encouragement or support that is causing me this doubt

Yes. It sets them up and you will regret it if you don’t

Absolutely worth trying. Which language is easiest to learn as a child/young adult? How are children brought up trilingually?

It creates pathways in the brain that make it easier to learn languages in the future.

Maybe aiming for fully fluent is setting the bar unnecessarily high. Especially as you can't read it - why not just aim for speaking/listening fluency like you have?

Most native speakers I know (languages teacher) are fluent because of their mum, not their dad, so I’d say go for it. Sourcing extra material for reading/listening/watching is really key, obviously the more exposure the better. It will be a fantastic skill for your child and will help you retain your own skills.

Please please carry on. There are countless studies proving the amazing effect being raised with more than one language has on a child's brain development. And it's just going to expand their horizons culturally, educationally and in the world of work too.

I speak a minoritised language and many people don't bother passing it on to their children. I hear so many people lamenting the fact that their parents decided not to pass it on- it can be a cause of great regret later on I think.

Please do it. I beg of you, as the non-bilingual child of a non-European parent.
It's one of my parent's only regrets in raising myself and my siblings, that we didn't learn both languages.
I went to university to learn the language myself and, as a result, am the only one of us who feels connected to our heritage.

My first language is Urdu, I don’t write or read it either, I still made sure it was our childrens first language. You don’t need to buy books etc twice, just buy the mandarin versions.

German isn’t too different to English, he can always start learning that at a later date.

@Tarantella6 that is the plan but i do worry as growing up compared to my mother’s friends children I was the only one that would actually speak in Mandarin. The others for one reason or another always opted to speak in German to their parents even if both parents spoke Mandarin so I worry if it will be a case he will understand but choose to not speak it if that makes sense. In which case i do wonder if it was worth all my effort

@Simonjt we buy them so DH can read books with him too and I do want him

Yes! A million times yes! It's a gift.

It’s great if you can but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I have friends who have tried the one parent one language rule and all was ok until their children started school. The children then took a preference to English and lost their abilities to speak the other language

@CreepyDibillo i do think language is so important to feeling connected to the culture and it is the main reason i really am preserving with this. It is very hard work

Your local library could have a selection of children's books in other languages. Ours does!

@Wolfpa that is my worry. once he is older he will just default to english any when i put in so much effort.

@Tapestree the brain development is actually interesting. my cousin actually did a ted talk on speaking multiple languages and how it could potentially help with dementia

I raise(d) mine bilingually, like I was. It's just something that comes naturally, ie it doesn't require 2 sets of books etc. I speak two languages= now the kids do because they don't know any different.

@motherofbabydragon i only have anecdotal stories but it has been the problem with all of my friendships who have tried it. I think for success they need more than just one person speaking the language around them.

@Cherrysoup that is very much what I am trying to do. i am doing research if there is a way for me to get access to mandarin speaking tv channels once he is older

Yes. You need to start as soon as you can because one parent needs to speak only in one language and the other in their chosen language.

Please do persevere, your DC will be so fortunate! Growing up bilingual is such an amazing opportunity in today’s world.

3 of my cousins married German/ Dutch men. All kids are bilingual, their dads speak to them exclusively in their language. One dad is strict on the kids not responding in English. The others are not strict so the kids respond in English. However, when they go to their dad’s native country or speak with paternal relatives they are able to converse in their dad’s language. Just because your child responds in English doesn’t mean it’s all been in vain.

You also don’t need two of everything! Just have some stuff in English and some in Mandarin…

Yes, do carry on. If you wanted to introduce German you could do so at a later date by having set German days and set Mandarin days. Will you also be sending him to an international school as that might not stop him defaulting to English but he might make friends which encourages him to use their primary language for discussions.

@fatphalange so did you only have books in one language? i do worry him falling behind in english and his father not being able to do story time with him if all the books are in mandarin

@KhakiShaker that does make me feel a bit better. DH did actually suggest that perhaps I could make it a principle to only respond if he speaks in Mandarin. He is very supportive of me speaking to him in Mandarin and has actually even watched some of the baby videos with us so has been picking up the odd word

There were several bilingual Mandarin/English children at DS' nursery (and one trilingual with French too!). I think it's a great idea if you can. When your child is a bit older could you also look for a nanny who speaks Mandarin? I know several families did that too. Some of the nurseries here also have Mandarin as part of the curriculum and do activities/games/songs in Mandarin.

@mynameiscalypso having a nanny that comes a few times a week to speak to him in mandarin is actually a brilliant idea. i have thought of that potentially once he is a little bit older.

and it’s good to know some nurseries offer it so that could be one thing to keep in mind. I do know a private school near us also has a large number of mandarin speaking students so that is one thing to keep in mind when picking a school for him. thank you for the idea