Should I raise my child bilingually

[motherofbabydragon]

Posting here more for traffic then anything as i could really need some help. I grew up first bilingually and then picked up english once i was 8 years old going to an international school. I am fluent in all three of the languages I speak and would like DS 5 months to be fluent in one of my languages as well as english.

This is highly outing but one of the languages in Mandarin and the other German. The plan had been for me to speak to DS in mandarin and so far I have been consistent with it following the one parent one language rule. I am now questioning if this is the right choice out of multiple reasons.

It is a lot and I mean a lot of effort for me. Trying to find baby videos that are in mandarin rather then in english, especially when it comes to nursery rhymes. I don’t any longer know them in Mandarin and often find myself ending up singing the songs in english as that is the way i know them now (having worked in a nursery), so I am also having to watch these baby videos on repeat again and again until the Mandarin lyrics are imprinted in my mind over the english ones.

It’s not cheap. It’s twice the amount of books i will need to buy, twice the amount of audio books, twice the amount of movies etc everything we buy in english I will need to buy in Mandarin as well if I want him anywhere near fluent.

I speak Mandarin fluently and understand it fluently. Unfortunately when it comes to writing and reading I am basically illiterate which can make it even more tricky to source the material.

There is also another problem. One side of my family is German and I have been thinking if I should maybe speak to him in German instead. Arguments for this would be a) I can actually read and write in German, and b) my German family unlike the other side do not speak English. By not teaching him German I will essentially be cutting him off from my family. Though I do want to point out that my father and both grandparents have passed away so no close relatives that he would be missing out on.

My main concern is that he is 75% european and i worry if i do not speak to him in mandarin he will not feel very connected to his asian heritage and culture.

I am just so torn and at times do wonder if it is even worth the effort as I know realistically him speaking to me in Mandarin and being fluent rather then just replying to me in English are slim. I am fluent because my parents divorced and my mum being my primary caregiver even though I grew up in Germany meant I was in a Mandarin exclusive speaking household. This is something I won’t be able to replicate.

I do want to add DH and his family are very supportive so it’s not a lack of encouragement or support that is causing me this doubt

Rudely, I've not read the full thread, but there is a great organisation called bilingualism matters which has fascinating information about the benefits of being bilingual and good advice for parents.

I'd be tempted to go with German though if you can't read mandarin as the different alphabet must make that very tricky to find material. You can add mandarin later.

Go for it. Choose one (I'd say Mandarin personally because arguably that's a language that Europeans tend to find very hard). Concentrate on spoken language for now and when DC is older find a good teacher for reading and writing.

@MSLRT to me because i so rarely speak german these days i actually find it easier to talk in Mandarin. I am still fluent in German but it takes concentration and focus for me. Unfortunately because I live in England and speak in English 90% of the time other then when talking to family over video calls it has become the easiest language for me which is why I do think at least when very very very tired i find the odd English sentences slipping in here and there when talking to DC

OP, I understand how hard this must be, but please dont give up. We are a trilingual family. I am a native Mandarin speaker and my DH speaks an European language ( I wont say which because it might be outting), but between us we speak English to each other.

Since our kids were born, I have always spoken Mandarin to them and DH has spoken his language. Before going to nursery the kids were quite good at both languages. They picked up English very quickly at nursery and by primary school English became their first language. We continue to speak our native languages to them , but because we speak English to each other ( me and DH) the exposure of each lanugage isnt as strong as other famlies where both parents speak the same language. However, our kids understand both languages and can quickly learn to speak like a local whenever we spend holidays in our native countries.

Keep speaking to your son in Mandarin and.be consistent. It will be worth it. Dont worry if he replies in English, the language isnt lost, as soon as you put him in the right environment, it can be activated really qucikly.

I'd definitely keep going and agree you'd regret it later if you didn't. I'd also continue with the mandarin as like you said they're less likely to pick it up later and then introduce German when they're older. It's a wonderful gift to give a child and it's so much easier to do it when young. We do the OPOL method also and you'd be surprised how much they're absorbing just with regular daily talk. DH never sang nursery rhymes in the other language either, it was just all his spoken interaction with them is in his native language only and it was enough that they're fluent now. And I haven't ever had to buy two of each thing? We just have a selection of books in English and then some others in the other language which only DH will read to DC, so we don't double up on the same stuff. DC is older now but also any screen time they do have is always in DHs language also just because they're exposed to it less compared to their first language and it works really well for us. I'm also bilingual (different language from DH) from a young age and my mum only ever spoke to us in her language, no books, no audiobooks, no nursery rhymes and I'm still fluent. Don't sweat it too much.

Thank you for all the helpful advice and i will keep going. I just wanted to correct a little misunderstanding that I think happened in the post when i said two of everything i did not mean the same books. It’s more like if i buy x amount of books in english i will buy the same amount in mandarin etc just so he is equally exposed to both

Are there any local child group in mandarin you ca go to? I know a few people who are taking their kids bilingually and they have the chance to meet and play with other children also being raised to speak the same language

@Wigtopia i am trying to find some local group but had no luck so far but will keep digging around. i do know there is a large enough chinese speaking population in the area for there to be one.

You haven’t commented on my suggestions about Netflix dubbing or pinyin resources for you to read aloud?

Yes definately. The younger they are the more natural it is. My niece speaks three languages, her mother's native language, her father's and English. She is now 11. If she had started learning them now it would not be easy at all.

@HotCrossBunplease oh sorry I have missed that. so sorry yes the mandarin books i have read to him all have pinyin right now as it’s the only way i can read them to him.

I will check out the netflix content that is dubbed and see if there is a good selection. been on a desperate hunt to find play dates with winnie the pooh in mandarin as he absolutely LOVES the show. the way his face lights up (i think he just likes it when we bounce with tigger to be honest)

Yes!!
My late FIL (prick, but that’s for another thread) was Italian but didn’t bother teaching any of his kids the language. It seems such a shame not to.

I'd suggest carry on with OPOL Mandarin. It will be much much harder to learn later on if not. At this stage don't necessarily need to buy Mandarin books. Just show them the pictures of English stories and translate it orally into Mandarin.

Definitely don't worry about them being behind in English. If they go to nursery/school in England they'll be fluent in no time, especially if they've had English input from Dad from a young age.

For the German, once they are 4 or 5 you could introduce German as a third language. As a mfl teacher my experience is kids who've already got more than one language learn another one easily. I know kids aged 8 who are fluent in two languages and know a fair bit of two or three more. For example a family who speak Russian at home, kids went to UK school and are fluent in English, did French lessons with me, then moved to Spain and went to French language school so will by now be fairly fluent in French have a fair bit of Spanish.

You would be giving your child a tremendous gift by encouraging them to be bilingual.

At school one of my friend's mother was German and when she was small only spoke to her in German. Dad was English so only spoke in English. As a result she was fluent in both languages and took her German Alevel ( getting an A obviously) at the age of 13.
Another classmate had the same scenario but with Spanish. Her dad was Spanish, the difference was he'd never talked to her in Spanish so she spoke no more Spanish than I did. Even at the age of 12 I thought that was a wasted opportunity.
My husband and I met a couple in the canaries who owned a restaurant. She was English he was Spanish. They adopted the 1 parent 1 language scenario. When their son was 2 1/2 years his mum asked him to tell daddy dinner was ready in English. The little boy told daddy in Spanish dinner was ready, daddy said he'd be 5 minutes in Spanish and the little boy repeated that to his mum in English. The little boy did it automatically, I remember thinking what a fabulous skill he'd already learnt by 2 1/2.

Your child will find it much easier to formalize his knowledge of Mandarin later in life if he’s had a grounding in it now, so I would continue to expose him to Mandarin (and German too, if you feel like it!) I was raised bilingually, with a third language which my mum spoke to me occasionally. I can’t speak that third language fluently, but I can hold a conversation and my accent is apparently very good. I’ve also found it easy to improve my vocabulary and grammar bit by bit when I’ve had the time and inclination.

Most people who learn as adults struggle with the accent more than anything else - even really fluent speakers often never develop a totally “native” accent. By exposing your dc to Mandarin, you’ll be giving him a massive boost in that regard, especially since the sounds are comparatively hard for English speaking adults to acquire.

I wouldn’t force your son to speak in Mandarin though, or refuse to engage if he doesn’t speak it. Anything that feels like punishment is a bad idea, and will probably make him feel a bit resentful as he gets older. Instead, associate speaking Mandarin with fun things, and show your happiness when he chooses to speak it. And if he answers in English, don’t worry - he’s still using his Mandarin knowledge to have a bilingual conversation.

There’s quite a bit of research suggesting that hearing other people interacting in a language helps with acquisition. Is there any way you can connect with some other Mandarin-speaking parents who want to raise their kids bilingual? Spending time hearing adults conversing while the kids play will make sure he gets the full experience, as it were, just as he does with English when he hears his parents having conversations that don’t directly involve him. (You could also try finding some German-speaking parents to socialize with - it would be an easy way to have him pick up a bit of German without going to all the extra effort you’re going to for Mandarin.)

That also means that you don’t always need to do child-specific Mandarin content for your son. You could also have Mandarin audiobooks or radio on when the two of you are at home, or watch Mandarin TV or movies while he’s busy playing - hearing the language in the background will also help it to sink in for him, and it’s important that he doesn’t only hear “child-level” language.

Finally, get your DH involved if you can. When your son is older, it would be great to have him be his dad’s teacher for Mandarin lessons - it can help to give him a feeling of ownership over the language to be asked to help dad learn.

I think it's an amazing thing to do for a child and i think it'll get an awful lot easier when he gets to the age where he starts responding to you! no wonder it feels like an uphill struggle at 5 months, you aren't getting anything back.

When he's a toddler you might find mandarin speaking playgroups to attend with him, or even just playdates with other kids in a similar position where the mums are committed to speaking mandarin with the kids. My dh partly learned punjabi at the local gurdwara (temple) as they had classes for kids at the weekends, maybe you can find something comparable.

we are raising my child bilingual and only started at age 2, using a babysitter a couple of times a week. soon she'll be getting a full time nanny who will speak to her in our chosen language. at this age she picks it all up so quickly and it's not interfering with English at all.

Yes, I think it's really important for them to have a connect to that side of their heritage. And it sets them up so well, too. Our DCs are fluent in English and Norwegian. The plan is to move to Norway in a couple of years (we visit DH's family very regularly too), but even if we weren't we'd have done it for their own future.

I, on the other hand, need to buckle down and learn. It's so much harder as an adult.

I am naturally bilingual because of the countries I grew up in.

If you are for example Chinese living in Germany, I would bring him up speaking German and English, German as that is what he is learning growing up and will need it for school and English because that is an international language. Career-wise it can be a huge advantage.

In my son's school they had Mandarin classes for those wanting to learn.

It is definitely worth the effort!

Being bilingual or trilingual is a great thing, as you yourself know.

Keep it up, it will be among the greatest gifts you can give to your child. If you're even more ambitious, add German and your son will become trilingual!

Don't worry about his English skills. He is living in England, there is no danger of him not developing English proficiency. Depending on the input he receives (how much time your DH spends with your son, etc.), at a certain point his Mandarin may be stronger than his English. Do not under any circumstances stop speaking Mandarin to him at that point if you really want him to be bilingual. His English will almost certainly overtake Mandarin when he starts nursery or school, but again don't be discouraged or give up. These stages are predictable and familiar to multilingual families.

One of the best things you can do is to find a community of other speakers of Mandarin. If your child can make friends with other children who speak his second language, it can be extremely motivating and brilliant for his language development. And it will be great for you to have other parents who can be a source of support.

We are really lucky these days because there are so many resources available online to assist with language learning. Games, songs, TV shows, etc. I don't know of anything specifically related to Mandarin (I speak other languages at home, though I'd love to learn Mandarin someday) but I'm certain that you can find an amazing amount of material to inspire you. Later on, formal classes for literacy may be something you will want to look into since you said your own reading and writing are limited. But that can wait until your child is older.

Please do. My parents chose not to and I've been robbed of what should be my mother tongue. I can't communicate with my family (who are all in that country and only speak that language) and I feel bereft of a significant part of my identity.

I met one family where the parents' native languages were different European languages, and they were living in England. They had two nannies (on different days), one for each language, so that the children got plenty of exposure to each. I think they found it quite tough when they went to toddler groups, though, as they were getting no English at home.

I think mandarin sounds like the right decision for you. When it gets to secondary school stage, it may turn out that there's a school near you that teaches German, although they're rarer now than they used to be, and he can pick up some German then.

As you are in the envious position of being bilingual it’s a definite yes in teaching your children different languages.

My late German mother decided ( we’ve no idea why) to only speak to myself and siblings in English. Having muddled through speaking Germlish (German/English) to relatives it was a pain and totally avoidable.

I’m now 55 and learning German. Lesson to be learned, the older you get it gets harder to pick up new stuff.

I think back then they were advised it would mess with our English if they taught us both languages. I'm not bothering to learn at this time of life (I'm a bit younger than you). I've just got nothing to do with the family instead. Too big a gap for too long.