Should I raise my child bilingually

[motherofbabydragon]

Posting here more for traffic then anything as i could really need some help. I grew up first bilingually and then picked up english once i was 8 years old going to an international school. I am fluent in all three of the languages I speak and would like DS 5 months to be fluent in one of my languages as well as english.

This is highly outing but one of the languages in Mandarin and the other German. The plan had been for me to speak to DS in mandarin and so far I have been consistent with it following the one parent one language rule. I am now questioning if this is the right choice out of multiple reasons.

It is a lot and I mean a lot of effort for me. Trying to find baby videos that are in mandarin rather then in english, especially when it comes to nursery rhymes. I don’t any longer know them in Mandarin and often find myself ending up singing the songs in english as that is the way i know them now (having worked in a nursery), so I am also having to watch these baby videos on repeat again and again until the Mandarin lyrics are imprinted in my mind over the english ones.

It’s not cheap. It’s twice the amount of books i will need to buy, twice the amount of audio books, twice the amount of movies etc everything we buy in english I will need to buy in Mandarin as well if I want him anywhere near fluent.

I speak Mandarin fluently and understand it fluently. Unfortunately when it comes to writing and reading I am basically illiterate which can make it even more tricky to source the material.

There is also another problem. One side of my family is German and I have been thinking if I should maybe speak to him in German instead. Arguments for this would be a) I can actually read and write in German, and b) my German family unlike the other side do not speak English. By not teaching him German I will essentially be cutting him off from my family. Though I do want to point out that my father and both grandparents have passed away so no close relatives that he would be missing out on.

My main concern is that he is 75% european and i worry if i do not speak to him in mandarin he will not feel very connected to his asian heritage and culture.

I am just so torn and at times do wonder if it is even worth the effort as I know realistically him speaking to me in Mandarin and being fluent rather then just replying to me in English are slim. I am fluent because my parents divorced and my mum being my primary caregiver even though I grew up in Germany meant I was in a Mandarin exclusive speaking household. This is something I won’t be able to replicate.

I do want to add DH and his family are very supportive so it’s not a lack of encouragement or support that is causing me this doubt

Second the 'audiobooks' suggestion - that is, stories for your child to listen to from a device (in the olden days, we had tapes...)

Also, songs! Especially if you don't read Mandarin. One of my languages is oral only and therefore has a huge oral tradition, including songs and fairy tales. No books though. So just sing together instead of reading books together!

I'm bilingual myself and so are my children. When we lived in England, we had our other language as 'home' language and English as our 'public/company' language. Just as a suggestion different to OPOL. Now in the other country, the languages are switched - English at home, other language in public/in company.

It's easier with the first child, DC2 then never really spoke 'home language' though she did understand. Children among each other will usually default to the local language and then it becomes harder to keep up the home language.
But after we moved country, DC2 proved that the foundation was there and started speaking the language really quickly. So even if they answer back in English, it still has value.

Science on bi/multilingualism has advanced a lot recently. I believe it is no longer thought that you need to be strict and clearly separate the languages. Multilingual households frequently mix languages up, mid-conversation, mid-sentence, even mid-word! And that is ok and the kids will still be able to use each language separately and competently.
In short, don't worry too much about 'rules' - just do what works for you and feels right!

If you are interested, read up on newer science - it's fascinating, how bi/multilingual brains work. One bit that I came across that I found interesting: when a multilingual person talks to someone in a specific language (e.g. asking the shopkeeper for a loaf of bread in a bakery) the work the brain is doing, is not 'how do I say bread and loaf and please in language A' but rather the work is to suppress the same words in languages B and C. Sometimes the word leaves our mouth in the wrong language, that's not because we don't know the word for 'bread' in language A, it's because we failed (this time) to suppress the word for bread in language B.

"This is highly outing but one of the languages in Mandarin and the other German."

Of course, because there are only [checks database] three people in the world who speak Mandarin and German plus one other language in addition, so you must be one of those three. 🤔🤔🤔

My DC are half Taiwanese on their father's side, and both are fluent in Mandarin. I kept it up even after my late husband passed, which was challenging but worth it. It's a connection to the ancestral past and that side of their family and it's a useful global language.

Perhaps it's unrelated, but they both seem to learn other languages much more easily than I ever did. DD just got a 9 in GCSE French and her teacher was very surprised to learn we haven't lived in France at all since she picked things up so easily. DS is also strong in Frnch and is teaching himself Japanese for fun.

Don't worry too much about doing it perfectly. There's no harm in singing a nursery rhyme or reading a story in.English. Just keep exposure to the language consistent and natural and they will pick it up surprisingly swiftly. It's so much easier when they are young!

Bilingual family here.

The main thing I would emphasize is that what you do does not have to be perfect and your child’s fluency does not need to be perfect either. And that catching up later is fine.

If your child, at 11 or whatever, is not as fluent in Mandarin or German as you were at 11, it doesn’t mean they won’t ever be. If they have a good foundation in the language and develop an interest, they can fill in vocabulary gaps as they go along. And kids often do develop an interest in their roots and family background as they reach adolescence.

It’s possible to do two minority languages at home (Mandarin and German for you), but if you think you would find it stressful, it’s fine to stick to one. It’s also find to have one “main” minority language (perhaps Mandarin for you), and just add in the German a little bit here and there, on the understanding that he can improve later on if and when he becomes more interested in the language. Can you rope the other side of the family into helping out with the German a bit later on - have him go and stay with them etc.?

on Disney plus go to the episode of the show you want the programme and then find the audio settings options menu (looks like a little keyboard top right if in a phone, may be different on a TV). There is a Mandarin option there. I’ve checked and it is available for “Playdate with Winnie the Pooh”.

And here’s the audio menu for Peppa Pig on Netflix

Definitely Op
Such a wonderful thing to be able to speak other languages

He will it as a child but then will be forever thankful. My Mum didn't teach me her native tongue and I'm so gutted. She speaks a slavic language and I have tried to learn over the years but it's very complicated (like Mandarin!) so would have loved to know it. It also would make me feel much more attached to her country.
I few of my friends parents used to speak in a language and my friends would reply in English as children but then as adults speak in the language.
It's a big effort but well worth it.
Can you find a local Mandarin Saturday school or people with kids to hang out with so it's not just you?

You need to try to stick to it; but don’t feel bad if you can’t always,

My kids are bilingual. I try to speak my native language to them most of the time; sometimes I mix it with English as they reply to me in English and DH doesn’t speak my language so it is more tricky for me.and my brain.

If you can stick to one parent one language that would be great; but it is not always easy if you speak the home language where your child is growing up.

yes Op do teach mandarin. My dns learned a minority language from their mum, English from dad and they lived in a third country so they are now fluent in 3 languages though. Dn1 found it easy (gifted child). Dn2 didn’t speak a word until age 3 and then quickly got the hang of things.

Both the dns have absolutely no facility learning other languages though! So it isn’t always a given.

yes yes yes! My husband thankfully spoke his language to our children and while it was tiring for him, and a hassle at times, it has paid off massively. A life-changing gift to your children and really helps them connect with their cousins and relatives in a meaningful way. Multilingualism is the norm in so much of the world, I wish the UK and North America valued it in the same way as other regions.

PS a dear friend grew up with parents who spoke a Cantonese dialect - she said at the time it was "annoying" and she always answered in English - but now in middle age she says she is forever grateful to her parents for this. Her daughter now speaks the same dialect, as well as Mandarin and her Dad's language as well.

I’ve known quite a few kids brought up trilingual think french spoken by one parent, arabic by another and attending an English language school. It’s pretty common where I am.

Keep going, honestly it’s a great gift to be able to just speak a language. Learning young means accent, tone and colloquialisms come more easily as well. My own language skills are dire and I regret that my parents didn’t speak to me more in their language,

Another option with your background is to move to a Mandarin or German speaking country for primary years so they learn the culture and the language but it's not all on you. May not be possible but if it is, go for it!

I have family from Argentina that live in Wales. They raised their children speaking Spanish, the kids went to a Welsh school and they learned English by osmosis. The parents spoke to them in both Welsh and Spanish at home. None of this was an effort for the kids at all. They are fluent and can write in all three languages and this is an amazing gift to them.

They had Spanish language kiddies videos but I don't remember any Welsh ones.

Yes, definitely continue with the bilingual stuff. It will be brilliant for them. A family member did similar and their child is totally bilingual and good at other languages too. It’s much easier to learn a language as a young child.

Im not bilingual but I have worked with children who are.
In my experience children of parents who do one person one language initially have a smaller vocab in both languages than monolingual children - although this quickly corrects itself. Then after that they tend to go through a phase of favouring one language and responding to both parents in their favoured language.
I see a lot of parents give up at one of these points and regret it later when the children are no longer able to speak to their grandparents etc.

So my only advice is chill out a bit with it. You don't have to be sourcing two copies of every book and translating nursery rhymes. Make it so it's manageable for you, expect hurdles and research what to expect but definitely keep persevering with it.

Yes do it. My neighbour is Chinese and she deeply regrets not doing this. Her eldest goes to Chinese school on Sundays, but is not fluent at age 11. She wishes now she spoke only her language and her husband spoke English. She would have been fluent. Her chinese friend did this, and both her children 5 and 7 are fluent in both.

You need to do the language that comes most naturally to you. It's hard work especially in the early years and I'd say if it doesn't come naturally to you to speak it to DC then it will be hard. I tried and failed basically this is despite having a foreign language nanny too. I just didn't speak it enough for DC and although some of my family don't speak English ultimately English just ended up being the default. I wish I'd tried harder tho !

I live in a German-speaking part of Europe where mixed-nationality families are common.

There are families where one parent is, say, English and the other Dutch, Croatian, or Danish etc. and the children all speak both of their parents' languages as well as learning German at school and kindergarten and from playing with their friends. We know a number of amazing little kids aged 4 - 6 who are fluently tri-lingual and who happily chat away in whichever language is appropriate at the time depending on who else is present.

The norm over here is that children learn two foreign languages at school (usually English and French) so having a good grasp of at least one language other than German is seen as being the norm. Compare and contrast with the UK, where from personal experience I've seen people who speak a second language being looked at as though they've landed from Mars.

My dc are growing up trilingual.

Personally, I would switch to German (as his second language) given you read and write it fluently, and find some fun way to keep Mandarin in his life.

Growing up completely bilingual with a decent knowledge of a 3rd language will most likely mean he chooses to pursue fluency in Mandarin by himself.

It is what has happened with my dc. It is the most wonderful gift we can give them. Growing up monolingual, I am constantly amazed hearing my dc switch languages so effortlessly - complete with accent and mannerisms too!

Could you try to find a fluent Mandarin speaking older teenager to come a couple of times a week as a 'mother's help and play with him? Would you have the energy to learn to read more fluently alongside teaching him?

German can be added later, it is not as hard to learn German because the pronunciation is more similar to English but there will be sounds in Mandarin which English speakers just will not be able to differentiate easily so I would stick with that first.

Do it!
Both of my children are bilingual.
I put them both in a school that is exclusively in another language so they can learn.
Child 1 is in year 6 now and can read, write and speak the other language fluently and child 2 has just started full time and they are also picking up the language. They are little sponges!

Wolfpa · Yesterday 20:36

It’s great if you can but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I have friends who have tried the one parent one language rule and all was ok until their children started school. The children then took a preference to English and lost their abilities to speak the other language.

That happened with our daughter, but my wife kept speaking Russian to her; she's another who isn't great with her native language, as the Soviets discouraged languages other than Russian.

She gave her Russian language cartoons and films, which helped. When they visited her home country, our girl picked up speaking it quickly, the same when we have relatives here. We've also had 2 Ukrainian refugee families, so that's helped.

In the summer, her mother taught her the Cyrillic alphabet, only 32 letters, so much easier than Mandarin @motherofbabydragon ! It's also almost entirely phonetic.

I'd say just keep speaking Mandarin and don't worry about films, or writing. There's bound to be courses online, if you want to learn the basics. It'll be the same with nursery rhymes etc, perhaps try searching in English?

Yes speak it.

We have a Ukrainian family living near us.

Her sons picked up English within months at 7 and 10. They already had Ukrainian and Russian having spoken both at home/school.

The eldest is now in secondary school and has easily picked up the language he's learning there too.

I think the more children are use to speaking more than one language the less self conscious they feel about learning another language.

My biggest regret when I moved to the UK with my ds (we are British as is his father) is his dad had lived in European country since he was 1yo and so was fluent in both languages and spoke it to him at home.

But because I wasn't fluent and we moved back because we split up ds only has the one language - I wanted him to keep the 2 and really tried at first and regret not trying harder.