I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

Yeah this. ^ This whole thread is really weird, (and all the OP's posts are too.) I have never met a man in real life who thinks like this. They all have jobs and WANT to work.

MY DH has had 3 jobs since I met him (37-38 years ago,) and has NEVER been out of work. The longest he has been in a job is his current one - 16 years... Other 2 were 13 years and 9 years. He has had had times when he has hated his job (likes them sometimes obvs!) But he would rather stick pins in his eyes than not go out to (paid) work!

That's NOT a dig at people who are unable to work, or unable to find a job, but my DH is a 'worker' and would never have wanted to be a stay at home parent. All the men I have ever met - and am related to - are the same. The OP and his attitude is extremely odd IMO!

.

This gives me the ick

To be honest, whether you accept this or not, (and you probably won't), 90% of men that I see on MN only chime up either on a sexual thread or when there is a chance to make a comment about sex for whatever reason.

Tell me I'm wrong unfortunately.

The three course meal thing may have been a pipe dream but certainly not embarrassing - we can all fantasise at times!

Of course it’s embarrassing. You claim to know so much about children, have done loads of research and how everyone fawns all over you any time you’re in the presence of children and yet you think being a full time stay at home parent is all candle lit 3 course dinners and snogging.

You sound like a 14 year old fantasising about being a grown up.

You managed to shoe-horn sex into your OP twice.

But not all men are the same, just like not all women are desperate to be SAHM’s. Some feel the exact way your DH does.

Some men will feel like OP. Everyone is different.

But you’ve made comments about sex in your op. Do you not see your own view about women clear as day in your posts?

So anything that strays from the path in any way is odd, or sinister?

If I came on here and said I make bombs for a hobby, I'd agree with you.

Saying I want to do the very hard graft of bringing up my child, (it is work I'm afraid), I've heard more sinister things if I'm honest😂

We use one day of childcare a week, 8:50-3:30, I often compress my three days into two meaning on those weeks we don’t need any childcare. You don’t have to be senior really, my husband was two years out of his apprenticeship when he went part time when we had our daughter. Where you live also has a big impact, we lived in London so higher living costs, someone living in say Lincolnshire will have much cheaper rent/mortgage.

Are you the kind of person that believes a man is only a 'man' if he has a 12-inch heard, thighs for wrists, and looks for fights in pubs at weekends for a 'buzz' and to prove his 'manliness', as if having a penis doesn't make you a man?

I'm afraid I feel this way too.

'Mumsnet' - clue's in the title.

beard not heard

Yet the tagline is ‘by parents, for parents’ not just mums.

I’d love to be a sahm. Put off by the financial risk involved, but if I was in a better position to manage that, and had a partner who was up for being sole earner for a while, I’d love to be there fully for my kids. It’s incredibly rude to call someone else’s ambitions or preferences weird. I don’t think it’s as unusual as you imagine, anyway.

Don't know, you tell me. You're the expert. Even though you've never had a relationship or a child..Maybe reread some Pampers articles.

This. ^

Again fair enough, but I’d say your situation of managing to balance it like you have (I’m really impressed, it must be such hard work), isn’t typical for most working families. But hopefully it’s an indication of things getting more reasonable for working parents, especially women who are dinged for not working or working part time in general.

Oh just go away.

You sound like an annoying twat who is just goading posters into arguing with you.

Go away and grow up.

Still cringing for you. 😖

Statement of fact that if medical experts believed that being a SAHD harmed the child in any way, mothers would not let it happen. But they do, and it doesn't.

"My lady"!! Sounds like a bit part in Game of Thrones.

And all the bloody creepy quotation marks. And the sex references.

Bleurghh.

This is the funniest thread I’ve read for a long time. Im sorry because I know that wasn’t your intention

Because you don't like the idea that a man wants to do something you believe only woman should want to do?

100% this. ^

In my general experience people who say “statement of fact” “thats a fact etc” are generally a bit dim, or about eight years old.